Where is he asking time? Is he just playing with me?

[girloutoftown]

I have had an emotional affair with one man for three months now. I have known him for two years. He contacted me in Facebook and all started from there. We had this incredible chemistry and I felt that I could speak with him about anything. He said he has been interested in me in the first day we met couple years ago.

The problem is that we are both in a relationship with other people. I’m unhappy with mine relationship for a very long time. My crush has a long distance relationship with some girl but he said it’s not anything serious.

Anyhow we live in the different cities and after 2 months of chatting with him every day for hours and hours and planning to be together we finally met at his town. This was two weeks ago.

But everything started to go wrong from the day 3 when his non serious girlfriend came in town. I did ask him to leave her so we could be together. Actually we had a terrible fight about it. He thinks I’m not fair because I have a partner too. I think if he was honest to me in the beginning and his relationship wasn’t anything serious so what is the problem? Why can’t he dump a girl who he is not serious with? She stays with him when she is in town which makes me think that he lied about how serious they are. He seems to be committed to her. I’m very upset about that because I wouldn’t have made any plans for us if I have known that he has a serious girlfriend. He made me think that it wasn’t anything serious.

Now he says he needs time. He asked me to be patient that we will be together. And the only way our relationship could work is that we both stop seeing other people and only see each other.

So my question is. Have I been dumped? Is he only playing with me? Did he change his mind when he saw me? He is attracted to me physically for sure because we have met many times over the couple years but perhaps he was disappointed for the chemistry? Where does he need time? Time to sleep with this other woman because I refused to sleep with him or what? I said I only get physical in a relationship. We did kiss though.

We were supposed to speak all this but he was always busy and now I left town already. I never told him that I left town. I was too upset with him. Now I haven’t answered his messages anymore and I deleted him from my Facebook because I feel that he was dishonest about his relationship status and he probably just tried to use me for sex when his girl was out of town. I’m just getting in the mood that I don’t believe anything he says anymore so that’s why it’s better to cool down a little bit.

P.S. By the way please give me advice only for this situation with this new man. I don’t need a relationship advice with my boyfriend. I know already that I have to finish my relationship with him especially what happened with this guy in "Facebook". He deserves a woman who is more committed to him.

[pisces25]

Yes that man played you. Keep NC and move on. Unfortunately things online can often turn sour when people meet in RL. Not to mention the fact you are cheating on your BF. Do the right thing and break up with him.

[girloutoftown]

Yes that man played you. Keep NC and move on.

Yes. I think his relationship is more serious that he let me know originally. Or in the worst case he doesn't even have a girlfriend and that is only a "line" which he tells to women so he doesn't have to get serious...?

Unfortunately things online can often turn sour when people meet in RL.

Well we did know each other for 2 years in real life before he contacted me in facebook. So I assumed that there wouldn't be any big surprises on the way. That's why I trusted him. I got a text message from him couple days ago and he was asking why I did delete him from my facebook? I didn't reply to him. It seems that he is not only a player but also a little bit stupid too. I made him very clear that the facebook romance is over if he doesn't know how to behave in real life.

Does he really think that I will still continue chatting with him hours and hours sexy messages? He must be an idiot.

[parkbom]

Most guys are players and yes this man was playing with you heart. If he wanted something serious, he would have done so by now and not make excuses.. I been there and this guy played me and he just want to get some. He never said he liked me but lead me into thinking he liked me... I been a fool and I wikll never allow myself to fall into that trap anymore.

Play hard to get, it makes your time worthwhile rather than playing easy and believing they are trustworthy.. That's why I'm not gonna let myself slip anymore and I'm gonna play hard to get. Guys games plan: aim for easy girl... Girls game plan: hard to get

If they want a relationship they need to earn it because guys don't work for it, they just do it and not put effort in it.

[pisces25]

Playing hard to get is equivalent to playing games, the exact thing you are accusing 'players' of. And the fact you say most guys are players just shows you are extremely bitter and disillusioned by your bad experiences.

Good luck finding someone decent with your hard to get plan.

[girloutoftown]

I do understand what Parkbom means but I agree with pisces25. I'm a busy woman and I don't have time or interest to play games anymore. I did it in my teens. This guy is an adult, in his early 40s. He said he likes me, he is crazy about me, he will go crazy if he doesn't have me, he wants to be with me, he will do anything for me, he thinks about me all the time, he cannot sleep, he can consentrate to his work etc.

