Need some strong advice on my relationship (her ex, and out sex)

[WhySoSrs]

Hey.

I'll try keep this as short as possible.

Last 1 week i've been driving myself crazy at thoughts, thoughts i'm having when i go to sleep, thoughts i have all day at work, and obviously right now, thoughts that make me question my relationship at times, heres why..

I was close with my girlfriend 4 years ago now, we never got too close though, no sex, or anything like that involved.

Anyway, we split, she went off with the new guy who she was friends with and close too when i was seeing her, and i found a new girl a few months after that, but never really properly moved on.

Nearly 2 years on, she got dumped by this guy cause he started seeing someone else so consequently ended it with her, and my partner too, finished with me looking for something else in her life.

So, im back with her now, have been for 5ish months, but i've been getting thoughts and feelings that she's maybe not over her EX.

She does talk about him at times, but not as such as saying "oh i used to have so much fun doing this with him" or "i used to love going there with him" but it's more things she says like, "i remember this film i went to watch it with 'him'" or, "yeah when i bought my car i went with 'him' and he helped me pick". etc. Maybe it's normal to just casually enter your EX into conversation? is it? I don't ever mention mine, purely on the fact i don't have any interest in hearing about hers, i guess it even makes me a little jealous?

I have confronted her twice about her EX and how she kind of shrugged me off for him back in the day, i have said it bothers me, but she ends up saying she can't believe i'd think that of her and becomes upset by it, and in a bad mood with me.

I have no other evidence for her not being over her EX other than the fact she just mentions him abit. (He dumped her nearly 2 years ago now!)

So do i have to right to believe she's not over him? or am i being insecure and ridiculous and unfair on her?


Secondly, the sex, we have sex reguarly, it's always been like this, but more lately, she only seems to enjoy the fist 1/2 minutes of sex, after that it's just me doing my own thing whilst she lays there in silence, as if she's so bored, haven't talked to her about it, and my 2 previous sexual partners havent had any complaints and seemed like they were enjoying it much more, so i'd like to think its not me, but maybe it is? Also, out sex routine is the same everytime.
What does it sound like the problem may be here??

[smackie9]

You are starting to see an emotional coldness in your relationship and you are trying to blame it on her possible feelings for her ex. I doubt very highly this has anything to do with her ex.....it just that your relationship is on it's way out.....not everything lasts forever.

[WhySoSrs]

Well, don't want to come across cheesy here, but this is the girl i've loved for years, the girl i want my future to be with.

I don't feel no emtoional coldness from my perspective towards her ,as when i'm with her im at my happiest, it's the thoughts i get when i'm not with her, or hear her remind me or herself of her ex.

[smackie9]

I meant from her.......remember this isn't about you, but how things are changing a bit with her, including the sex....and it's only been 5 months and things are already starting to feel off. You may see a future with her, but it doesn't mean she feels the same way. Step up and talk to her about these concerns.

[WhySoSrs]

How do i approach a conversation like that? She's a sensitive person and can be quite easy to upset.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

She doesn't feel the same way about you. Dump her, and start moving on. It only gets harder everyday that you wait.

[smackie9]

Stop making excuses for her.....sensitive or not, you need to be able to communicate with each other if you want this relationship to survive....if she can't handle it, this and her future relationships will fail anyways.....she has to grow up, and learn to talk openly about things with her partner.....period.

[miffy]

Smackie said it - communication. Right now you're guessing, and noone here can tell you what's going on in her head. Only she can, and if she wants to lead a good relationship with you, she will.

I wouldn't put too much weight on mentioning an ex. It often just means that the former partner is very intricately tied to memories of that time, it doesn't automatically mean she still has feelings for him. There are several things in my life that remind me of former relationships as well, and sometimes I'll go "oh yeah I used to do that with....she used to like those..." etc...I remember them fondly as good memories, but that doesn't mean I'm still in love with these women or hung up on them. Same goes for her, I would assume.

And the sex is also a communication problem. There can be so many reasons for her not enjoying it properly, you can only find out be talking with her about it. I would suggest that performing the same routine every time will not help in getting her excited, however. Seems like you're missing the "playful" element of it, and the excitement. This may sound very unoriginal, since everyone gives this advice at some point, but spice it up a bit. Sex outdoors, different techniques (you can look some up), at least change position But that will all not really help if something else is bothering her...so talk to her.