Heartbroken 10 months ago, still think about it...

[qwerty123456]

I'll try to keep this short.

Basically, I was in a relationship with a girl for about 6 months when she broke up with me.

We broke up for various reasons, long distance being one of them. Even though the the relationship lasted only 6 months and I've been in previous relationships, she's the only girl I fell in love with. Despite this, I was considering breaking up with her before she ended it and I've never wanted to really get back together with her.

Last time we got in touch was about a month after we broke up when I basically said I didnt want to become friends as it would just be too difficult so we mutually left it there.

So we've been broken up about for about 10 months now...and I still think about her, even though I really dont want to. I thought at this stage I would be well and truly over her. I've wanted to get in touch with her throughout but stayed strong as I've never wanted to show her that I cared anymore.

I've dated other girls and hardly thought about her during these period though I've end those as the girls weren't right for me and I didnt want to lead them on. The only plus has been that I havent thought about my ex as much.

I found out over a month ago that my ex in now in a relationship with some new dude but this hasn't bothered me at all surprisingly. What bothers me is the fact that she literally would not care at all if I ever got in touch with her.

My question really is: Re: Thinking about her - Is it REALLY going to be like this until I get into another serious relationship? Cos if it is, that that sucks.

Just to point out, I don't want to get back with her or anything (and I never have), I just wanted to feel nothing for her, as crude as that sounds. For the record, I'm 28.

Even reading this back it sound ridiculous but anyway, all comments are welcome.

[Wakeup]

Re: Thinking about her - Is it REALLY going to be like this until I get into another serious relationship?

Yes it will be like "this" if you don't make a conscious effort to STOP thinking about her. You have to consciously turn the channel when she pops into your mind.

You want to reach the stage of indifference to her. Quit wondering about her.. purposely stop entertaining memories of her.. who cares what she's doing now? Really! Time to focus on forgetting her now, not remembering her.

[SelfLove]

I honestly was in the same boat as you. Wakeup is right. You have to find things to do to get your mind off of her. During my heartbreak I learned how to reconnect with myself. I took up old hobbies, and even made some new ones. Whenever, I find myself thinking of her I just switch back to what I'm now passionate about. My guess is you think of her constantly each day. I can promise that once you refocus on positive things you'll look back someday and think of her and it won't even bother you. You just have to get out of the habit of dwelling on the thought of her. Who cares what she is doing right now with her life. What's more important is what you are doing to improve your own.

[qwerty123456]

Thats the thing tho, I hate caring about what she's doing with her life, I just subconsciously do.

Thanks for the comments, sometimes the best advice is seems so simple. I will definitely try to consciously switch off once she enters my mind and focus on what I enjoy doing.

Just wish I'd taken this approach months ago, better late than never!

[videoangel]

I think you think about her still because she was so dang COOL about the whole breakup. Unfortunately men are suckers for that! If she was all over you and crying and kept calling you couldn't get over it, and persisted and persisted you probably would have forgotten over her in flash! Am I right? I think you would have liked a little more of THAT so that you could have gotten over her quicker, or at least a mutual sadness about the breakup! Maybe you are just alot sweeter than her... or maybe she knew that if she showed you what she was really feeling, then it would of just dragged on and on and to no avail because of the distance! It would have made things alot harder for the two of you. Just imagine in your mind (even if it may not be real)..that she was crying everyday, going out of her mind... eating alot of crap and getting fat.. doing rediculous things to try and get over you.!. and then you might feel better! Just balance your mind out that way. :-) And you never know, they may be EXACTLY what she was doing and never told you!!

[dem862]

Many girls get over a relationship by getting into another one. Any halfway decent girl usually has several guys waiting in the wings and she just lets one pick her. Some guys seem to have to actively detach before they can move on. The act of detaching can be somewhat painful, so it is easy to put it off. Detaching means letting go of the past by bringing closure to it. You wouldn't sit in a theater after the movie has ended, would you? It has helped me in the past to write down my feelings for an ex-lover and then burn the paper and a photo in a little fire and smash the ashes into the dirt with my shoe. Then when I am tempted to think of her again, I visualize the fire and the ashes instead.