Girls, I need help on what I'm doing right or wrong

[spiritofjosh]

This girl and I have been talking for about a month now, and hanging out for about 2 weeks or so. By default she generally texts me first every day, always asks me to go out etc. I don't let her initiate everything intentionally, I'm usually at work and she beats me to it, but it's not all her just most. But When we're alone we cuddle, kiss and always fall asleep with each other and everything, it's great. In public or with other friends she isn't quite as affectionate but still not distant, no problem there. Now where I'm lost is we made it clear we both like each other but it seems we both have a lack of communication to fully understand each others feelings and where we want this to go. For example, two days ago she was coming by me to hang out with a mutual friend and she invited me but I wasn't up to it, so instead she asked if I wanted to sleep over the next night which I agreed to. I slept over and we were cuddly and all that but the next morning we woke up to go to work and she wasn't really that affectionate and didn't kiss me goodbye like she normally does.

It's subtle things like this that make me think she is losing interest....or my main concern; does she think I'm losing interest? Lately I've had a lot on my mind with her and with my job that I probably seem a little more distant towards her, but she doesn't act like it and hasn't said much to me about me acting different. Basically I worry that she likes me but doesn't have intentions of ever pursuing anything serious, albeit it's only been a month of actually talking. I understand this is somewhat vague but it's hard to put it all into words, so any insight from a woman's point of view would be well appreciated. Maybe how to show her I'm really into her without being over bearing or signs she may be losing interest.

[searock]

You shouldn't be asking us - you should be talking with her. Have an open conversation, communicate. How do you feel? Start by telling her that. Then ask her how she feels. Compare, think, decide what to do.

[smackie9]

You need to make a move to initiate intimacy, bring it to the next level and drop the kiddied cuddle crap. You need to be confident, and take that step. If she rejects you then you are just a cuddle buddy and it wasn't going any further anyways....a big waste of time.

[spiritofjosh]

I keep trying to think about how to ask her what the deal is without sounding like a broken record. When we initially came to terms with how we both felt I was the one who brought it up so I don't want to scare her off by trying to pry it out of her. I don't want it to seem like I'm in a rush to tie her down because I'm not but I also don't want to be at a stand still with her. It's tough trying to figure out a way to get it out casually.

[searock]

Then if you've already talked about it now take action and try something more sexual than kissing/cuddling, the next time you sleep over. It's very likely that she was expecting you to make a move that night.

[spiritofjosh]

Well we had sex already, but only once a week or so ago. The first time I slept at her house we did, but then she slept over another time and I slept at her house last night and we only kissed. When we had the conversation that we liked each other she brought up she had sex with me because she liked me but doesn't want me to think she usually does that and that she didn't ever think I'd like her back. But recently it's just been weird talking to her for some reason I can't quite explain and I feel like it's because of me not being sure on what's going on with us and me holding back. Maybe I'm afraid to hear her say she doesn't want a boyfriend because me and my last ex dated for 5 years and broke up a year ago and now I finally feel ready to date somebody else and don't want it to start rocky. It's like I don't know what move to make next because I made the right moves for her to like me and now that she does I feel like she may be waiting to see what I do next but I don't want to scare her off or come on too fast.

[spiritofjosh]

I also apologize to having the world record for run on sentences but I just woke up from a nap and all my thoughts are coming together. And to answer smackie, you're right if she rejects me it is a waste of time and what to do next I feel is "do you want to be my girlfriend" and I feel I'm passed that point due to age where that question exists. I do notice the more confident I act the better things are and the more she wants me around. But when I worry we're standing still or she may not want what I want I lose that confidence.

[smackie9]

I never been asked or had to ask myself to be anyone's GF, so I'm not sure what yo are really asking. You already act like BF/GF. Are you wondering if there is love involved? You want to take it to the next level and tell her?

[Marioneta]

Ask her out for a dinner. Make it romantic.

[spiritofjosh]

I actually talked to her about it, not the girlfriend boyfriend part, more like the "where is this going" part. She said she wants to see where it goes but basically is a little paranoid that I'm "another one of those girls" that I hang around to hook up with then move on to the next. I don't blame her honestly but I assured her I actually like her, her company and I'm comfortable with pursuing more. She agreed so we'll see where it goes.

Reason I mention the boyfriend/girlfriend situation is the older you get you obviously don't say "want to be my girlfriend har har." But at the same time it's like if we didn't specify we are I can turn around and hook up with somebody else, and vice versa and say well I didn't cheat on you because you're not my boyfriend/girlfriend. That's what I was getting at.

[smackie9]

Well if it doesn't feel right then I know it's just casual....I go by how I am treated and how much they want to see me (outside the bedroom), body language, etc. I never had to ask "where is this going".

[spiritofjosh]

I know what you mean but I'm the kind of guy who likes to know flat out, despite her language which is just what you said. She asks to hang out, asks to go eat, etc almost daily. Even says she would want to see me every day but I'd get sick of her. I'm the one asking her to sleep over and even then it isn't intimate, only seldom. I'm too pessimistic so I rarely ever assume the better. As a matter of fact she slept over last night and left about 2 hours ago to go to work and she just texted me now asking my opinion on what color to make her hair or something. I think this has to do with our age difference, I'm 25 and a little more mature in the dating scene and she's 20 and still used to dating young "boys" who just play around with girls. But my pessimism is getting to me but she's proving me wrong..hopefully.

[smackie9]

Just a touch of insecurity, and lacking maturity. Stick with the communication.....it seems to help out.