Am I being over-jealous or she being unreasonable?

[tmc92ic]

I know people get discouraged from reading large chunks of texts and this looks like a lot to read but its not... It's just mostly in bullet form, I need some quick opinions please because this arguement is currently happening right now and I like to get as much opinions from different people as possible!.

In this entire 6 month relationship I have had the same problem with only two people. John and Jack (fake names, sorry). Vickie is the girlfriend. Everyone is 19 years old.

Here is some information on the two guys and reasons why I dont like them.

John:

• Has been my friend for maybe 2-3 years now.
• Has been her friend for about 1-2 years now.
• I met her hanging out with John a few months ago.
• John has tried everything to keep us apart despite his constant Hippocratic remarks about keeping us or wanting us together.
• John is like a kid who just hit puberty, he only has sex on his mind.
• John is only interested in having sex with her, not a friendship, I know this because I KNOW John. He has even told me this himself. I can't convince her of this no matter what I say.
• John keeps trying to seduce Vickie even though we have started talking.
• Jack and Vickie got into a little fight at first when we started talking. I had them talk it out at a friends house because back then I still wanted everyone to be friends. He starts out the conversation (outside alone with her) with "So do you want to ****?".
• He still keeps trying... Vickie invites him to go to a movie with everyone. He replies with "Naah, you want to just come over my house and watch a movie with me?".
• Eventually I get fed up with it and stop trying to be friends with John. We stop hanging out and talking.
• Vickie finally stops hanging out with John for awhile. They still text but it eventually fades into almost nothing.. up until today. (I will get to this part later)

Jack:

• I don't know Jack. I have never met him. I only know him from what she has told me.
• Jack works with Vickie.
• He started working with her about 2 months ago or so.
• Vicke tells me she loves Jack he is a nice and cool guy and that if me and her werent talking she would probably be dating Jack. Yeah... I have no idea why anyone would say this but she did.
• I go through her phone and see that Jack asks her to a dinner and a movie and she accepted it. I confront her about it and she says it isn't a date and they are just friends. This is considered a date in our part of western sociaty.
• Jack wants a relationship with Vickie, he is very emotional about her.
• She also says that one of the reasons she likes him is because she doesn't get that feeling that he is trying to have sex with her.
• I believe that Jack wants to have sex as well and maybe even a relationship. But he isn't as blunt about it as John is. Also he is a guy, wtf?
• She talks and texts Jack almost as much as she does with me.
• She goes out of her way to say good bye to Jack when leaving somewhere or just to go say hi if they havent seen each other in awhile. (Example: She leaves me, her sister, and her sisters boyfriend at a restuarant across the street from where she works to go say hi to Jack.)
• I confronted her about Jack and her solution was... I will just try to hide the texts and calls when I am around you and the fact that she talks to him. She throws the whole jealousy argument at me as a result as well.
• I confront her another time a few weeks later about Jack. This time I am ready to end it over this. She asks me if I want her to stop talking to him... she offered to ditch the guy. I'm not a complete inconsiderate asshole, I want her to be happy and have friends. I tell her no and that she can still be friends with him but she needs to learn the difference between a friend and talking to a guy on another level. I tell her to lower it down by a lot.
• A week passes. I realize this isn't working. Nothing has changed she starts talking to him at the same level as always. As soon as she gets a text or call from him she deletes it from her phone. I now want it over with completely and she finds it unreasonable now.

I am honestly not a jealous a person. I understand the fact that guys will walk up and talk to her. That she will talk back to them. But she doesn't know where to draw the line between a guy friend and something more. That is my problem. I have no problems with any of the other guys she has hanged out with in the past six months. The guy from her class, Justice. The guys she use to get high and drink with. The other guys from her job. This guy named Tony who keeps texting her about wanting to have sex. I don't even care that she was talking to her ex Scotty for a short time. I have no specific reason to not want her to be friends with any of these people...

The reason I am writing this is because a few minutes ago she told me she was going to go to the club with her best friend Maggie and... John. I told her I am not okay with this and that it makes me feel uncomfortable.

Why?

1. They are going to the club. Drinking is involved even though they are under aged getting a drink/bottle is not a problem I am sure they will have some.
2. There is dancing at the club. To clarify for others... I live in the DMV area (D.C., Maryland, Virginia) where dancing means her grinding her ass on another guys dick.
3. She loves to dance. I know she will dance with John because he will make her do it. Also they have done it INFRONT of me before and John and her had no problem with it.
4. I find it completely disrespectful that she would go to the club with John. I am no longer friends with him because he keeps trying to **** her. She wants to go the club with him and doesn't see how that makes me look now.

