cake and eat it situation? or genuine?

[nocluewhattodo]

I did post this elsewhere but no reply so please men folk give me some sound advice

ok the short version, nearly 3 years ago I started seeing a man 4 years younger than me. I had just come out of a really bad relationship where i called off my wedding due to his cheating. Anyway, all was going well with new guy and then he told me he was moving away. A few months later i had ststarted seeing someone else and new guy tells me he hadnt moved away after all and was gutted id met someone. This pattern continued for the next nearly 3 years when we never seemed to be single at the same time. In this time not a day has gone by that i have not had a text or a call or a visit from this guy. Occassionally we did both find ourselves single at the same time and had really amazing sex and i thought it clear he only wanted me as a friend with benefits. About a year ago he started seeing this girl who he would constantly complain about and say it wasnt working, they didnt get on,barely saw eachother, sex was crap etc. Can I remind you that we have only ever had sex when we are both single, neither of us has ever cheated. Anyway over christmas i was away and he was away and he was texting and flirting saying he really missed me, that he and this girl had finally split up etc. So January he came over and we had sex. the following day he told me this girl had contacted him saying she was pregnant so they were going to get back together for the sake of the kid. In March he came over to see me, told me they were only together for the kid he isnt happy doesnt love er etc and im ashamed to say we ended up in bed together. I ignored him after this not returning his calls / messages due to guilt. He kept texting saying he missed me etc. Then a few weeks ago he told me they were going to move in together but he didnt actually want it to work, he wants to be a dad etc but not have any sort of relationship and could he come round. I said no. but we did end up both confessing that we have been in love with eachother for years. He moved in and ive not contacted him at all. then a week ago i got a text saying "ive tried to forget you but i cant, seeing you last made me realise how i feel, i cant stop thinking about the fact that you love me" I told him he should give things a go with this girl and he may feel differently when baby comes even though i dont mean it i know in my head its the right thing to do. He wanted to come and see me at the weekend and I agreed then changed my mind through feeling guilty. Im not contacting him staying away but I had my cards read and was told he is the person for me. I ignored the cards in favour of the right thing which i will continue to do but its really hard. He told me he thought he had messed it all up years ago and thats why he never told me how he feels. I thought he only wanted me asa friend with benefits and thats why ive never told him. Ive been out on a few dates with a really nice guy (you know the classic would make a good husband type but i feel nothing even though i know he would never act this way i just dont feel it )

[vashti]

There is no real reason for you to believe he cares for you as more than a FWB girl, regardless of what he says, and even if he does, it is probably only because he is having anxiety about a new baby coming. He had ample opportunity to have you, and never acted on it. That is NOT the behavior of a man who loves you.

I think you should tell him that in order for him to continue to have contact with you, you will need to have permission from the mother of his baby, straight from HER mouth, not his.

Keep going out with the nice guy. Sometimes actions precede feelings.

[haxan]

The short version answer: He is having a child with another woman. Have some dignity, show some respect to her and let this guy make what he can out of the path that he chose. Move on.