Anyhow real men (or women) don't play games... They should be above it.

I deleted him from my facebook and stop answering to his messages because I don't trust him anymore and I have lost all respect for him. It's not a game. It's how I feel at the moment.

[pisces25]

I deleted him from my facebook and stop answering to his messages because I don't trust him anymore and I have lost all respect for him. It's not a game. It's how I feel at the moment.

Leave it at that. If he is not adding value to your life leave it alone. Move on, he is a douche.

And either sort out your current r/ship or leave him so you can concentrate on yourself and free yourself and your BF from whatever situation you guys are in.

[girloutoftown]

Yes with your hard to get plan you can get someone decent. You can also take Online dating Tips and Online Dating Help.

Thanks but I'm not interested in online dating. Even I was communicating mostly with this guy on Facebook it was only because I was travelling in Europe for couple months. I have met him perhaps 30 times before he contacted me via Facebook so it wasn't really a pure online relationship. We knew each other before. Thanks anyways.

[girloutoftown]

Leave it at that. If he is not adding value to your life leave it alone. Move on, he is a douche.

Definitely. I have no interest to communicate with him at all. Only if he makes a big effort to show me that he is a serious guy. But I think there is only 1% change it could happen so I'm not going to wait for him.

I did ask him to get lost (I was very rude) as soon as the girlfriend came in to picture in the day three. I said he is disgusting, not man enough for me and I have lost all respect for him etc. But I think he really likes to play as he contacted me couple days after that saying that he has been thinking about me and our situation a lot. That he realised that I'm a serious girl so that is why we have to slow down and get to know each other better in time. And the only way we could be together is to stop seeing everyone else and only see each other.... I waited couple days and nothing happened so I left the town again. Didn't stay there to wait him to pick me over the other girl (+ I'm sure there are more women).... Anyways this just makes me think that he is really sick in his head. I'm saying that he disgust me and he is still contacting me after that. Why to continue pursuing me if the "game" was already over? Really sick I think.

[girloutoftown]

Play hard to get, it makes your time worthwhile rather than playing easy and believing they are trustworthy.. That's why I'm not gonna let myself slip anymore and I'm gonna play hard to get. Guys games plan: aim for easy girl... Girls game plan: hard to get

I made him wait for me for 2 months actually... That is a long time for a guy. He was the active side of us and very consistent. I heard from him every single day for 2 months. And I didn't sleep with him or anything. Actually when he first contacted me I was still in US and he asked me to meet him. But I declined because I was too busy at work. So it's not like I was too available to him too soon. So I'm not blaming myself. Quality man says what he thinks and acts on it. He wasn't a quality man. That's all.

[bulrush]

Quality man says what he thinks and acts on it.

That's good advice.

[Tanguerra]

I'd take big step back if I was you. There is very, very little chance of this having a happy outcome for you.

[IndiReloaded]

he cannot sleep, he can consentrate to his work etc.

This^ makes him sound insane, a loser or a manipulator. Possibly all 3.

But I think he really likes to play as he contacted me couple days after that saying that he has been thinking about me and our situation a lot. That he realised that I'm a serious girl so that is why we have to slow down and get to know each other better in time.

LOL, great attempt to take back control on his part. Kudos to you for not falling for it.

Quality man says what he thinks and acts on it. He wasn't a quality man. That's all.

Or, as the old adage goes: actions speak louder than words. Ditch this one completely, you'll never be able to trust him.

[girloutoftown]

LOL, great attempt to take back control on his part. Kudos to you for not falling for it.

Well he said long time ago that he is "old school" and he likes to be in control in relationship so obviously it was his attempt just to take the control back to him. It's not like he really missed me. He just didn't want that I was the one cut ties. Anyhow I have the control now because I cut him off my Facebook and he has been texting that why did I cut him off. And ofcourse I haven't reply to him.

[bcgirl]

Karma can be a real biatch. The thing is you cheated on your spouse. If you aren't happy with your boyfriend, why can't you just break-up with him then? Perhaps it's the exact same way with him and his girlfriend. It's more complicated than that.... You can't just all of a sudden break it off.
Well you got a taste of your own medicine. God is watching you. It's funny how you bash him about "playing games" and not being a real man....but you aren't any better!