My girlfriend wants children but says she will chose me

[Wakeup]

He is only 19, I don't think that is a realistic option for him yet. Give him 10 years and I bet he does.

But Why? He doesn't want children ~ or so he says.

[Cerby]

Not many 19 year olds have the finances to go ahead with a procedure like this, plus it has a level of permanence that is hard to accept.

I'm 28, know without question I do not want children, but I haven't gotten a vasectome. Partially because of the finances, but mostly because I don't want a doctor to mal-practice my balls. Simple procedure or not or not, that bag isn't getting opened.

[Maple1714]

Not many 19 year olds have the finances to go ahead with a procedure like this, plus it has a level of permanence that is hard to accept.

I'm 28, know without question I do not want children, but I haven't gotten a vasectome. Partially because of the finances, but mostly because I don't want a doctor to mal-practice my balls. Simple procedure or not or not, that bag isn't getting opened.

My sisters husband had a vasectomy when he was 32...then he had it reversed about 4 years ago and went to India to do it b/c that is where he is from and is cheaper there...anyway you can have it reversed. His junk was swollen for about a month though!! He was in a lot of pain. They just had their 2nd child a week ago He is 46 now....

People change...

[smackie9]

I am 19 and my girlfriend is 20. We have been together for over 2 years and I love her very much. We have an amazing relationship. No other girlfriend I've ever had compares to her and she says she feels the same way about me. But something has been bothering me for the past year.

For many many many reasons I do not wish to go into, I desperately want a life without children. I feel I could not live out a happy existence if i became a father. My girlfriend is the complete opposite though as she wants children very much. But she says that if she has to, she will chose me over having children. I have always made it clear to her that I never want children.

Though I appreciate advice from people of all ages, I am particularly interested in those with significantly more 'life experience' than myself, for obvious reasons. My question is, realistically speaking, is there a chance that this relationship could work?

Thank you for taking the time to read.

This is not fair to her, nor you to keeps seeing each other....Vashti is right this is a deal breaker for the both of you.

I was like you, I wanted a childless life too, so I recommend that when you start a relationship, you have to stipulate this before you take it any further. It's a tough road to take because the majority want to get married and start a family eventually. I got lucky and found a guy that felt the same way as me, but since you are a guy, you are going to find it more difficult to find the right lady.

[smackie9]

Not many 19 year olds have the finances to go ahead with a procedure like this, plus it has a level of permanence that is hard to accept.

I'm 28, know without question I do not want children, but I haven't gotten a vasectome. Partially because of the finances, but mostly because I don't want a doctor to mal-practice my balls. Simple procedure or not or not, that bag isn't getting opened.

They use laser now so it's a quicker healing time, I work with 10 men that had it done and they had no problems. I thought this type of surgery is covered by medical. Medical covered me when I got fixed. Is it different for men?

[vashti]

My sisters husband had a vasectomy when he was 32...then he had it reversed about 4 years ago and went to India to do it b/c that is where he is from and is cheaper there...anyway you can have it reversed. His junk was swollen for about a month though!! He was in a lot of pain. They just had their 2nd child a week ago He is 46 now....

People change...

Vasectomy reversals are only successful about 50% of the time, with success rates declining over time. Vasectomy should be considered a permanent form of birth control.

As for vasectomies for birth control purposes - they are definitely the way to go if you are sure you don't want kids, and if you are old enough to make the decision. It's a minor surgery.

[mackyi]

Actually, a friend of mine was in a similar predicament a few years ago. The only difference was that he was a about 25 Y.O. and his girlfriend was 23. Both of them were adamant about having kids. But guess what, these are the two persons who ended up having two lovely kids together. When I was at your age ---19, I just wanted to enjoy that stage of my life. In fact, I didn't think I was ready for fatherhood, so I can understand how you feel! At this age you both should be thinking seriously about establishing a strong foundation for the future. I strongly recommend that you both try to get a good education in preparation for a decent career right now, and then think about kids later. Try to sit her down and have a serious conversation with her. If she cannot see your point, then I guess you just have to call it quit! Please don't let her ruin your goals and you shouldn't try to stand in her way either!

[IndiReloaded]

I doubt a medico would give a vasectomy to someone so young w/o a very good medical reason to do so, such as being a carrier of an autosomal dominant disease (e.g. Parkinsons).

[HeartIsAching]

I doubt a medico would give a vasectomy to someone so young w/o a very good medical reason to do so, such as being a carrier of an autosomal dominant disease (e.g. Parkinsons).