Right now she is mad at me. I am pissed. What I think will happen is that she will tell me she isn't going with him but will end up doing it anyway. She does this to her Aunt who she is staying with all the time, so there is nothing stopping her from doing it to me. But what bothers me the most here is that she is telling me this relationship will not work out because of the way I am acting right now... "Jealous" and that I have no trust. She asked me if I want us to break up, but I don't think she meant this. I think it would be ridiculous to break up over this...

Comments and opinions?

[IncognitoSir]

I completely understand where you're coming from here guy. Although their are some serious trust issues from your side, I can see where and why they have surfaced. She COMPLETELY disrespects the relationship and you. How bad do you think she really wants this relationship? She is LOVING the attention she's getting from this guy Jack. Don't be a sucker man. She's playing with your emotions and has a big lack of respect for the relationship. When a girl spends time with a guy she KNOWS wants her, it's time to re-evaluate what YOU want. If you have to go through her phone due to trust issues, it's time to call it quits. No trust equal a very un healthy relationship. I know you're miserable and unhappy, so why keep doing it to yourself? Oh you love her right? Well how much do you think she cares about you? Doesn't seem like she cares to much about you at all. Do me a favor, from here on out take notice to her actions, what she does vs what she says.

[Wakeup]

^^^ Yea, what he said.

•Vicke tells me she loves Jack he is a nice and cool guy and that if me and her werent talking she would probably be dating Jack. Yeah... I have no idea why anyone would say this but she did.
•I go through her phone and see that Jack asks her to a dinner and a movie and she accepted it. I confront her about it and she says it isn't a date and they are just friends.

Op: If you believe that well.. never mind. O.o

Get away from her unless you want to be played even more and stripped of your confidence and self-respect. You don't want that do you?

I think it would be ridiculous to break up over this...

you think wrong! She's playing you and I suspect John and Jack don't want commitment and she is the perfect target because she is in a relationship with you so they get her company and sex when it suits them without the strings of commitment. She makes me wanna puke. Why do you love her?

•I confront her another time a few weeks later about Jack. This time I am ready to end it over this. She asks me if I want her to stop talking to him... she offered to ditch the guy. I'm not a complete inconsiderate asshole, I want her to be happy and have friends.

You just gave her permission to disrespect you and treat you like shit. Why would you tell her it was okay to keep in contact with this guy when it is plainly NOT okay with you? Don't do that again. If someone is continuously crossing relationship boundaries (which she certainly is) then don't say it's okay to keep seeing/talking to that person when it's not okay. That is enabling her to continue her emotional affair. Women like her will tear you up and spit you out when it suits her. Take back your personal power and dump her now before she steals away your joy one DATE with Jack or John at a time. Yes, she's doing date type things with these guys while she leaves you at home.

You two are not meant to be life-partners. Get out now while you still have your self-respect.

[smackie9]

Are you two even official? or are you trying to make it official, but it's not happening?

[smackie9]

The impression I'm getting is that she is just playing the field and whatever is going on between you two is just casual, but you want her so bad you are trying to make her your GF.

[smackie9]

I think this is a case of mistaken identity....she is not his GF lol.

[GPLOC]

I can tell in 3 sentences that you tend to obsess over things intensely and you've been burned bigtime in the past. Women find this MONUMENTALLY unattractive. And the more you go on about all this, the more likely she'll end up with one of the guys that concentrates on his own shit instead of obsessing over whether his girlfriend/semi girlfriend is gonna cheat on him. Sorry. But honestly dude, do you really give a **** that much anyway? So your friend is sex obsessed and wants to bang your (assumingly attractive) girlfriend. Who's doesn't? The world is not against you, mate. Pick up your balls and let her make up her own mind, for a real reason instead of because she feels pressured by you. Do your shit. Carry on with your own life. And DO NOT GIVE A **** WHETHER SHE ENDS UP WITH ONE OF THEM. Cause by default, she'll end up with you mate. Trust.

[GPLOC]

Sorry just read a bit more, 'she'd be with jack if you weren't dating'. that means, yea I'm banging jack too, but he's just way too hot and 'cool' for me and has other interests, so I'm here with you. Also, you went thru her phone? Dude, in ten years you'll be the husband that beats his wife and she'll be the serial cheat that snorts coke in the bathroom because of her severe depression. Honestly. What the hell. Sort ur head out before you think about dating. And tell her to slide on she'll never respect you mate.