Should I just drop this girl.... ladies can you help me?

[MattMonster]

I really like this girl that I met about a month ago. For the first couple weeks we messaged all the time, inquired about eachother... just really enjoyed eachother's company. We have met up four times in total, none of them being a romantic date... but moreso just hang outs where we get to know eachother.

After the third "date" I kissed her. She seemed really into it and her body language suggested she was very happy I kissed her.... but then immediatley after that the messages stopped. There was about a whole week where I had to initiate every conversation and she seemed a little colder and little more distant. I decided to invite her to a get together at my house, so I did. We had a fire on Friday....

Well at the fire she was very distant. I kissed her when we had some time alone but it lacked passion.... I felt like she was not into it. I asked her straight up about it and she said "I'm sorry! I'm just so tired from work!" so I believed her....

Later that night we went to bed together. We didn't fool around or have sex, but just cuddled and slept. I made out with her a few times that night, but every time I didn't feel that passion on her end. When we woke up we sat and talked for hours and made out a few times. I confessed to her that I get nervous around her at times, but that I really liked her and I hope my nervous reactions didn't send the wrong message out..... she seemed to open up a little more after that but she still was distant. I then told her that I wanted to take her out on a romantic date, and that she should let me know a good time for that. She said "ok." but did not seem enthused. I asked her if she was actually into me and that it wouldn't hurt my feelings if she wasn't.... she reassured me she was but her body language suggested otherwise.

When she left later that morning I was convinced it was over as I was sure she was not into it. So I decided to not message her and to let the chips fall where they fall. Well.... she has been messaging me ongoing since then! Last night she was even like "I wish you were here" and things like that.... I am absolutley dumbfounded by this. What do you think is going on with this girl? Is she just playing games? Ladies if you think you know what is going on, please share some input because I just have no idea what to think. Am I just setting myself up for failure or do you think otherwise? Also, what should I do about the date idea... she still has not told me a good time (albeit it's only been two days, so I understand) but do you think I should take the initiative or wait until she mentions it?

Sorry about the long background story, I just feel it's important to add detail.

[smackie9]

Feels like you got friend zoned and are now her cuddle bitch. I doubt she is looking at you as BF material, she just enjoys the attention but it isn't going any further than that. Save your money, and cut back on the attention.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Next time you two are together, make a move to have sex with her. If you get rejected, leave(or kick her out) and ignore any further contact from her. She's an attention whore/game player and the easiest way to deal with it is to make a direct move on her.

You also need to be seeing other girls too.

[Boisdevie]

So, you're a guy with all your bits fully functional. You're sharing a bed and all you do is cuddle and 'make out' (whatevter the hell that is) but no sex? Jeezus, that's difficult to imagine and I"m an old fart of 48. Are you dead from the waist down?

[searock]

If her body language had been enthusiastic at your sweet words and affection, I would explain her behavior like this: maybe she wasn't sure that you were a "good guy" so to speak, maybe she felt like the passionate kiss on the third date had happened too fast, and so she pulled back a bit. After you talked the other night, she might have realized you are really into her and are potential long term bf material, hence the ulterior change in behavior towards you.

However, her coldness and lack of passion even after you opened up to her suggests that she really isn't that into you. The only way to know for sure is to wait and see if she brings up the romantic date you suggested. If she doesn't, let it go.

[MattMonster]

Trust me my friend, I would have slept with her had I got that vibe. But if I'm not getting the vibe from the girl then it's all off... I don't really get turned on at the prospect just shagging me because she feels obligated... or if she doesn't want to. This one, you could tell, just did not want to. Although... she did wear black underwear..... in of which case I misread the situation and turned down a really good opportunity.

[searock]

She was sleeping in a bed with you in her underwear? That's a pretty clear signal (regardless of the underwear color, LOL). However, she might have planned to have sex with you that night, but when it came to it, the mood just wasn't right. It's obviously not a good sign, but, the potential positive side is that the fact that you didn't even try to initiate, together with what you told her in the morning, made her realize that you are serious about her and don't just want to sleep with her. Whether she appreciates this or not is yet to be known - if she doesn't contact you talking about the date you discussed, she does not.

[MattMonster]

I guess eh? Man.... just clueless sometimes. See she messages me `ALL` the time though, at least every hour it's pretty intense. It seems she is very interested, and I asked her straight up if she was she's like "yeah I am" but.... I can't explain it she just does not act like it I guess.... body language is key and from the moment she came that night the body language was not there..... I also told her I'm usually the type to go with the flow and she's like "don't worry about it! Just go with the flow!".... I just friend zoned myself didn't I?

[searock]

No you didn't, not yet. I'm starting to think that you are completely clueless when it comes to reading body language. She was sleeping with you in her underwear, she told you to "just go with the flow", she messages you at least every hour... she sounds VERY interested. Ask her out. Be decisive, say something like "Saturday I'm taking you to a special restaurant" or something. If she says that she can't, ask her when she can. As long as you don't sound desperate, it's OK to be determined. Obviously if she keeps making up excuses then just tell her to let her know if she changes her mind, wish her well and don't contact her again.

[Zigg1]

i agree with searock, the worst thing is to catch feelings for her by trying to make it work and her just trying not to.

ask her what her plans are for a specific date, but dont make it obvious that your trying to trap her with the "lets go out that day question"

if she says "maybe" or "ill see" then you know shes not interested.

and if she does say yes but doesn't show any interest on the date then you know shes not interested.

she probably just has a physical attraction to you, but not an emotional one.

[brheartedgirl]

Marry her If she refused then you'll know the answer