My boyfriend has been texting another girl

[candicemarie88]

I have been with my boyfriend for two months now, before we got together we were close friends and I've known him for alomst four years. When he initially confessed his feelings for me (six months ago), I was with my ex, who happened to be his friend. After thinking things through, I realised that I also had feelings for him and after talking, we decided we wanted to start seeing each other. He was so sweet and kind towards me, he told me he had been in love with me for over a year and it pained him to see me and my ex together. I broke up with my ex and me and my new boyfriend started our relationship.

Our relationship seemed to be going so well, I was really happy and he was so lovely to me. Three weeks ago he was round at mine and had been on his facebook account on my laptop. That night I couldn't sleep so went to sign into my facebook, but my pc had remembered his password... I knew it was wrong, but i logged in and had a bit of a nosey. I came to look at his messages and there were some from this girl which were dated in June and July. I read a few and he was telling her he missed her and they had been arranging to meet up with each other. I was a bit upset over them, as he had confessed his feelings to me way before he was speaking to her and this was around the time I agreed to break things off with my ex.

I just put the messages to the back of my mind and tried to forget, which I was managing to do. Every time we were together he made me feel really loved and cared for. Last week he went on a night out to a particular club in town and the next day I saw he had posted on this girls facebook wall where I found out she has been to the same nightclub.. their messages were public, but still appeared to be flitry with winks on the end. Again, I brushed this aside and told myself I was being stupid.

I went to stay at his on saturday night and I noticed he was texting all the time we were watching tv and hardly speaking to me at all, which was really irritating me, but i kepy quiet and didnt complain. Later that night he stopped texting, but thats because we went to bed. I couldnt sleep because I was worrying too much, so i checked that he was asleep and got hold of his phone. I looked at his txts and to my disapointment, he had been messaging this same girl. She had been asking him about going skiing with her and some friends in december and he had agreed to it, addressing her as 'babes' and 'baby'. In the texts he said he would use his 7 days holiday from work to book time off and go with her. The thing is he told me he was going to take time off in december for me and him to do something together

This morning he seemed different with me and I asked him about us going somewhere and when he will take time off work, he replied saying he might have other plans with some old friends to go skiing now. Then he went out to go bike riding, leaving me in his house with his mum all day. Origionally he invited me over on sat night and said me and him could have a day out on sunday, but instead he went out on his bike. I'd have caught the train home, except his house isnt within walking distance from the station. I assumed maybe he wanted me to stay another night, so thats why he hadnt taken me to the station earlier, but when he got home he made me sit through the f1 and then took me to the station. Uusally he would come in with me to wave me off, but this time he didn't and didn't even offer to.

I'm really upset now, because it seems hes really into another girl and will drop our plans to spend time with her. Last week he was so sweet and kind, but since he's got back in contact with her he's completely changed. I text him tonight, annoyed about him going skiing, saying i would invite him if it was the other way round and i'd always put him first, but he said he was tired and will speak tomorrow.

It hurts because I gave up on my ex, who i did love to be with this guy and now it seems his feelings have so suddenly changed. I thought he was trustworthy and kind, the most lovely guy i'd met, but i'm not sure if thats the case anymore.

Do I tell him I read his messages or do i question him some more? Does it sound like he likes this girl? Maybe it would be better to end it, but that would be heartbreaking

I'd appreciate any advice and thanks for reading this... it might be rambly, im just in a bit of a state!

[MerryH]

Do I tell him I read his messages

Yes. Come clean and tell him what you know. He'll be pissed that you snooped (as he should be) but you should stop playing these little trust games and be forthright, like you expect him to be.

Does it sound like he likes this girl?

Yes. He places more importance on spending time with her than with you.

Maybe it would be better to end it, but that would be heartbreaking

Yes. It is better to end it. Pity that it will be heartbreaking for you. Oh well.

It hurts because I gave up on my ex, who i did love to be with this guy

Awwww. See how bad it sucks to be left for someone else? Now you know how your ex-boyfriend felt. Well done.

[candicemarie88]

Yes I know breaking up with my ex was horrible, but it's something I gave a lot of thought to... this current boyfriend sucked me in, he played with my mind and I trusted him, I've known him quite a long time and prior to this we were best friends. I'm not the only person to have done this and left in this situation, and i certainly won't be the last. Sometimes people give up on good things, which turns out to be a huge mistake. Me and my ex weren't going anywhere and he is glad about the break-up anyway.

My boyfriend has not text me today, and I am not contacting him, so if he doesn't get in touch then I'll just leave it and assume he's moving on.

[sadie_genie]

Wow...this guy can sure put on an act. You have known him for so long and still don't know about his true personality. Just tell him what you know and dump his fake ass.

[stuckies]

next time he texts or mentions going away ask is (insert girls name here) is going?

Dump him.

[Wakeup]

OP: Why are you so passive agressive? You know that he's emotionally cheating on you and he's setting it up to physically cheat on you in December yet you still won't end it yourself and by doing so, you'll be taking back your personal power and a tad of your self-worth.

Instead of getting it out, you passively ask when he'll be taking time off work and you give him the perfect opportunity to tell you he'll be reneging on his plans with you. What is the point in not being forthwith?

You let him talk you into leaving someone else and now you're letting him talk his way into someone else. Please learn from this and stop being the follower of men and what they want and start taking care of yourself and initiate a break up dialogue with this man. He's fixing to cheat on you and perhaps keep you around or dump you outright if the ski bunny works out.

Dump him outright now so that he can't keep you around for sex until he is in tight with the ski bunny. Take back your personal power. You'll heal faster if you do that instead of wait until he cheats on you and dumps YOU. Make sure he knows you know what he's up to.

It's over and you know it what are you waiting for?

My boyfriend has not text me today, and I am not contacting him, so if he doesn't get in touch then I'll just leave it and assume he's moving on.

Even more of you being passive aggressive. You don't hurt anyone but yourself if you don't know how to, or are afraid of communication. Even worse, you don't communicate because you're afraid of the answer. Look after yourself.