i want to get back together with my ex. any hope?

[apple1111]

So here's the whole story between me and my ex. Its very long and complex and I would love to have some advice and input. Thanks for those who stick through and read the whole thing!

So my boyfriend and I had been dating for a little over a year and a half. We "broke up" four weeks ago because he had a concussion in march and since then we'd been having a lot of problems and fighting a lot we weren't speaking for 5 out of 6 weeks because he "needed time". He would overreact over tiny little things that would become huge problems for us. But the main argument that lead to our break up was that his sister was attacking me because i wasn't comfortable with him going to the junior prom with her friend. I don't know why it just bothered me he wouldnt be going had she not asked him. In the end after we broke up his parents made him go because they felt bad for the girl. His family is really involved in his life and our relationship as well, I think it negatively affected us sometimes :/

He asked for time after we got into the fight about the prom. The bigger issue there was that he wasn't taking my call, I had been calling his cell which when he's home, he doesn't answer. So I called his house and his mom answered. I told her I had't heard from him and asked her if she could just let him know that I called and to call me back. Apparently they got in a big fight and he blamed me. He then asked me for time. It ended up being two weeks and then he ended it. I think the post-concussion syndrome was just the tipping point. He was under a lot of stress from everything and I feel like our relationship was just one more strain on him that he couldn't handle.

The doctor and his parents we're telling him to not make any rash and permanent decisions while he goes through therapy and everything. His mom lets me know how he's doing and she says he seems happier, its been about four weeks. He found out we were talking though (something that really used to bother him, and even started the fight that broke us up) and when he saw I was calling, he smiled and even tred to pick up and say hi to me. But anyways he wants to talk at the end of June because he hopes he will want to fix things because right now our relationship is a "crumpled ball of paper that can't be fixed" but he doesn't know if it's the concussion speaking or not. He says there's a part of him that wants to be with me and part of him that thinks he shouldn't. He hopes he will want to fix things and try again but he can't make any promises. He said he still loves and he even said when we said goodbye and everything. He just gave me so much hope and so much to believe in that we will end up back together. We even had break up sex (cause im a dumb ho) and he said it like made him want to be with me at that moment. And that like even being around me made him almost change his mind and that he can't stay mad at me when I'm there. He seemed to regret that he said we couldn't be together.

My issue is just not knowing what to do with myself right now. I don't know if I should still have hope for him and us but at the same time I don't want to get my feelings hurt. I don't know what to do or what to really prepare myself for when we go to talk. We agreed to not talk for the time being I was thinking about sending him a text just to say hi and that I'm still here and just kind of remind him that I'm here. The smiling when I called and other things like that make me really want to have hope and really want to be with him but I don't want to get hurt again. He was sincere when he said he wanted to try and fix things or well at least hope he will want to try and fix things. I really don't think he's playing games with me and I know his feelings for me aren't gone, he cried when we said goodbye, he said i love you as well.

Its hard I just want to be happy with him and I'm trying to work on myself too, but it's hard and I really miss him in a big way! I've done a lot of thinking and a lot of growing up and have a bit of a new appreciation for what we had. His mom has been updating me and he seems to be doing well. I havent gotten in touch with her, she call me sometimes and we we're always close. Thats the way she works even though I know thats somewhat unusual. She also told me that he told his father that he isn't planning on hooking up with any other girls because he couldn't do that to me.

I was planning on texting him and just letting him know that when we talk I don't want him to feel any pressure to make a decision that he isn't quite ready for. I want to let him know that I don't want to put a deadline on this.

People are telling me a lot of different things but I want some non-biased opinions and some help please! I'd really appreciate any advice you could give me! I posted on another forum and felt kind of attacked so be gentle please!! Thanks everyone

[rylege]

As a guy who actually tried to get my ex back and failed, I'm sure it might apply the reverse. The best thing for you to do is NO CONTACT rule. The more you push the more he will slip from your fingers. I know it is hard, but you have only two choices. Push him away further by pursuing too hard or having patience and giving him his space for a time. Do not contact him! I imagine after that long together that you will hear from him. For now I would say wait a month, then send a simple quick text telling him you are thinking about him. Then wait another month and send another. You have to be delicate about this.

[apple1111]

As a guy who actually tried to get my ex back and failed, I'm sure it might apply the reverse.

what did you mean by this?

and i am going no contact actually! its been rough and its been about a month. i was gonna shoot him a text after the weekend and then resume the no contact thing. i just hope your right that ill hear from him

[Cerby]

Hi Apple,

You post drips with a clingy neediness that only teenagers can really have. It sounds like you wanted to be in constant contact all the time, and any time he wanted to do something outside the relationship you probably gave him problems with it. Concussion doesn't effect emotion, just sleep patterns, headaches, and sometimes just a simple need to recover (as a long time hockey player I've had a couple, so its knowledge from experience).

You need to stop calling his mom, stop texting him, and actually give him the space he clearly asked for. Being needy and always texting is the best way to push someone away. Wait for him to contact you to meet up, if he doesn,t you have your answer. When he does, be receptive of what he has to say. If you start a conflict at that time, it will be over for good.

[rylege]

what did you mean by this?

and i am going no contact actually! its been rough and its been about a month. i was gonna shoot him a text after the weekend and then resume the no contact thing. i just hope your right that ill hear from him

When I broke up with my ex, it took me over a year to realize I made a terrible mistake. When she was trying to get me back she tried too forcefully and actually pushed me away further. When she stopped, it was not long after I realized I made a terrible mistake and loved her. I tried getting her back and failed! That's what I was talking about. Take it slow.

[caligirl23]

Ok, I say this only because I have been in the same situation, yet thought "i need to fight for him! I need to show him that I love him" and my goodness, could I not have been more wrong! I pushed him away, he thought I was crazy and I ruined any chance I could have had. I have since learned my lesson and have backed off when a relationship ends. Time away is the best thing right now. I was more concerned of the "out of sight , out of mind" and thought if I wasn't popping up here and there, that he would forget about me. My random little "pop-ups" were perceived as me being desperate and stalkerish, which was not at all what I was going for. I say leave it alone. If a man truly wants to be with you, he will not forget you. As time goes by, he will remember good things about you and tend to forget the bad (if any) and it will be his decision to contact you. NO CONTACT for now.