Boyfriend's Interfering Family

[Saga]

Hello.

Like many people, I've been having some issues with my boyfriend's family. It's not necessarily that I don't like them- I do. They're nice, at least from what I've seen. The issue is that they don't repect/don't care about my boyfriend's and my relationship. I am very busy- working and doing gigs, so when I plan times to see my boyfriend I can't easily just adjust them. We only see each other once or twice a week usually. He will tell his family he has plans with me and at the last minute they will spring something on him to take them somewhere or run some errand that EASILY could have waited (he lives with them!!). I think that's rude on their part- if he told me he had plans with his fam I wouldn't ask him to do something with me all of a sudden at the exact same time that his family event was. If it were infrequent it wouldn't bother me, but this happens to at least 50% of our plans. I don't think they have a specific issue with me, although I'm 3 years older than him, but I don't think that bothers them (we're both over 21). I'm not sure about his grandmother because a) the very few times I've called there she's sounded annoyed at me, and I mean I'm always polite, and b) I know it's petty, but one time she made this comment that I look a lot bigger than she'd remembered, even though I've been losing weight O_o. I just don't know how to deal. It's really frustrating sometimes, but I like my bf a lot. His grandma's husband died last fall so I've been sensitive to that, and his mom, uncle, and aunt are all single so I guess since my bf is an only child it makes me kind of the odd one out. I don't know...I just want our relationship to be respected and not consistently intruded upon. Even last night, we were on the phone and his grandma just picked up mid convo (awkward) and was like "'Matt,' I need to use the phone. You can call her back later." Who is an 80-year-old woman calling at 11pm??? Phone convo interruptions are pretty frequent as well. His cell phone is off right now for financial reasons, by the way. I live at home right now too and my parents never barge in on my plans with him. Any thoughts or suggestions?

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Talk to him about it. He's the only one that will be able to put an end to this problem. If he refuses to say anything, drop him.

[vashti]

He's over 21. If he wants to be treated like an adult and have no family obligations, then he should move out.

For the record though, blood is thicker than water. That is his family, and you are just a girlfriend. Not to be unkind, but you can be replaced, and they can't, so if you can't see how you would fit into the family circle, maybe you should find a different boy?

[Boisdevie]

He sounds like a wimp for taking this kind of crap. It's pretty clear he either doesn't see a problem or is unable/unwilling to deal with it. I'd let him know how you feel and then make a decision based on his response.

[Saga]

We've talked. He's really annoyed by it. He sees that there's a problem, and he'll argue with them, but they'll throw the "well, it's our house" and "you're being disrespectful" cards at him, and that's that. And they probably look at me as the problem since he's never necessarily talked back until now. He's still in school, so he can't afford to move out yet. He's never been away from home for more than a week, so his "mothers" (mom, grandma, aunt) are used to always have him there to do what they want/need. I don't know. I guess I'll have to stick it out until he moves out. Even when I move out his fam would probably throw a fit about him spending the night with me. They're very religious. Then I bet they'd REALLY "coincidentally" interfere with our plans. I'm not sure what he can say, or what to tell him to say.