What does it mean when my husband says he feels blah?

[heartach]

My husband is insecure and so am i and for the longest time he would complain and wonder why woman wouldn't hit on him but they would hit on other guys that were jerks and just the other day he said how his life isn't exciting and how woman like guys who are skinny and fat wallets and how rock stars have it all. I tried to be supportive and tell him how those girls are shallow and that maybe he doesn't know they are hitting on him or maybe cause he is married. It hurts hearing him say that. He seems bored with us and i feel he is here out of convenience and he is affraid of what i would do to myself or something if he leaves cause when he told me that last summer i didnt do to well with the news and he said " if i knew you were going to do that to yourself i wouldn't have said i would leave you". Do i need to give him an out? what does he mean when he says he feels blah? whenever i ask him how he feels that is what he says. What do i do and how am i to take that?

[IndiReloaded]

Find other sources of self-esteem than your husband. That's like the blind leading the blind. Do you have a job you enjoy?

Really, this kind of conversation is beyond useless in a marriage. Why are you even allowing it to happen? Why would he be thinking about other women when he has you? Remind him of this. Maybe you need to laugh at him and tell him the reason they don't hit on him is b/c they see he's married to an awesome woman and they don't stand a chance. If you don't believe this, then you need to spend some time working on your self-esteem. Yours, not his.

[cheekxs]

I think its stupid when people login just to ask us what some other person said means.
How do you think we can know what the person means?

You are the one that need to have the conversation and ask immediately: What do you mean with that?
And go into it to find out.
Dont wait till you get on this website cause we cant help you. We are not in the person head and heart.


I think its weird that both of you have the same issue. Normally one is different and so you fill each other.
Work on your own self-esteem. So when yo got that you will make some decisions and see some things yourself.

Cause you are marry maybe you both need consoling and also look for a sport and hobby that both of you like and
let it be part of your week and do it together or sometimes alone so your confidence can grow.
ReaD self help books about the issue you may have. and everyday try to say something nice about each other.

And at the end everyone is responsible for their own body and life and personality. so he have to want it.
and take action.

[smoothmazz]

You guys need to go to couples therapy, the end.

[Rinabear]

Try spicing up your relationship. If he says his life isn't exciting... try to do something exciting with him.. and if he doesn't
try to involve himself in it... then maybe you need to rethink your position as his wife.

[dem862]

He sounds depressed. That is not your fault. Does he masturbate to porn alot, or have some other addiction? It sounds like he may have blown out his pleasure receptors. I don't think there is anything you can do if you are already a normal, supportive wife. He may need counseling or to be put on meds.

[cheekxxs]

Next time he says to you he feels blah, tell him to take a shower. hahahahahahahahahaah lol

[heartach]

yes he does masturbate alot and porn and is depressed and suffers from what is called sexual anorexia. he runs hot and cold alot but i made it worse by snooping and calling him out on what i read and so he is more distant. He has tried meds but he said my ex and i were the reason he needed meds and he has done counseling off and on for a long time and he has a hard time finding a counselor he like casue they don't think the way he wants or he feels they dont' get him. He never stays long enough to get better. I am so hurt and stuck.

[heartach]

He has some female friends that can put a smile on his face and the one he calls a crush makes him feel good and he seems sad when he comes home back to me. Should i work on giving him a way out/ He says he doesn't necessarly want a divorce he just wants things better and more of how they used to be. Im just wondering if im too late or if letting him have his cake and eat it to will help.

[cheekxs]

I think if he can masturbate means he still have some sexual disire.

so i think it most be something emotional cause he have been true bad stuff while growing up.

i though he dont even touch his penis. like really dead.

But if he masturbate and dont touch you , there most be something emotional etc. with him.
and i dont think its really a sickness. but more a problem he dont want to deal with cause its to painful , but that stands him in the way.

[dem862]

yes he does masturbate alot and porn and is depressed and suffers from what is called sexual anorexia. he runs hot and cold alot but i made it worse by snooping and calling him out on what i read and so he is more distant. He has tried meds but he said my ex and i were the reason he needed meds and he has done counseling off and on for a long time and he has a hard time finding a counselor he like casue they don't think the way he wants or he feels they dont' get him. He never stays long enough to get better. I am so hurt and stuck.

I happen to be reading the book "Sexual Anorexia: Overcoming Sexual Self-Hatred" by Patrick Carnes, PhD. If you haven't already read it, I highly recommend it. This is a common disorder, but very few therapists are able to treat it. You should look for a therapist who specializes in sexual matters. This disorder makes him unable to combine sex and intimacy. He also believes he is unworthy and unloveable, that he can't depend on others, that he will have to take care of himself, that relationships make him vulnerable to abuse and exploitation, that sex is terrifying, and that it must be controlled and repressed. This is why he is comfortable masturbating and shows an interest in having sex with women who are emotionally unavailable. You can likely have a very nice "friendly" marriage, without sex, like a brother and sister type relationship with him. But unless he gets help, it is doubtful he will ever feel comfortable having sex with you.