Dumper sent me a letter in the mail

[LSgirl]

I checked my regular mail today and got a package from my ex-boyfriend. We broke up 2 weeks ago. He had told me he bought me a gift before the breakup and was going to send it to me. It was an antique WWII Japanese ring dish and an antique butterfly hair clip (because he accidentally broke my ring dish) and it came with a letter. The letter said this:


Hey you, It's hard not to write sugar boo, sweetie, sugar muffin, or any of what I would like to say considering the situation we're in. Where to begin and how to end one of the last things I may be able to write you? It's tough not to spill myself out after holding back for so long. The things I've never told you and everything you deserve. You rpatience with me is almost super human. But I guess that has its limits too. Seeing how you miss us, in your last email, hit hard. Only because, I do too.


For too long I would hold in whatever emotional baggage would come up and try to forget about it. It was really wearing me down and I just wanted a nice emotional outlet to relax in. After I admitted too much to you, things got harder for us. Instead of really trying to work things out, I did what I was used to. Bundle it up, tuck it away and forget about it. I never took the time to really let things go. Being so sensitive and with a threat from you (which wasn't that bad) I just snapped and let everything go. Of course I emotionally rationalized what I was doing instead of logically. But, I couldn't take your resentment too and could see the day coming where it was going to end badly. I could almost see you finding someone else randomly after being so fed up. So I did it.


I felt bad, shaky, nauseous, and all the wonderful feelings that come with that. But to me it was better something lame than something deceitful and vindictive. Later on the way home from work the person I had spent so much time trying to forget (he's talking about his ex-fiancee) texted me "hi-mom was just asking about you. Hope you're doing well" or something like that. After a little conversation about family, work, and some encouragement from my part (she's having a hard time I guess) I realized that everyone was right and she wasn't the person I've had in my mind and changed completely. The whole letting go thing had started to make sense when I realized that she was actually pretty dumb, and I felt sorry for her. I hate to say that, but I'll only tell you.


So there I was, free of all my baggage. Until, I noticed that, well I got one more. "Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation" - Kahlil Gibran. Man has some good books, a tear and a smile, was one of my favorites. At first I assumed the damage had been done and I'd never be forgiven. Stick to my guns, get organized, and improve my life however I could. Tend to the garden to bring the butterflies, if only to see them going by. Was doing pretty good, I thought, but stress can sneak up on you when you think you're doing great, when really, you're just fooling yourself. So going back to relaxing and taking my time I caught another break and went with my roommate to the music show. Then I realized when I saw you again (we ran into each other on halloween) how nice it was to talk to you again. In my mind I was thinking maybe a new first date with a new man again.


Would she recognize how I've changed, could she see it? But, the damage lingered in the air with passing foul language and dirty looks from strangers (here he's referring to my friends that came up and said some not so nice things to him) Our time was tained at every turn but I would not have it. Until, I saw the damage in your eyes as well. Then I knew I had been lost to you and couldn't bear the sight of it.



Then he goes on in the letter to talk about what the presents meant and wrote:



I've apologized many times but it will never be enough to make up to you for what I've done and the B.S. you've had to put up with for so long. I don't expect to be forgiven, hopefully though not misunderstood.


With Love and Sincereity,

(his name)


SOOO....that's the first time he's EVER mentioned "love" to me. First he quotes that love after separation and the ending signature. What does this mean? He doesn't mention anything about getting back together, but it seems like he knows what he did wrong. I then replied back to him in text "That was really beautiful and sad. I'm sorry things couldn't work out between us, I wish we had worked on it before we broke up. You probably already know this, but I was falling in love with you but knowing I wouldn't get that back, I had to stop 'chasing' remember? But knowing this, if I truly did feel that way I couldnt be selfish and had to let you go. Sort of like that butterfly clip when I wear it I'll think of you and hope you are happy wherever you are."


He wrote back "Well thank you, when I think of yo uill hope you are one happy little girl too, wearing that strange little butterfly clip "


At this point, I tend to go NC. We ended on a good note, but I wish he would have asked to see me even if it was just for coffee. What do you guys think?

[rafterman]

At this point, I tend to go NC. We ended on a good note, but I wish he would have asked to see me even if it was just for coffee. What do you guys think?

Look Sugar muffin, If you have coffee with him its not NC is it. What are you going to talk about? How he dumped you and then sent a letter that just screwed with your head? Its over,leave it at that.

P.S That butterfly clip, bin it. You dont need any triggers.

