How Do I Make Her More Comfortable?!

[ConfusedEffort]

I've known this girls for about a year now and we have just recently started hanging out to get to know eachother.

After a month of going out and doing things together like the cinema and all the generic datey stuff - I wanted to ask her out and see what she said so we met up in a coffee shop to talk about what was next and she said she didn't feel she knew me well enough and that she wasn't sure of her feelings towards me or that she was ready at all because she has never been in a relationship..

She said she is very shy when around people and is basically completely different at home and with her close friends...(being lively, talkative and quite the extrovert..) which unfortunately I am not seeing when I have been out with her.. By the way... this is exactly the same with me... I am quite shy and introverted when with social groups and such but are goofy and really talkative and different when I'm at home but how do we break out of the awkwardness???

She said she wants to meet up a couple more times and see how things go but that raises the question;

How do I get her to feel more comfortable around me so that she can BE HERSELF?!
Where should we go next so that she'll feel more at home and will be able to show me that silly/funny personality of hers that I really want to see and get to know?

It's been a few days since we had that meetup - should I arrange the next date/hangout? or should I wait for her to make a move?

I really want her to be more comfortable around me and not be so shy because I think we would be great together ...

Sorry this is long I've tried to condense it down so it's more readable for you guys.

Thank you for taking your time to read this and any help would be much appreciated!

[Boisdevie]

You can only be yourself. If she's not comfortable then that is a problem that won't go away. But I suspect her saying that she wasn't sure of her feelings or ready for a relationship might be her way of trying to say no thanks but in a nice way. I'd give her one more date then decide.

[smackie9]

If she isn't feeling it by now, it ain't gonna happen. This has nothing to do with "getting comfortable" it means there isn't any chemistry. When a girl is really into you it's like popcorn cooking in a microwave, she goes off with a bang!

[JoeyJR]

have u even kissed her yet?

[cheeky_cherry41]

I was that girl. And the reason I couldn't be my self, was that perhaps unintentionally, he was making me feel uncomfortable. Just as I start to relax and be myself, he would become intimidated and get nervous himself (he was probably insecure) and then do something that made me feel uncomfortable like kiss me or something. So my advice to you is YOU ask her out (she is shy so she wont ask you out) BUT when you do go out, take a step back and let HER lead. Dont try to kiss her, dont try to hold her hand, just be nice. And you will see a different side to her. I wish the guy I was going out with did that and gave me a chance to show him the real me because I really liked him. But like your girl, I had never been in a relationship plus his overly confident attitude made it very difficult for me to be myself. But that guy had issues, and felt intimidated and insecure when he was seeing me lighten up and show my real bubbly side and did things to make me feel uncomfortable ... self destructing.

Also, you need to be very, very patient with this girl. Gradually start showing affection and don't expect much straight away. It may take her a few months before she begins to show affection.

Another thing is that some women dont like it when guys come on too strong. So hang out as friends, and she may start to really like you. Before you know it, she will tell you that she likes you but again, make sure you take it slow.

Anyway, try that and I would be interested to know how it goes!

[cheeky_cherry41]

Oh and where to go next? Walk in the park. So that she isn't restricted and tied down somewhere like in a cafe. Or something fun, rent out bikes and cycle round.. something to make her tick and have fun.

[Boisdevie]

It may take her a few months before she begins to show affection.

In which case most of us have already decided she's not interested and have moved on.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

How do I get her to feel more comfortable around me so that she can BE HERSELF?!

Slip her a roofie.


She doesn't sound interested, so if you're absolutely insistent, I think date rape is your best bet.