Another weird situation..

[lovemuffin]

I ran into a guy I knew from a few years ago. He was with a girlfriend and a 6-month old baby. We talked quite a bit and he asked for my email address for a potential musical project. He is also 10+ years younger than me.

About a week later he asked to get together to jam. We did and it went really well. We continued to get together a few times a week to rehearse. One night he said "I have to be honest.. I'm really attracted to you." I was very caught off guard and said "What do you mean?" He said "I'll show you" and proceeded to turn my face toward his to kiss him. I jumped up and reminded him he has a girlfriend and a baby. He explained things are not going well between them and sex has been lacking and he would like a no-strings things with me. He also mentioned their apartment lease is up in a few months and he is hoping to go separate ways from her. I confessed to him I was attracted to him also but I wont get involved with someone already in a relationship. The next morning he sent me a good morning text and a pic of him shirtless.

The next day he called me and told me he had had a fight with the gf (she found a dating profile of his) and he moved his stuff out and was back at his parents. He said he needed to fix himself and "so you and I can move forward".... but also in almost the same sentence said something to the effect of maybe someday move back in with his gf. He went on to explain he doesnt want to be with her except to help her out financially and emotionally as he caused her a lot of damage over the years as he was an alcoholic up until a year ago.

A couple nights later after recording the beginnings of a demo CD he asked if I would perform with him at a local open mic. I said I wasnt really up for it but would go but not necessarily perform. On the way up he said something about how he hadn't kissed me tonight yet. When we got the club he made a comment about a girl's appearance closer to his age but also noted a woman even older than me he said he thought was cute and after returning from the ladies room later saw him talking to her. I had had one powerful drink (that he had ordered for me) and started to feel really jealous and went outside. He texted me after a while. I told him I was in the car and to text me when he wanted to leave. He said he was ready. He asked me what was wrong on the ride home but I told him I didnt want to talk about it. He mentioned the older woman he had been talking to asked him for his number to get together and jam sometime. That upset me too as I felt he might ditch our musical project to be with her... let alone might be interested in her.

The next day I told him I had been upset because I had had a bad experience with a guy at the club we had gone to (which was the scubag in my other post) and I hadnt even really wanted to go there but thought maybe I could handle it. He said “Oh that makes sense. We never have to go there again then!” I also said I wanted to talk about he and I. He said “Yeah I'm thinking we should just do music and put the physical stuff on hold”. I found myself feeling upset at this. He said “Unless you feel things are too ruined now?” I said “Yeah maybe”. He said “OK.. well no hard feelings or anything”. He seemed completely chill and it somehow pissed me off. I started collecting my stuff and started to leave. He asked several times if I wanted to hear the recording from the night before but I firmly said no and left.

A few hours later I called him and told him I had gathered my thoughts and wanted to get it off my chest. I said I felt he had opened the door and then opened it even more when he moved out of the gf's place but then slammed it shut. He said "I was just trying to do the mature and wise thing.. but if you want me to jump your bones I have no problem with that!” and told me he would be going to an open mic that night and invited me to join him. I didnt end up going as I was just feeling kind of weird about the whole thing and tired but I texted him later and asked if he was still there. He said he had just left and asked where I was. I told him I was at the other club I frequent. No response. I called him a little while later and he was abrupt and said the gf was coming to the house any minute to pick up the baby and he would talk to me after the weekend.

He hadnt contacted me still by Tues afternoon (whereas before we were in touch almost every other day). I texted and called him Tues a few times... no response. He finally responded to the 3rd text later at night and said he was recording. I asked if he could take 5 minutes to talk. He texted “Id rather not... I'd rather not even be writing this text”. I was kind of shocked. I texted back “Is it something I said/did?” No response. I called him and he called back a few minutes later. He sounded weird. I asked if he didnt want to talk to me anymore. He said “Well I got that impression from you after you took all your stuff and left the other day” I said “We talked the day after though, remember? You invited me to an open mic even” “Oh yeah” he said. He added after a bit he still thought we should go separate ways as everything got weird and he seemed extremely anxious to get off the phone.

I drove to his house a ½ hour later. I knocked and he left me in. I said “This feels weird” He said “Yeaaah” and kind of rolled his eyes. I said “Yeah I know.. you can hate me for coming over like this... I just dont like how this has ended” and also told him I also wanted a certain music book back. He acted like I was a total freak and like he didnt even know me and he was in the middle of watching a movie with his sister and it was bad timing and we could talk tomorrow or something. I told him I thought he was just by himself and apologized and left.

He actually seemed kind of angry and totally dismissive of me. I sent him an email a few days later asking again why he terminated the relationship. No response. I dont get it. Is it because I blew him off after he said he would have sex with me?

[Cerby]

He wanted an NSA sexual relationship. Before that even happened you were going all crazy girlfriend on him and getting randomly jealous. You assumed you had something when nothing was there, and started to get weird. He sensed that you weren't what he was originally looking for (someone to have sex with from time to time), and now isn't interested.

Why are you chasing this guy anyway? Looks like it isn't going anywhere to me.

[lovemuffin]

I never told him I was jealous but maybe he picked up on it anyway.

I'm not chasing him anymore.

[lovemuffin]

You dont think he was upset I blew him off the night we had reconciled? He was very pissy when I called him later. I think he might have thought I was playing games with him but I was really exhausted. I also didnt say I was sorry I didnt make it or anything because he said he couldnt be on the phone long.