Am I being unreasonable or is it emotional abuse

[Chris2529]

My husband is upset with me as I have 100 or so pairs of shoes. I told him I work hard so up until the day I stop working if I want to buy shoes with my money I will and he has no say. He says that it is not normal to have that many pairs of shoes. I told him he was emotionally abusing me.

Am I being unreasonable or is it emotional abuse?

Chris

[MaidenMinx]

Dear God. Wow, you guys need some real problems if this is the worst you have.

Are your shoes creating a storage or financial issue? Is he actually being nasty about the amount of shoes you have or is he simply confused and overwhelmed? What has he done to make you think he is emotionally abusing you?

[Chris2529]

We have our mountains to climb like everyone but I think this is a mole hill. When I met him I had 180 pairs but he had issue with that so culled it down to 50 pairs. I just don't think it should be an issue to him but these sorts of things send him into dark moods that I then have to tippy toe around. I find that abusive.

[MaidenMinx]

Obviously this is a long term issue with him that you should have foreseen.

What exactly is his problem? Does he simply find it frivolous and unnecessary? Would he prefer you save that money for other things?
And don't get me wrong, I love nice shoes, but why so many? And on average how much do you spend per pair?

[iamaninnocentma]

100 pairs of shoes is ridiculous. I can see why it annoys your husband. How would you feel if he had 100 pairs of trousers?

[Chris2529]

I wouldn't care if he had 100 pairs of trousers. I like to look nice so I have lots of clothes and lots of shoes. He continually goes on at me about my spending. Does he want me to give him receipts or something? The shoes I buy are mostly on special on online blowouts. Shoes that are normally $4or500 marked down to $100 or $150. There are more important things to worry about than my what I spend on shoes, clothes or toys for the kids.

[iamaninnocentma]

each pair of these shoes costs 100 bucks? wtf. do you realise thats over 1 million dollars in shoes.

im sure you wouldnt like to wash 100 pairs of trousers and then iron them.

[Chris2529]

It's more like $15,000. Before we got married to him he saw my shoe collection. Then I has close to 200 pairs and they were all designer - jimmy and so on. Probably nothing less than $300. He told me that there was no way he could live with someone that had that many shoes so we agreed that I cull them down to under 50. I don't think that is fair - if I am working why can't I have more?

[iamaninnocentma]

people in china dont have 1 pair of shoes and you think its ok to have 200. you cant see how its morally wrong? and if you agreed to cull to 50 pairs, why have you still got a 100. a woman needs 2 pairs of shoes. one for doing the dishes and one for walking. anymore is a disgrass.

[bluesummer]

I wouldn't call it emotional abuse per se, but he was obviously aware you liked shoes before. He has no right to tell you that you 'can't' spend money on shoes or limit how many pairs you own, unless A) you're going into debt over it or B) you're spending HIS money on them. I know many women with 100 or 150+ pairs of shoes. Who cares? If it's not hurting anyone he needs to respect your quirks, as I'm sure he has his own little annoying things you have to put up with.

I have probably 65 pairs of shoes, but the way I see it, it's my money and I can spend it how I like as long as I'm chipping in for my fair share of the household costs. My husband has three sets of golf clubs and a closet ful of expensive golf shirts, pants and shoes. We both agreed that he will turn a blind eye to my shoe buying and I will turn a blind eye to his golf equipment buying. So whatever, we're even.

[Chris2529]

Tx blue. That's what I think. I don't live in china iaman but even if I did and earnt enough money to, why shouldn't I be able to?

[iamaninnocentma]

ill put it a little simpler for you.

you have 100 pairs of shoes.

100 people in china have no shoes.

Do you think this is a coincidence?

[Chris2529]

Iaman you post a woman only needs two pairs of shoes I will assume that she needs none when pregnant as she will be barefoot and in the kitchen. What a ridiculous post. There are over a billion people in china and my 100 shoes are not going to put shoes on their feet. There are starving children in Ethiopia, India and my shoes are bot going to feed them. Their are child prostitutes in Thailand and phillipines and my shoes will not rescue them. Girls are not educated in Taliban regimes but my shoes will not educate them.
I fundraiser for sick children and do my part to pay back.

[HeartIsAching]

It depends. Is he using coercion, intimidation, emotional (name-calling), economic abuse, or isolation to try and force you to change?

If not... then no. You may be having a disagreement, but that's just a fact of life.

Personally, I don't get it, but that's me. I've got a pair of tennis shoes, a pair of dress shoes, a pair of work boots, and a pair of flip-flops. My wife has like six pairs of tennis shoes (really? why?) pumps, flip flops and heels... but they're her shoes. So what if most of the under-the-bed space is taken up with her shoes.

Everybody's got some sort of collecting weirdness. My grandmother could've given Imelda Marcos a run for her money. Ok, not really, she only had one walk-in closet for her shoes.

[iamaninnocentma]

yeah, i win the prize for most ridiculous post in this thread.

Im sure you are not the only person in the west that has more shoes/clothes than they need, so dont take my posts as a personal insult. As for the cost of your shoes not helping any of your quoted needy people. One pair of your shoes would feed an african family for a year. the point i am making is, you dont need 100 pairs of shoes. no one does. if you have so much money to spare that you can spend upwards of 300 bucks on shoes, im just saying that , this money could be put to better use, and probably make you feel much better than another pair of shoes can.