9 year relationship and don't know how to save it

[Adelaide2008]

Hi

I have been in a relationship for almost 9 years and have a boy with this person. I work full time and my partner doesn't as he is agoraphobic and doesn't leave the house most of the time. The relationship has always been with problems. At first he did not really pay attention to me, just being in his room on his pc or decks, then I got pregnant. He later admitted to me that he didnt want the child but that if he did not stay he would have to return to a council flat which he did not want to do. Relationship got rocky a bit more as I couldn't afford creche so he proposed to look after baby but many mornings he will tell me he would not look after the baby that I was just using him as a baby sitter. I left twice and twice went back with him. He then became monophobic, which means he doesn't like being left on his own and this ended up in me not going to work for a few months because he would not let me go. I returned to work but when I come back, nothing is done, the pots are washed once a week and he hoovers the living room carpet but that is all really. When I moan that he could help he just replies that I am using him, that he is not a housewife and that if I can't cope working and looking after the house it is my problem. He will moan if he runs out of fresh milk ( even if there is UHT milk in the cupboard, it is not good enough for him in between fresh milk), that there is little alcohool and he never likes what I am cooking. He also undermines me in front of our child which means our child is behaving badly because when I say something, he says the opposite. He goes now on Second Life most of his day as he is bored and he also went on dating sites. He tells me he feels very lonely and that he needs to have some friends, female preferably. He had once a female he was talking to and although it was just by e-mail things were starting to get saucy and I got crossed with him and he finally stopped. Anyway now he is telling me that he is talking to this girl and that he wants to take it in the real life e-mailing her just as friends. But he keeps telling me she tells him he makes her laugh and vice versa and it is nice to have all these feelings and he can't wait to talk to her. We hardly talk to each other now and we do we argue constantly, which is not good for our boy. I work all day, have to look after house, our boy and him in a way. In the week end I have to argue to go out as he doesn't want me to leave the house but he spends his day on the pc. I understand that it must be boring to be alone all day and yes that he wants to have contacts with people but I asked him not to tell me about it as I am insecure. He keeps telling me I am a horrible person because I stopped "caring" about him. Privately, hardly anything happens because I have lost a lot of feelings for him and I am exhausted and he always want fancy things to do. I go to bed at 11 pm max because I am so tired. I must still feel something for him because it is stressing me a lot. But I can't take it any longer, I feel I am going to have a breakdown. I am exhausted and am even struggling to play with my boy and give him my attention.He tells me he doesn't want to be on his own and because of my attitude he has to look for someone else in case I leave and that if I leave him now he will kill himself. He says it is all of my fault because I want to work and I pull him down telling him he never does anything to help, that he feels worthless. For my boy I would like to heal things and make the relationship better but my mental health is being really pushed now and I feel depressed all the time. I don't know what to do. Sorry for the long post

[Cerby]

First off, he IS worthless.

Leave, take your son and go. If he threatens to kill himself, tell him you'll help him write the note. Get out of this poisonous relationship, it will destroy you more than it already has.

Stay with friends or family until you can sort out living arrangements.

[smackie9]

You too have issues...you must half such low self esteam, and lack self worth to be in a relationship with someone who can't take care of himself, manipulates you, mentally abuses you, pounds your self esteam down even further, acts like a helpless child, complains, puts you down, blames HIS issues on you, and threatens you by useing the suicide card......that's pretty pathetic.

Pack your s hit up and get out......don't worry, since he is agoraphobic he won't be able to go after you or find you.

And if it's any consolation...there ain't a women out there on any of those sites that will date him once they find out what he is like.....he is a fricken joke.