He's 10 years older and lives in another state, in serious need of advice.

[Lillypad]

Before I start I want to warn everyone that I'm not so good with explaining things so please feel free to ask questions and I'm sorry this is so long

December 2011 I met a guy on an anonymous chatting site. We talked for at least 12 hours and decided to keep in touch. Well we've been really keeping in touch. We've talked just about everyday since that day besides a few days. He is 29 years old and I just turned 19. He lives about 7 hours from me. Things started out great. I figured we were just friends, but then after a while he didnt seem that way. He would tell me about how much he adores me and we started talking about personal things. It was obvious that we liked each other. We're a lot more than friends. He worries about his age which is why I think he has never said I'm his girlfriend. I can't say he's my boyfriend because he doesn't like titles so I'm not sure what to say we are. He has seen how I look (we talked about 2 months before i showed him pictures) but I've never seen him fully. I've seen his legs (he was sitting at a convention and took a pic. Of his legs). He feels he is too old for me even tho I've assured him many times that he's not. In February 2012 he told me he loved me. I told him that I love him too. weeks later I felt that he regretted telling me that he loved me. I confronted him about it and he said something about how it doesn't feel right to say it without meaning it. I cry sometimes because I can't be with him. I'd like to just hug him. It sucks to nt be able to do things with him. I like him a lot. And we have had arguments before. I sometimes feel like the feeling isnt mutual. He ignores me when he's playing this computer game (he's not a douche), I confronted him about that a few days ago about it and he told me doesn't mean to make me feel neglected and that it's just that he's been really depressed lately (medical issues) and that the computer game is his only way to escape reality. I absolutely understood that so I backed off but then hours later I felt like he felt guilty. He told me I was way more important than the computer game. I left a lot of things out but here's what I need advice on...

I like him a lot and can't live without him. Is this normal to feel this way about someone I've never met in real life? This is my first relationship ever. I dont feel like I'm good enough for anyone. Not even him. I've neer been close to a guy, the thing is.. I don't feel like its a normal relationship.. someone want to help me out here? Is this normal? I have trouble saying relationship because I'm not sure what to say. Just from what I've said, do y'all feel like he cares about me? I feel like he does. I have anxiety attacks at night sometimes and he's always there for me. He is really nice to me. And idk I just feel like he cares a lot about me. The attention he gives me, I've never received from anyone. I'm very insecure and feel very lonely at times and I wonder if I'm only using him for attention since I get so ma when he doesn't talk to me. I don't feel like I'm using him, I feel like I really like him. Maybe even love him. And I also worry about if we shouldnt be in a relationship considering our age difference. We get a lone so well. We talk and laugh at each other. Watch movies together over the interne and play games and stuff like that. No one knows about him. My parents won't approve because of his age and that he lives in another state. They are gonna think he's a pedophile or something. And i promise everyone that he's not. I'm 110% sure. I just know I'm gonna get judged for this and will cause a lot of drama of my family knows about him. Won be able to meet him til abou 4-5 years from now, can someone give me advice on how to get through this? Thanks

I feel like I'm asking for a lot of advice. I just didn't know where to turn. I have no one to tall to about this.

[tufa4311]

Well, I'll try to comment. First, regarding the age difference, I'm going to speak to that last. So, ignoring the age difference for now, the "relationship" you have together is a bit different but who is anyone to say that it's right or wrong. From what you've said the two of you have not even spoken - you have had a 100% online relationship for about 8 months, that is a long time. I think by now you two would have at least spoken to each other. Something you need to do is decide what plans the two of you have. Are you ever going to speak? Are you ever going to meet? I understand you are young and may not be able to travel but how about at least talking on the phone? How much longer can the two of you go only having an online relationship? That said, maybe that's all either of you want. My point is, you need to figure out what you want and what is possible.

Lastly, your age difference. Yes, it is a big difference but you are 19 so you are technically an adult and no one is doing anything wrong.

[surfhb]

I don't get it. You've never met this guy and only seen pics of his legs?? You really need to see a therapist about your insecurities I'd say. There's nothing wrong with getting some third party help.....I know....believe me. You are not in any kind of relationship. It time to grow up here! Either to go meet him and start a relationship or you don't.