[LSgirl]

I received that letter on Friday in the mail. Then Saturday I take him up on an offer for him to help fix the lights (he mentioned it in the letter towards the end). My friends and other advice forums told me that letter seemed like he definitely wanted a second chance.

He came over Sunday to fix the lights and we hung out for 3 hours catching up and just being friendly. Towards the end I brought up the letter and told him it seemed like he realized what he had done and wanted a second chance and so I forgave him because I liked who he was in that letter (first letter he's opened up to me like that). He said he couldn't right now that he had to work on himself. I felt so rejected the pain came back. I don't know how a man can open up like that (first time mentioning 'love') and NOT want to try again.

I told him I understood. My heart is still open to him, the doors are open. I've laid everything out on the line, wanted a second chance (as I thought he did) but right now it seems like he's confused. He may not come back, so today is Day 2 of NC since I last saw him. It's such an awful feeling thinking they might want to work it out after such an apology/poetic letter only to find out he's still not into it. He said he still meant everything he wrote in that letter which is more confusing.

[Wakeup]

^^^^

At this point, I tend to go NC. We ended on a good note, but I wish he would have asked to see me even if it was just for coffee. What do you guys think?

I think you're a freaking masochist and had I gotten a chance to tell you that his letter was a manipulative piece of crap I'd hope you wouldn't have met him only to be hurt by his manipulative ass once again.

Lesson learned, Eh? The guys a narcissist by the sounds of things and couldn't stand the thought of you thinking badly about him so he worked it so he knew without a doubt that you didn't feel he is an ass and the bad guy and then dismissed you once he knew he was a-okay with you no matter what shit he pulled in the past.

Bin him and the clip. His only value is a lesson learned.

My friends and other advice forums told me that letter seemed like he definitely wanted a second chance.

Stop listening to your friends. That letter didn't say: "I'm so sorry and if you can find it in you to forgive me I'd LOVE ANOTHER CHANCE WITH YOU." now did it? People who tell you what you want to hear when there is no indication that what you want to hear is what he is saying are not your friend.

[bulrush]

This guy sounds like he has trouble dealing with his own emotions, even love. And no, his emotional baggage is not all gone. He is just starting to realize the work he has before him.

So don't contact him anymore, unless you are ready and committed to help him unload his emotional baggage, and that will be a LONG TOUGH road for you. Just because he is familiar, doesn't mean he is good for you.

[LSgirl]

Thank you guys for your posts so far. I have been NC since he left my place that Sunday night. There's no need to contact each other at this point as he has given back my stuff, and I've told him I wanted a 2nd chance. Balls in his court, he may not come back, but I have to REALLY accept the breakup and move on. We're still in a relationship on Facebook, but that's bc he doesn't go on it and probably hasn't thought to take it off, I just haven't gotten around to do it. I hope to take it off soon sometime before my birthday in a couple weeks. I will update here if he does contact me. Thank you

[Wakeup]

Thank you guys for your posts so far. I have been NC since he left my place that Sunday night. There's no need to contact each other at this point as he has given back my stuff, and I've told him I wanted a 2nd chance. Balls in his court, he may not come back, but I have to REALLY accept the breakup and move on. We're still in a relationship on Facebook, but that's bc he doesn't go on it and probably hasn't thought to take it off, I just haven't gotten around to do it. I hope to take it off soon sometime before my birthday in a couple weeks. I will update here if he does contact me. Thank you

You didn't get much from your thread did you? You hope to take off that you're in a relationship with him "soon" "before your birthday in a couple of weeks?" Why not right now? What are you hoping to accomplish by keeping your FB status as in a relationship with him? He hasn't changed any, why would you make it so he could ever contact you again? Why are you clinging and hoping still? What's missing in you that you'd still even give him the time of day?

[LSgirl]

I'm aware of my weakness. Honestly, I know everybody is right to tell me to take it off. It's taking me a lot longer to get over this false hope. I know what I need to do, but I'm being weak. I have to understand that I'm NOT in a relationship, it's not reality, it's an idea in my head that I need to get rid of.

[Wakeup]

You know it's quite empowering to take control back of your own self. Just a warning for you to contemplate; You will be hurt all over again when he takes the initiative and changes his status without fanfare or concern. However; it's quite common to be afraid to do it first and the sad thing about that is that you don't get to benefit the rush of empowerment when you take the first iniative. Keep in mind that the sooner you accept that it's over, the quicker you will heal from it ending.

Good wishes, LS.

[workingman78]

I agree with Wake up