In love with a man who has a girlfriend

[misserin]

Thank you everyone for your help.

Im struggling through at the moment but feeling more positive and starting to see things from the outside.
Im off on the trip of a lifetime with a best friend so I think this will help even more.

Hopefully I will come back a new woman!

Thanks again.

[Barrettt]

I think you should stay with him and keep your relation with him and i think he also love you.

[misserin]

Hi Guys, just an update on the situation...

Ive been away for two weeks on a fantastic once in a lifetime trip. I told my friend when we got there what had been happening and by the end of the trip I was feeling much more positive and detached. I have joined a dating site in order to divert my attention and I also quite liked a few guys when I was away, which I thought was a good sign.

Upon arriving back I received two messages off him. One saying he hoped I had a good time and another wishing me a happy birthday. I ignored both.

Anyway, when I got back I met up with a work friend who enquired about how I was going to approach returning to work. She suggested it would be better to make contact with him beforehand just to 'break the ice' as we have not properly spoken for a month.

At this point I also know he has not left his girlfriend, so its not as if I am coming back to a changed man.

So that evening I contacted him just saying I hoped he had a good summer and told him a little about my trip that I thought he would be interested in. As is usual with our text conversations the tone was light and humorous, joking back and forward. I know that we can text for hours so I decided to wind it up to try and keep things more 'formal' so I said it had been nice talking to him and I would see him at work in the near future. Up until this point our conversation had been fine. He then responded with 'I hope so, Ive missed you every single day'.
When I read that it felt like my world was knocked off its axis. I just sobbed and have been a mess ever since. Of course I did not reply.
Im completely baffled. Why would he say that when he knows how I feel? After we had that time to make progress? What would the possible benefit be of pulling me back into the situation?!
I miss him everyday too but Im not the one hanging onto a dead relationship. If it was the other way round I would of had the balls to fix it long ago. Sigh.

Im not sure I even want advice on this one. I just thought Id let you guys know the progress of the situation... or lack there-of.

[searock]

You should have replied "oh, so you've broken up?". Be sarcastic and cold, since you can't ignore him because you work together.

[alex17]

Lol i am going through the same thing right now but i am a guy. Basically me and this girl i have always liked (who was my friend from highschool) started up a relationship when her bf went over seas because he got deployed for a year to Afghanistan. The only reason i didn't feel to bad about it was for different reasons like 1. i was going to talk to her before her bf did but he barely beat me to it like a day before i was going to do it. 2. I don't know the guy. and 3. She said she didn't know if they would last because a year is a long time. She basically said that she loved me and loved him but her feelings for me were stronger blah blah blah all the typicall things. She even said she thought i was her soul mate and that she has never been in love with anyone like she has been in love with me. Well if that were all true she would have seen me within the last month she has been with him since he has been back wouldn't she?.
She also said she would be staying at her parents house still and not at his because she wanted to be able to see me still. Well that was a lie too because shes been spending every night at this guys house. She is a huge liar who is just out for her self. I don't know how someone can go a whole year telling you many times a day that they love you and how much you mean to them and spend every min of their day with you and how much they don't like their bf and always talk about how unhappy he makes her and then she goes right back to it, without feeling like they did anything wrong.
So you are not alone. I have learned a lot from this experience. The girl is bad news just like this guy is bad news for you. We obviously feel way harder for the other person then they did for us or they would have wanted to be with us. I remember this girl telling me she wanted to have my babys, and i was her soulmate and that she wanted to marry me someday. Stuff you just should not joke around about. Anyways hope this helped you.

[Wakeup]

So you are not alone. I have learned a lot from this experience. The girl is bad news just like this guy is bad news for you. We obviously feel way harder for the other person then they did for us or they would have wanted to be with us.

It's too funny that neither you nor the Opening Poster see their own culpability in their route to having their joy stolen.

I'll point it out to you both> The two of you chose to lie with people that are willing to cheat on their significant others. Surely you understand that the very fact that they didn't leave their bf/gf while they spewed their self serving rhetoric to you meant that they actually meant none of it.

"Buyer Beware!"

*

'I hope so, Ive missed you every single day'.
When I read that it felt like my world was knocked off its axis. I just sobbed and have been a mess ever since.

He really knows what to say to manipulate you. He's still with his girlfriend and he still knows how to tell you what he thinks you want to hear. Yes, nothing has changed.