[Lillypad]

@surfhb thanks but I can't just leave everything to go meet him. I have to wait until I graduate from college. My parents would never let me go meet him. yes I'm 19, but I still live under their roof. and I'm a big confused, u think my insecurities are stopping me from having a relationship with him? we're in a long distance relationship. That's all we can have right now.

@tufa thanks to you also. We have talked on mumble once but not really back and forth. Only he talked to me and I typed back to him because I live with my parents and 4 other siblings, I didn't want them to hear. I have to keep this a secret. But I understand what you're saying. He does tell me at times that we're gonna meet one day but we never really plan anything. We just know it can't be soon.

[surfhb]

The fact you have fallen for a virtual person online says you may need help. This is not normal and very bizzare behavior for a young girl entering college. Think about it! You never seen this guy! I know you're young but c'mon....get a grip on reality sister. . This guy does not take this seriously.....as a guy I can garentee you that....period !!! Enough said ??

I have hope!! Luckily there are tons of guys who will be asking you out

[Lillypad]

He doesnt take this seriously? What do u mean? You got me thinking now :/ lol
But I don't want anyone else (not to sound like a whiny teenage girl in love haha)
I'm sure he likes me. He is such a nice guy.. I feel lucky that I found him. He could probably get any other girl but he chooses me. He makes me laugh. That's a good thing. if I lose him I won't find anyone else like him. I just want him.

[lizzy-bet]

Speaking from personal experience, men that talk to younger women online for large quantities of time do it because there is something significantly amiss with them socially or emotionally. Younger women are quick to trust and look past many of the flaws that women of marriage age would pass up in a heartbeat. Younger women also don't have the experience to recognize the red flags or even know what they want out of a partner yet, and they are much more prone to blindly believe everything their partner has to say. A HUGE indicator that your online beau is hiding things from you is the guilt - he feels guilty about the age difference because he knows that you are very emotionally invested.

So now it's horror story time!
I used to talk to a guy online that I met him in a chat room when I was 14 and he was 20. We talked almost every day for 4 years, but the key difference here is that I dated other people and had a very full life outside of our online chatting. He also chatted with my friend Geri who really liked him, but did not date and devoted herself to their "relationship." Despite this, I really wanted to meet him and could hardly wait to do so. We talked over the phone on several occasions over the years, I sent him plenty of photos (most of which he was critical of, not mean, but he said I was a 6 or 7 out of 10.) and he sent me a few photos that were not particularly clear. One was of him standing outside of a big house leaning against his car, a few of him in the drivers seat of his car, one of him dressed up in nice slacks and and a shirt, and that was it. He told me all his specs, 5'10, lean and in shape, and he even got on me a few times for not being as toned as he liked.

I'm from California and right after my 18th birthday I went to San Antonio, TX to visit him. I went with my family, and agreed to go on a date with him. At this point I had about a month before I shipped to bootcamp (I had joined the Marines about 8 months earlier and was waiting for my ship date) and I was in fantastic shape and wanted to really "wow" him. Oooh my mother was mad, she did not like my outfit - beautiful low-cut turquoise off the shoulder blouse paired with black Capri pants and 3 inch heels (I definitely wanted to say "I've got a bangin body" without saying "I'm a slut.") He told me what he was going to wear and said he was going to take me out to a nice restaurant. I had the jitters all day and got my nails and hair done. Didn't want to disappoint by not having the whole package!

I went to the lobby at the appointed time and waited. I ran downstairs and swept right by a short, terribly dressed guy that reeked of cigarette smoke. Then the DREAD set in when I realized that was him. I should have kept walking and went right back upstairs, but I doubled back and we both stopped and introduced ourselves. Right away I could tell he was ecstatic, he was not expecting what he got... unfortunately, neither was I, but for the opposite reason. This guy was about 5'8, shaved head, super skinny with a little pot belly, pointy elf ears, and his outfit was HOLY SHIT terrible. He looked like he had been bagging groceries at Albertson's all day but changed into a different shirt. I followed him out to his "dream car" which was a Toyota Celica. I shit you not when
I say this - the car had no seats. I had to sit on the metal frame where a seat should have been, with no seat belt. I was in complete shock and had no idea what to say. We went to dinner at this cheap Mexican restaurant on the River Walk and then walked around a little. He kept repeating over and over how beautiful I was, how lucky he was to be out with me, and how all the guys walking past were jealous of him. It did appear that a couple of guys we passed looked back and made comments. I think they were amused because I was pretty and really dressed up and he looked like a bridge troll. At the end of the date, I was ready to run for the hills but he wanted to buy alcohol and drink together. Against my better judgement I went along with this idea, and drank around 20 oz of some cheap malted beverage. He then pounced on me, and it took everything in me (including screaming) to get him to stop, but luckily he was tiny and weighed about what I did so it wasn't all that difficult for me to escape. I told him goodnight, and headed back to my room.

