Can't get over him, near to impossible.

[olivia_xo]

Okay i find it hard to really find stories on the internet that relate to my situation, so i thought i might as well tell my own story and get proper advice or help on it. it just sounds stupid because i never even dated this guy, or even did anything with him, but yeah a long-ish story ahead, i'd really appreciate someone to take the time to read and respond to it.

i honestly just want to get over this guy now, because for all the times he's made me feel so amazingly happy just by talking to me and spending time with me, it doesn't really contemplate for all the other times i've just spent wondering and being confused.

anyways here we go. i spent 2 years at sixth form/college (from aged 17 to 19) being friends with this guy, lets call him dan, not particularly close, but like flirty friends i suppose. we knew eachother pretty well, but wouldn't really call him a 'close' friend. for the first few months we were just friends, then he text me one day saying he wanted to be more than friends, and i responded feeling the same way, because honestly within the first 2 weeks of talking to him i had a huge crush on him. anyway, during our time of being 'more than friends' i kept hearing rumours that he just wanted sex, wasn't in it for the relationship etc. and so i confronted him about it numerous times for him to reassure me that it wasnt true (he was still a virgin btw) and that he wanted sex to be with someone special. so i kept things at a pace, he would always pursue conversations with me etc. and we spent pretty much the whole of last summer like that. but because i was always around him and his friends, i heard the way he talked about sex and the stuff he said he would do with other girls and so i thought, well he's not taking this seriously or asking me out on dates so why should i. and then a few days later i went out with some friends for the night, and got with a guy which i found out the next day that dan was very angry about, and said he wasn't just gonna be a 2nd best option, which i reassured him he wasn't.

anyway as time passed through that summer, he would always drop hints about how we should hook up, but the way he said it never reassured me enough that he wanted to actually date me, as oppose to just hooking up and having sex with me. so when we went back to college in september, i messaged him saying 'what is actually happening with us', which he read and ignored (yes, the R and D on BBM becomes handy sometimes) for me to get very angry about, and so i just demanded an answer because i deserved at least an answer, as the last time i didn't 'check' what was going on he got completely pissed at me for getting with someone. we discussed everything, and he said how he always tried but i never gave anything back, made him feel stupid for trying etc. and i said, well he always knew i liked him as we both told eachother that at the very beginning, and yeah we had a massive chat and had a mutual agreement to just call it 'friends' again. but then about a month later, i was out and he was drunk messaging me saying he can't be 'just friends' with me and we had a chat about that on our phones, and the last thing i messaged him saying was "well if you don't wanna be just friends then you know what u can do" which he also never responded to. so yeah, i was completely done at that point, well so i thought. i ignored him for a few days until we ended up at a house gathering together, both quite tipsy, and ended up sharing a bed for the whole night talking everything through. again, we agreed friends was the best option.

then we were completely happy and fine being just friends, until christmas came along and we were both out for christmas eve, and ended up dancing together. when the night ended we both went home seperately, but he messaged me asking if i wanted to meet up. i said to him, yes but not if its just for sex cos you know im not like that. he, again, reassured me it wasn't. he got his friend to drop him, but i fell asleep before he arrived so never actually did meet up. we spoke the whole of christmas day he seemed fine, i said i was very sorry. and he was just being generally nice and complimentative that day, and obviously that felt nice. then came the return to college after the christmas break. this is where i really started to feel down, he'd just changed completely his attitude towards me, hardly spoke to me, only initiated an occasional conversation on our phones, and just seemed to care less. so i gave him one final confrontation and said to him, as we clearly didn't work out can you atleast attempt to be civil and have a bit of respect towards me considering everything you've said in the past (because in general, he is a 'nice' guy to his friends, very polite mannerisms etc. and i just wanted that sort of respect) and he then said how, i am the perfect ideal girl but the timing just isn't right, and he just isn't ready to commit etc.)

i never showed him i was angry when i heard that, cos at the time i liked the way he phrased it (cant remember it word for word now) but now i think back and reflect the situation, he did effectively lead me on by not being clear as to what he wanted. and in the back of my mind i knew all along it was only sex he wanted, but i wanted to believe it was more, and my stupid 'wanting what i can't have' motive seemed to stop me from really letting go of the him. and even now, after trying so hard to get over him, it has taken one conversation of him complimenting my photo for me to be right back to lusting after him. i feel it's so impossible to get over him, and i just want some reassurance that he is an **rsehole in this situation, and i am a lot better off forgetting about him and finding someone else, even though i don't feel like there will ever be anyone to ever make me feel the way he did. it sounds so ridiculous because the most intimacy we shared was the night in bed together where we didn't even DO anything, and dancing together. PLEASE. SOMEONE. HELP.

[Cerby]

Sadly, he isn't the arsehole in this situation. You were just as mis-leading as he was in almost every situation. Inviting him over to hang out and then "falling asleep" and missing it? Where is the respect there? You knew what he wanted and you still stuck around, still tried for something that was impossible, and had far too many confrontations for a "friendship".

At the end he gave up and started ignoring you, but what do you expect? You stuck around for a while, he tried, you said no but still stuck around. You're a bit of a fool in this situation, so I wouldn't pin it all on him.

But I can reassure you this isn't worth it and moving on is for the better.

[olivia_xo]

Well I didn't exactly know for sure all he wanted was sex. When I write it all down like this, yeah it's pretty obvious. But when stuck in the moment of him being the way he is, it's quite hard to accept that.

I only stuck around because he kept pursuing it. My happiest times in his company were when we were 'just friends' and he wasn't pursuing anything, but he could never leave it that way.

But the last bit reassures me, thank you.