Dont know what to do.....

[Fabio760]

Ok so im new here but hoping for some unbiased advice:

So me and this girl have been dating for 6 months now. She has been my first everything, girlfriend,kiss,sex everything. Im a rather young guy (19) who can have total stage fright when it would come to talking to women but this one was different right from the start i felt cool calm and comfortable around her. Our first date was amazing and it rocketed full speed ahead for weeks, we were able to say i love you without hesitation, and from the start I knew it was something special and something I want for good.

Well that went on for a few months without hiccups or a single argument until we went to a movie and she was telling me how she has a huge crush on the main actor and how she has all his movies and what not and she asked me if i had any star crushes and I thought about it but being put on the spot rather quickly I blanked but thought about the movie and the main actress was very attractive but me being a dumb loud mouth said yeah she f'n hot....well she kind of giggled and we drove home. It was awkwardly quiet so i decided id put on my stuff and get ready to go although thats not what i wanted all i wanted was for her to ask me to stay...that really made her sour and i could tell and i asked whats wrong? she wouldn't budge and was just telling me goodnight and its like my plan backfired but eventually i got her to talk and she told me how hurt she was that I said that and how ready i was to leave but eventually we talked it out and made up. Little things like this started becoming more common.

Our first legit fight was when we were going to have sex one time i couldn't get hard, it had nothing to do with her i was just under the stress of my father passing not too long before that but she didnt know and i wanted to make love to her. Well when it happened i didnt know what was going on or why (like i said later i was able to pin it on that stress) im not experienced with the whole act in general and she flipped, she said im done i dont want it anymore. I felt horrible and like a failure and to add to the fact she felt so hurt like i did it on purpose or like i wasn't attracted to her and my mind was already racing thinking im broken or something and that hurt like hell. What made it even worse was we almost broke up because of that then we made up and were about to do it again and the same thing happened i was so afraid of it happening and focused on it that it did happen and same situation all over again but we made up.

Our biggest fight ever was when she found out i was looking at porn now to me it wasnt a big deal its not like id do it all day everyday and everyone does it so i thought it was normal but she did tell me how against it she was but i figured its just like scratching an itch to me. To her though it was horrendous practically cheating and she wanted to leave me but i begged and pleaded for her to stay with me but she wasnt having it and it was a nasty few days made even worse because it was around her birthday which she hates already and i had planned on doing something really special going to the beach the suprising her with a telescope and driving to the mountains because i know she loves star gazing and spending the dark night together but it fell through i didnt get to order the telescope and was left with nothing and come the day of i didnt have so much as a single card and she was extremely hurt. i thought I had lost her and i felt broken and lost but even still we made up.

Since then i changed completely, I havent looked at porn, I dedicate all my time to her, i put her before anything and everything like i thought i was doing before but she told me i wasnt doing enough. Well now its the opposite, she has her problems as well she tends to get angry easily so i walk on egg shells when i say things, she can easily shut me out and not give a half a crap about what i say and she does that VERY good, she can be controlling simply because shes very very independent she feels I treat her to well and that I deserve better yet at times she feels that im not accepting her for who she is but there's only so much a guy can take.

There has been several little disagreements here and there that have compounded into making me think would i be happy with someone else, but when the threat of her leaving me is very real i freak partially because i truly love her with all my heart and partially because i am unadmittedly afraid of losing the only girl ive known to be mine. Through every argument ive been the one to keep us together and want to work things out but when things get rough shes always the one wanting out but when things are good she wants to be with me as much as i want to be with her we speak of having children and getting our own place together and life beyond with total comfort.

theres soooooo so so so much more to the story but I guess basically what im asking is should i stay with her because i truly deeply love her or am i just afraid to break up? She honestly an amazing woman but it scares me to think if things go wrong she could up and leave without hesitation.

[smackie9]

Well guess what, welcome to dating girls at a young age....they are stupid, crazy and full of drama. It's not until they get into their late 20's do they finally grow some decent brain cells. And before I begin explaining the the workings of the female brain, you are too young to be talking babies and marriage....that is just infatuation talk at the beginning of a relationship....everyone does it but don't look at it as a promise, it's just talk. Trust me those thoughts will disappear after about a year when you finally dump her because she is still driving you frickin nuts.

Girls think: That you should never ever think about any other female but them. That you should only find her attractive, never to want to so much as look at another girl.
You should never need porn, that they should be all you need to turn you on (bahhhahahaha!).
Looking a porn is cheating ( ya right).
They believe that a relationship is forever...that's what is said in the fairy tales that daddy read to them so it must be true!
Stuff in romantic movies does actually happen (NOT!)
Everything is YOUR fault.
You should exactly know why they are mad and if you don't that means you don't frickin care!

Am I right on the money with that?

You deeply love someone, but not the monster she has turned into. Sorry but relationships do go sour because of bad behavior. Yes you don't need this bull shit, I agree 100%. When the tough gets going then the tough has to F uck off. It's time to dump her drama queen ass. You would be a pussy whipped dip s hit if you stayed with her.

[Fabio760]

I see where your coming from and would agree with you, but while you might not believe it i dont think every relationship is textbook...... there's an array to life

Im not saying your wrong it just seems to me like you went through this and came out bitter. Second we might be young but that doesnt mean your auto f'd theres several couples i know who are still together from being young teens it does happen. Shes 23 im 19 we met in college were not highschool kids running a muck. I might be young but talking about kids is real thing to me call me a rare breed but im one for the long haul not the wham bam thank you ma'am not knocking it just not my thing.