I told my friend Geri all about our visit, and about the attempted rape and how ugly he was in real life. However, Geri had never been in a relationship and was very sheltered. She didn't listen to me and ended up meeting him anyway. They hooked up and she decided a week later to drop out of her computer science program and move to Texas to be with him. 1 year later she dumped him for not having a job, constantly flirting online with other girls, playing video games all day in their filthy apartment and smoking weed. Later, she told me that was the biggest mistake of her life and that she wishes she had listened to me.

I had a different friend who met a guy she was chatting with online, I think she was around 17 at the time and he was 27. He ended up pseudo stalking her for months and she was terrified to tell her parents, although she finally did. I had another guy I talked to when I was 18 online that used a windows status update to "run into me" at Walmart. I'm sure you'll be super surprised to hear that he was 27 at the time. Those are my personal horror stories, I was quick to never speak to another guy over the internet after all that.

So, if you REALLY want to go through with this, you have to video chat with him. Go to the library, or Starbucks or somewhere that's public. If he doesn't agree to this then stop talking to him. There is about a 99% chance you are wasting your time or about to get into something you will really regret later in life. Please don't be stupid, use your brain and have some self-worth! This guy is probably a tool, and you're setting yourself up for a HUGE disappointment.

[surfhb]

That is a great story! Haha

OP.....He's not serious about you because if he was, he'd call, send pics, Ect

[VincenzoG91]

Before I start I want to warn everyone that I'm not so good with explaining things so please feel free to ask questions and I'm sorry this is so long

December 2011 I met a guy on an anonymous chatting site. We talked for at least 12 hours and decided to keep in touch. Well we've been really keeping in touch. We've talked just about everyday since that day besides a few days. He is 29 years old and I just turned 19. He lives about 7 hours from me. Things started out great. I figured we were just friends, but then after a while he didnt seem that way. He would tell me about how much he adores me and we started talking about personal things. It was obvious that we liked each other. We're a lot more than friends. He worries about his age which is why I think he has never said I'm his girlfriend. I can't say he's my boyfriend because he doesn't like titles so I'm not sure what to say we are. He has seen how I look (we talked about 2 months before i showed him pictures) but I've never seen him fully. I've seen his legs (he was sitting at a convention and took a pic. Of his legs). He feels he is too old for me even tho I've assured him many times that he's not. In February 2012 he told me he loved me. I told him that I love him too. weeks later I felt that he regretted telling me that he loved me. I confronted him about it and he said something about how it doesn't feel right to say it without meaning it. I cry sometimes because I can't be with him. I'd like to just hug him. It sucks to nt be able to do things with him. I like him a lot. And we have had arguments before. I sometimes feel like the feeling isnt mutual. He ignores me when he's playing this computer game (he's not a douche), I confronted him about that a few days ago about it and he told me doesn't mean to make me feel neglected and that it's just that he's been really depressed lately (medical issues) and that the computer game is his only way to escape reality. I absolutely understood that so I backed off but then hours later I felt like he felt guilty. He told me I was way more important than the computer game. I left a lot of things out but here's what I need advice on...

