So torn...

[detroitrockcity]

Okay, so here goes:

I have been dating my boyfriend for a little over three years (but it feels like eternity). It was practically love at first sight and I had never felt a connection with anybody like this before. We have everything in common and want the same things. He is crazy about me, told me he feels like we're soul mates, and told me he could see himself marrying me and having kids together, etc. He is everything I can ask for. He is perfect for me and I could see myself being with him too. I feel the same way about him.

I love him (or so I think).

But then guy #2 was hired at my job about a month later. He was technically my boss until our division got consolidated and he became my equal at work. Before this happened, we worked every day together 6 days a week. He's a very good looking guy with a heart of gold. But he mentioned that at the beginning of August he is going to move across the country to go to school for two years. I thought nothing of it and was looking forward to being friends with him. Then we kissed at work after a lengthy discussion of cheating on partners (I have cheated in the past on one bf but have sworn it off). He had kind of asked me out the week before but then I mentioned I was doing something with the bf.

I thought it was just going to be an innocent affair since I didn't think he was really into me more than just a lay since he was leaving. Boy, was I wrong. We slept together after a couple of weeks and I enjoy absolutely every minute I spend with him. We have a ton in common, have the same fears and thinking pattern, and just seem to get each other (this goes the same with me and my bf too). I have fallen pretty damn hard for this guy and the closer it got to him leaving town the more time we've been spending together and bonded. He told me he was considering staying home and not going back to school (we're both out of college and going back to earn second degrees) and asked if I'd considered moving with him. While we both agreed that any drastic decision like that would not be smart or right, he tells me he'll never ever forget about me (I have a massive fear of abandonment) and that if it was meant to be then things would work out. My anxiety has been incredibly high because of this and I've been a wreck emotionally. I don't think I'm in love with him yet but I know that I would be if we had more time together but I am super crazy about him.

We both have a huge fear of commitment as well, so I've been questioning my relationship with my bf this past week because of it. I want to try to work things out with the bf after my "lover" leaves, but I'm not sure if it's even going to be worth it knowing that my lover will always be in the back of my mind. He told me to not wait around for him, but I want to. I am so scared about losing both of them because I know I would be happy with either of them.

I hope this hasn't been confusing but it's such a complicated situation emotionally for me. I just honestly want to know whether I should stay with the bf, wait for the lover, or what. I hate LDRs but I almost feel like it would be worth it. What should I do?? I feel terrible and just want to make the right decision. Should I tell my lover how I honestly feel about him before he leaves or is it pointless? He leaves in four days. Would I be able to fix my current relationship after he leaves?

I'm a very independent person and I feel like my bf doesn't really like it if I don't spend all of my time with him even though he tells me he digs the fact that I enjoy my space.

I'm sorry this is so long and has so many questions for you guys to help me answer but I just haven't been able to figure it out on my own. Any and all outside perspective is greatly appreciated.

[haxan]

So you found another soul mate? Wow.

[Saya]

Don't you feel bad/guilty that you've cheated on your bf?

[surfhb]

The level of idiocy in your post makes me question it's validity but whatever....

The best thing to do is break it off with both these poor guys and work on your deep seeded self esteem issues.....good luck!

[magguu]

leaving aside the morality/psychology issues, I would like to know your age. in case you are less than 25, just go along with the flow ... dont worry too much ... take one thing at a time. if your lover is around for you, ditch your current BF. if he is not going to be around, stick with your BF. this is the pragmatic solution in your case.

in case you are more than 25, you have to take a hard resolute decision - one way or the other . you cannot go with the flow. though i feel ultimately you would be someone third altogether.

[cheekxs]

If you want to sleep around with the whole buil.ding you work in is your choices. But one thing i find more disgusting is when people
waste other peoples time by cheating and stuff.

I think you plan it all and really enjoy it.
Way before doing it you shoulda break up with your bf.
Cause you dont care about him and his feelings and you sounds proud or not ashamed of being a regular cheater.

And both of you having the same fear and stuff doesnt make a good match. cause none can help each other. you both will stay stock in the
same mess.

[detroitrockcity]

Insults aside I appreciate the somewhat genuine advice you guys have put forth.

Do you honestly believe I enjoy this? I don't, and I'm ashamed of course, for what I've been doing. While I feel like I don't deserve either guy I know this is a stretch and a "Poor me" approach to my situation. Because I am such an emotional person and obviously am so overwhelmed by them they have clouded my judgment. I was looking for non-judgmental eyes which, I guess, are not available on this forum.

When I met guy #2 it shook everything that I believed in when it came to relationships. Maybe there is no hope for me, but I came here believing I could be led in the right direction. The direction you guys gave me seems to lead me right to the therapist's couch.

As a tip for you guys, I treat this forum as if I were talking to personal friends asking for their advice. Quit being trolls.

[surfhb]

Insults aside I appreciate the somewhat genuine advice you guys have put forth.

Do you honestly believe I enjoy this? I don't, and I'm ashamed of course, for what I've been doing. While I feel like I don't deserve either guy I know this is a stretch and a "Poor me" approach to my situation. Because I am such an emotional person and obviously am so overwhelmed by them they have clouded my judgment. I was looking for non-judgmental eyes which, I guess, are not available on this forum.

When I met guy #2 it shook everything that I believed in when it came to relationships. Maybe there is no hope for me, but I came here believing I could be led in the right direction. The direction you guys gave me seems to lead me right to the therapist's couch.

As a tip for you guys, I treat this forum as if I were talking to personal friends asking for their advice. Quit being trolls.

Of course we judge...how else would you get any good advice? I guess Idiot would be the wrong word since idiots are too stupid to know they're actions. You lie, cheat and let your emotions control your life. These are not the actions of a normal personality. From a former liar and cheat I advise you to break off both your relationships and work on yourself because you will continue down the same path if you dont. Even you said you have a fear of commitment so I'd think some therapy might do some good? I mean.....based on youre user name, you're a mature women so its time to take some responsibility.

When I met guy #2 it shook everything that I believed in when it came to relationships

Say again? This isnt true because you've cheated in the past. Your post is filled with inconsistencies