Relationship breakup with foreign national before meeting each other

[Gigacore]

Hello,

I am very new to this forum and I am really in need to take suggestions and advices from you girls after my GF broke up with me.

I am a guy living in India. I was in relationship with a girl who lives in Netherlands and was my first love. We were friends on facebook for more than 2.5 years before I proposed her. We had never met each other before, but were very good friends. She always used to come to me when she was having difficult times and I was helping her most of the time as a friend. I had lot of crush on her after a year we met on facebook, I kept telling her that I love her but she took that as a joke. I never gave up and was waiting for a right time to propose her.

But after sometime, she got in to a relationship and all my hopes were shattered. As a friend, I wished her good luck for the relationship. But their relationship lasted 6 months or so. Even the guy she was in love was Indian and they never met each other before, she broke up with him thinking that he is being possessive.

After that breakup with that guy, she started chatting with me as usual as friend, I started making her feel better since she was depressed after the breakup. After 2 months buffer, I made a serious proposal to her that I love her. She took time of week or so and then accepted me as a boyfriend. I was so happy that she accepted me and I always wanted to make her happy coz I knew that she had a breakup and wanted to give all happiness and freedom that her ex didn't.

It was all good for around 6 months, later my love to her grew stronger and stronger everyday and I became little possessive. Also when she started spending more time with friends chatting, I started seeking her attention. She didn't like that and I controlled myself not to be possessive like that coz I knew she had same issue with her ex. I did as best as possible not to be possessive and have healthy relationship.

Being in India, I was trying to educate her on how dressing etiquitte in India could be -- that was because she had told me that she would like to learn the culture. I was telling her what sort of clothes she can wear and what not and she was okay with it, she was learning and even purchasing clothes that can be worn in India when we meet up. Everything was really okay and I don't know what went wrong.

She started going to parties and I was okay with it. I had never got to go to such parties, but I had told her that I wouldn't miss a chance if I get to, and told her that I dream of doing lot of things with her in such parties. She was occassionally having drinks, I was okay with it but was little concerned about her health since I cared a lot about her. She found that I am caring for her health and was happy but later she found out I was being restrictive -- but I wasn't. I was caring about her health, I was okay with she drinking ocassionally.

Just before the end, she had told me that she was feeling that we don't have future and won't be happy coz of cultural differences we have -- that thought is because we had fights while I was trying to help her just learn things in India. I never was restrictive, I was just letting her know about the culture. I never would restricted her to have drinks in India or wear certain clothes. Girls in India do wear all sort of clothes and go out, even with cleaveage, people now don't mind much about it, culture has been morphosed and evolved. -- I feel like I never should have even tried to educate her how culture stuffs work in India.

After all these, she broke up with me about 15 days ago. I tried my best to convince her as much as possible, I tried for almost a week or so. But her decision was too firm and kept saying that she doesn't love me anymore and that have no feelings for me than just a friend. She made a abrupt decision in leaving me, but when asked she said she felt that way from a month or so. But we really had a good time on skype and chat. She just left me abruptly.

Her parents had agreed for our relationship and even my dad as well. We were going really strong. We really had great time on skype all the time, we were harmonious. After the breakup, I had a discussion with her dad asking him to convince her and expressed all my feelings and the problem with our relation was that we never met each other. I was planning to go there, but didn't get passport in time. So she was planning to come here in a year or so. Her dad agreed with my words and I quote it here:

"I agree with you that the love between the both of you did not have a real change. Part of it is because of the distance and the fact that you have not really seen each other. Another part of it is the cultural differences between you and her"

"Communication is 10 % speaking and 90 % body language. And it’s the last part you missed. It’s the same with laughing. Mail, chat or whatever makes it serious. And young people must have fun and laugh together."

I tried to convince her the same, but she was bluntly ignoring my mails. We had never met each other and were totally different in real. Like her father pointed, we didn't have body language and eye contact. -- On skype we never ceased to have good times and had lot of fun. We both were very harmonious.

I pity myself that our relationship ended even before it actually started. I am very much stranded. I still love her a lot, friends and relations told me to move on. I tried to get her thoughts of my mind, but I failed to. I really don't see any future without her, she left me while I was strongly in love with her. I don't know what to do, she said we can still be friends after couple of months but I declined. She stopped talking to me since breakup.

What more can I do? Cultural difference was something we could have sorted out. Apart from that we had age gap of 5 years and were okay with it.

Any suggestions, advice and help would be appreciated.

[smackie9]

She is being realistic about the breakup and her reasons are valid. You really need to move on and you will be able to.. trust me you will. It was for the best. So I advise you respect her wishes and leave her alone. The quicker you move on the less pain you will have.

[cheekxs]

Is the girl a Indian girl living in Netherlands? Or is it a Dutch girl?

aND I think also she made the best decision. Cause i know culture and believe is 2 very sensitive things for people.

And it can be a huge problem if people cant find a way to deal with each other on that matter.

And its weird that you propose to her while you only know her from the internet. Is that how you guys get your wife's?
I think you need to spent time together to know each other. And also to feel if the affection is real.

And Netherlands and Indian are 2 very different places. So maybe she was feeling like you are being like a dad or something more then a boyfriend.
Like telling her what to do or not all the time. Thats boring and annoying. Especially for a Dutch girl i guess, cause they think they can do everything "freely".
No boundaries!.

THe good news is it was only internet so you can forget her more easily, then if there was physical affection.

Let it go. its good that she is honest with you! take it and leave!