I like him a lot and can't live without him. Is this normal to feel this way about someone I've never met in real life? This is my first relationship ever. I dont feel like I'm good enough for anyone. Not even him. I've neer been close to a guy, the thing is.. I don't feel like its a normal relationship.. someone want to help me out here? Is this normal? I have trouble saying relationship because I'm not sure what to say. Just from what I've said, do y'all feel like he cares about me? I feel like he does. I have anxiety attacks at night sometimes and he's always there for me. He is really nice to me. And idk I just feel like he cares a lot about me. The attention he gives me, I've never received from anyone. I'm very insecure and feel very lonely at times and I wonder if I'm only using him for attention since I get so ma when he doesn't talk to me. I don't feel like I'm using him, I feel like I really like him. Maybe even love him. And I also worry about if we shouldnt be in a relationship considering our age difference. We get a lone so well. We talk and laugh at each other. Watch movies together over the interne and play games and stuff like that. No one knows about him. My parents won't approve because of his age and that he lives in another state. They are gonna think he's a pedophile or something. And i promise everyone that he's not. I'm 110% sure. I just know I'm gonna get judged for this and will cause a lot of drama of my family knows about him. Won be able to meet him til abou 4-5 years from now, can someone give me advice on how to get through this? Thanks

I feel like I'm asking for a lot of advice. I just didn't know where to turn. I have no one to tall to about this.

What do you mean you can't live without him? You live without him every day. You've never even met him. Get a grip on yourself, because your thoughts have spun out of control. Deep down, you know this situation is messed up, or you wouldn't be posting here for advice. For all you know, this guy is living with his girlfriend, or maybe even married with kids. Forget him. Anyway, you said that you can't even meet him for four years, and that is an unfair amount of time for anybody to wait for basic human affection. He is going to meet somebody else long before those four years have gone by. You probably will, too.

You're 19 years old. You shouldn't be obsessing over some faceless stranger on the internet, you should be outside, living your life. Step away from the computer and go get some fresh air. Meet real people who live in your area. And don't waste time with internet strangers, they aren't a part of your life unless there is something seriously wrong with your life.

[cheekxs]

You are a tipical naive stupid girl.

Bad me love to be on the internet and dating sites,and chat. cause there is where they find you guys.

Hoping someone will flirt or tell them they love them.
Quick to believe anything.
Able to do anything when they got them in there hands.


KId, you need to stop sitting on the internet doing crap. start hanging out with real people and of your age.
Chat is fake and a lot of creepy people sit there and look for naive people like you.

You dont know him, he send you feet pictures instead of his face. that already tells you he have bad intentions with your naive ass.

Chat is a illusion people create . You need some reality check.
And im shore you need to tell your parents so they can shake you up. Cause you know you are doing something stupid.

You dont know what love is. and believe any thing someone you barely know tell s you.

stop ! do something useful with your life.
before it end bad with you and this guy.
and you are so stupid and naive that you defended him for not being a pedophile cause you chat with him.
He can be a serial killer, a rapist , all of that !
YOU DONT KNOW HIM!. People can lie everything they want on the chat .

and he shore have very bad intentions with you. stop this bullshit or suffer the consequences!

[cheekxs]

Bad me love to be on the internet and dating sites,and chat. cause there is where they find you guys.

Bad PEOPLE love to be on the internet and dating sites,and chat. cause there is where they find you guys.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

People are getting dumber and dumber everyday.

Out of curiosity, what states do you live in?

[lizzy-bet]

People are getting dumber and dumber everyday.

Out of curiosity, what state do you live in?

I wasn't going to go there, but I was thinking the same thing. She has to live in bum-**** middle of nowhere. 7 hours is long distance? My husband and I lived further than that for 2 1/2 years while I was in school. The naivety here is excruciatingly painful...

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Seven hours is definitely long distance, but this whole situation is just dumb. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb.

[lizzy-bet]

7 hours is a long distance to maintain a relationship I guess, but it is not a long distance to meet someone. I go to LA once every other month, it's 6 1/2 - 8 hr drive depending on traffic. I book a hotel through living social for like 40 bucks, hop in the car, and off I go. You can also meet halfway, then each person only has to travel 3 1/2 hours. Or, you get a Greyhound bus ticket for 50 bucks. If you REALLY want to be with someone, the logistics here are not that difficult, definitely not what the OP is making them out to be.

However, I re-read the original post. I am interested to know what kind of medical issues this guy has, because I'm pretty sure that is why she hasn't gotten a picture. Maybe he can't travel and that is his excuse. If that's the case, time to video chat and figure it out.

.... and was that dumb,dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb a South Park reference?