As for what you said about what girls think....uh...yeah thats not TOO far off the top half is right.

[smoothmazz]

You're young there is plenty of other woman out there. This woman is crazy, on to the next one. You do not love her you just lust for her...it'll go away after you realize who you are and you realize how unhappy you are.

[surfhb]

......and dont think it stops just because SOME women get older. The beauty of age is that its so much easier to spot this BS before anything goes anywhere.

[jetta86s]

Life must go on. Like I always say to my friends, never give your all in any relationship. Not because you don't love them but you have to leave some for yourself.

[Fabio760]

idk.......i feel torn because every time i look at her i KNOW i love her there's no doubt in my mind. I try to imagine life without her and sure I can see myself talking to and dating other girls but I feel like ill always miss her.

Do i love her? Without a doubt, will every relationship have its problems? i honestly believe so.

I feel like giving it more time before i make hasty decisions, I can have my faults too and shes stuck it out.

Things are good as of now just hope it stays that way.

[Lily_of_Isles]

She's being a drama queen for no darn reason at all.

It seems like you're giving a whole lot to making her happy but she hasn't changed an inch just to give you a little bit of leeway. She's pretty selfish and sensitive.
Think carefully about whether you want to put up with somebody like that.
Is she worth it?

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Why is everyone being such bitches lately? It's like no one has a real relationship issue worth fixing on here anymore. It's just spineless, morons that need to leave their relationships.

[smackie9]

I see where your coming from and would agree with you, but while you might not believe it i dont think every relationship is textbook...... there's an array to life

Im not saying your wrong it just seems to me like you went through this and came out bitter. Second we might be young but that doesnt mean your auto f'd theres several couples i know who are still together from being young teens it does happen. Shes 23 im 19 we met in college were not highschool kids running a muck. I might be young but talking about kids is real thing to me call me a rare breed but im one for the long haul not the wham bam thank you ma'am not knocking it just not my thing.

As for what you said about what girls think....uh...yeah thats not TOO far off the top half is right.

I'm a much older female and no my words have nothing to do with being bitter. And yes I know relationships are not text book, there are healthy relationships and there are unhealthy ones...and you are in the unhealthy category. I totally understand at this point in a relationship you are in it for the long haul but that's because you are in love, and everyone knows that when in love all logic goes out the frickin window. And when it gets ugly like this, your "in love brain" won't accept that she is being manipulative and abusive. Of course there are many reasons why a relationship can't work. From what you said that she sees nothing wrong with her, and that it's all your doing because you don't understand her.....well that's the manipulative bs I'm talking about. As for the abuse, it's obvious that you fear upsetting her and you have to walk around on eggshells, she threatens to leave and gets off on watching you plead for her not to, so now she has you scared like a little bunny and has total control over you and that my dear is what abusers want....total control.

I know this isn't high school stuff, I did say they are like this until they get into their later 20's did I not? She is still 23 and that is still the stupid ass drama queen age. I will warn you some do not grow out of it.

So if you want a solution, then here it is.....you must man up and take your balls back from her and put her in her place. Stop being a frightened little bunny and stand up for yourself. If she leaves you then fine it would never have worked out then and you have finally regained your dignity. If she comes back, then that means she really does love you and you finally got some respect.

[Lobsterpinch]

Having gone through this myself in my early twenties (I'm 29, male) with my fiancee, I have one advice for you. Don't take her shit and let your feelings be heard. If she loves you, she will listen and try to understand where you're coming from.

A relationship is a two-way street where both parties have to feel that they are getting their fair share of enjoyment out of it. If you let her have all the control, both physically and emotionally, you're going to end up resenting her and being unhappy. On top of that, she's going to realize that you're a "spineless moron" (quoting BackUp) and that you're not giving her what she wants in a man and she is going to find someone else who can stand up and speak for themselves.

Also, you say you love her but do you really understand what love means for you yet? In order to love someone, you have to first find out what you yourself need in order to feel loved.

[Fabio760]

I see what everyone's getting at but im not going to up and leave so hastily but it has helped me to understand that if stuff doesnt change for the better and it goes south again and we run into the same problem then maybe I should venture to happier avenues.

As of right now were good like i said hopefully it stays that way one more detail i should have factored in is the fact that we live together (sadly at me ma's ) so its not all too easy to just say hey im done but i guess if it comes down to it thats what has to happen. Idk im not one to just give up on things i try my hardest to make it work.

[Cerby]

I see what everyone's getting at but im not going to up and leave so hastily but it has helped me to understand that if stuff doesnt change for the better and it goes south again and we run into the same problem then maybe I should venture to happier avenues.

As of right now were good like i said hopefully it stays that way one more detail i should have factored in is the fact that we live together (sadly at me ma's ) so its not all too easy to just say hey im done but i guess if it comes down to it thats what has to happen. Idk im not one to just give up on things i try my hardest to make it work.

It is one thing to try, it is another thing to change into the person that they want you to be. Giving up porn, whatever, but changing as much as you have to make her happy just means you're being weak. You're afraid of being hurt, and this love must be the best there is...That is where you're wrong. Most of the people in this forum have been through several relationships, had broken hearts, and broken some as well. The hardest thing to do is to leave someone you're in love because the relationship isn't working. I hope in time you learn that this kind of decision is a necessary part of life, because no one deserves to be treated badly, or asked to change in a way they don't want.

[jetta86s]

......and dont think it stops just because SOME women get older. The beauty of age is that its so much easier to spot this BS before anything goes anywhere.

I agree 100 percent! Doesn't mean your old that your no longer beautiful, its when you stop being beautiful that you get old.