he broke up with me because his feeling is gone

[xingfuhua]

Dear guys,

As English is not my native language, please forgive me if my post seems a little bit confusing for you.

My ex and me used to be colleagues while he was in France and I was in Shanghai China. We met during work and he talked to me on company internal chattering software nearly everyday for 9 months, then he felt in love with me, while i had a lot of concerns. Firstly he is French and I am Chinese, i was afraid of culture difference; secondly, he is 12 years younger than me, i was 36, although people all say i looked like 10 years younger, i thought this is not too harmony; Thirdly it's too long distance love, i was afraid it would not work. But he loved me very much, he told me he does not love young women as they are too futile, he loved my mind and soul, he would love me even one day i have wrinkles and slack body, i was his woman of life, he planed his life with me, he wanted a baby with me while he never wanted that, he wanted to die with me, he could not imagine a life without me, i was his most precious, i was his little chinese, i was his meaning of life etc.etc. With all the love and commitments, i devoted my heart to him. I planned my life with him, wanted to take care of him all my life, no matter what happens, i would never abandon him, even he is a begger, i would be one happy begger's wife, as long as being with him, i have the whole wold. After 1year and 8 months long distance love, he transfered to Shangahi this Feb, and we lived together, but 9 months later, in Oct, he told me he did not have feelings for me, then he broke up with me in middle of Nov.

I would like to have your opinions, is it common for men to lose their love feelings so dramatically?

Although we broke up, we still live together as I am preparing studying abroad, it's inconvenient for me to find new appartment for a few months, and it will involving a lot of packing and unpacking things, really too troublesome.

We offically said break up in middle of Nov, after that, he talked to one of his women colleagues, he did not tell his family or his best men friends that we broke up, but he immediately told this woman(also some other women) that we broke up, this woman is single, its just 2 weeks since they started to talk, to have lunch together, to leave office together, untill yesterday evening, they planned to eat dinner together, while in the past he forbid me to eat dinner together with men as he thought it meant something, but he told me this woman colleague is only a friend, and they will play badminton together next week. I know i have no right to intervene in his private life anymore, but as i am still loving him, and he still wears the jade i gave him as a love keepsake when we firstly met in real life in China(so i thought our break is kind of love probation), i screamed on him when i heard he would eat dinner with another woman. Am I too ridiculous?

Seeing him getting so fast with another woman(although he said it's only friends, but i really believe they will be together finally) really hurts, so i decided to help him move out of the appartment, but the thinking of i can never see him everyday kills me. I am a broken woman now, how can i proceed with my life? would you guys kindly give some advise? Many thanks!

[bcgirl]

I am so sorry you have to go threw this. Firstly there is a cultural difference between chinese and french views on love. Where Chinese tend to be more strict and traditional, French tend to be more free. It's no wonder Paris is the "City of Love". When you two first met that is very common for people to fall in love fast. Then you two are seperated and in a long distance relationship. Not seeing each other in real life causes so many false emotions. You think that you are "in love" and your sexual urges for one another piles up because you can't see each other which causes a lot of lust for one another. When you two finally start living with each other, he perhaps realized that you weren't the type of girl he had fantasized about all those many months in France. Maybe you didn't fill his expectations. This is very common with long distance relationships. Your imagination of the person gets the best of you, but in reality when people are together everyday....feelings can be much different. He fell in love with you so fast. It is very possible he fell in love with this woman collegue so fast as well. Perhaps it's just his personality.... he falls in love with you, gets bored and goes off to the next girl and lusts after her, then gets bored...and off to the next.

[xingfuhua]

bcgirl, thank you very much for your words!

My family and friends did not support this love at the begining, but when they met him, they were convinced he was a reliable guy and can stick to his words. He does not look what we thought about French, before me, he only had one woman, he is addicted to computer games, nearly never goes out, does not have night life, his parents are each other's first love and have been married for 30 years.. he did not fall in love with me very fast, it cost 9 months talking on internet, and during our long distance love, we nearly did video talk everyday, also we met each other every a few months, either he came to China, or I went to France, we were getting along very well. He always wants to show off me to his family, friends and colleague(sorry if this looks too arrogant), he told me he could not believe he could have a woman like me. The long distance love lasted for 1 year and 7 months, we thought if we could make it, how could it possible that we can not love till the end. He told me it's not because i am not good, he thinks i am a very good woman, he may never find a woman as good as me, just he lost his feeling, and he said he was sad about this too, one day he looked at my photo and wanted to cry because of what we lost... i think maybe you are right, it's his personality..

Thank you again for your reply!

[bcgirl]

Well there is also a big age difference between you two. He is much younger than you. Perhaps you were his first real girlfriend. You showed him what love is all about. You guided him through a lot as he is becoming a young adult in his early 20's. You are 36 and want to settle down, get married and start a family because the time clock is ticking at your age. For him, he is still very young and needs to explore his options before finally settling down to marry. At least he is honest in telling you that he lost feelings for you. There is nothing you can do about that but accept it and allow him to go to explore. You deserve a man who truly loves you.

[xingfuhua]

bcgirl, i agree with you about age things although its him who said he wanted to settle down with me, just he had a wife.
yeah, i have nothing to do but let him go, i am trying to be strong