This is true. My ex had great trouble getting a surgeon to do a tubal ligation on her because she was "only" 28. She knew for a fact that she did not want children, and still *I* had fill out and sign a lengthy form effectively giving her permission to do it. It irked both of us that it was required.

To the OP:

Vashti is right - this is a deal-breaker. If you two stay together, one of you will eventually end up resenting the other. Either she'll resent the lack of children, or you'll resent that you had children... either way it's going to eventually poison the relationship.

On the other hand, also as Vashti pointed out, there's no rush. Stick around a while, see what happens.

[Maple1714]

Vasectomy reversals are only successful about 50% of the time, with success rates declining over time. Vasectomy should be considered a permanent form of birth control.

As for vasectomies for birth control purposes - they are definitely the way to go if you are sure you don't want kids, and if you are old enough to make the decision. It's a minor surgery.

Well, he had a 75% reversal success rate...so the doc's said. It worked, but of course when he had the vasectomy done originally he viewed it as permanent. He hadn't met my sister yet. My point is...people change. The no kids thing was a deal breaker for my sis and her husband...so he changed for her.

[Wakeup]

Not many 19 year olds have the finances to go ahead with a procedure like this, plus it has a level of permanence that is hard to accept.

I'm 28, know without question I do not want children, but I haven't gotten a vasectome. Partially because of the finances, but mostly because I don't want a doctor to mal-practice my balls. Simple procedure or not or not, that bag isn't getting opened.

I'm not sure about this but isn't the procedure covered by our health care (OHIP in Ontario)? I know it was covered 20 years ago when the hubby got one. He didn't have any pain past the day of the surgery and the doctor doesn't touch your "bag" per se ~ iThe incision is more at the top of your sac in the middle. They tie off the "vas differens." He (hubby) shoots the same as he always did before the procedure so no worries there either.

Even if a doctor won't do the procedure when op is only 19. I'd like to hear his answer: Op, if you are that adamant about not having children, then why not get sterilized so that you're not accidently getting someone preggers and having kids that you don't want to be responsible for? Why not, particularilly when it does not affect the way you ejaculate (only what you ejaculate) and it's a simple procedure that causes little to no pain if you follow post sugery instructions?

[Frankiesayrelax]

I'm not sure about this but isn't the procedure covered by our health care (OHIP in Ontario)? I know it was covered 20 years ago when the hubby got one. He didn't have any pain past the day of the surgery and the doctor doesn't touch your "bag" per se ~ iThe incision is more at the top of your sac in the middle. They tie off the "vas differens." He (hubby) shoots the same as he always did before the procedure so no worries there either.

Even if a doctor won't do the procedure when op is only 19. I'd like to hear his answer: Op, if you are that adamant about not having children, then why not get sterilized so that you're not accidently getting someone preggers and having kids that you don't want to be responsible for? Why not, particularilly when it does not affect the way you ejaculate (only what you ejaculate) and it's a simple procedure that causes little to no pain if you follow post sugery instructions?

Well. Number one, because so many people who are adamant they don't want kids at my age have a change of heart in the future, and if I do break up with my girlfriend and change my mind later on, then I will have lost her for no reason. Number two, there are no doctors in the UK (where I live) that would do that procedure on someone my age, even if i wanted it. There is also the chance of complications with the surgery.

[JB9]

Well. Number one, because so many people who are adamant they don't want kids at my age have a change of heart in the future, and if I do break up with my girlfriend and change my mind later on, then I will have lost her for no reason. Number two, there are no doctors in the UK (where I live) that would do that procedure on someone my age, even if i wanted it. There is also the chance of complications with the surgery.

Are you saying that you are not absolutely 100% beyond a shadow of a doubt sure that you do not want children ever? Which is highly possible due to your age and or reasons you do not wish to mention. If this is the case, the both of you should be proactive it using birth control now and see where the relationship goes. Just don't string her along for another 5 yrs if your decision does not change, that would be beyond cruel.

[smackie9]

This is true. My ex had great trouble getting a surgeon to do a tubal ligation on her because she was "only" 28. She knew for a fact that she did not want children, and still *I* had fill out and sign a lengthy form effectively giving her permission to do it. It irked both of us that it was required.

.

I wanted one when I was in my 20's and I was refused, went again when I was 30, 35 and I was refused again, the old "oh you might change your mind".......I had to wait til my 40's and even then I was asked "are you sure?" like wtf. I was pissed. The surgeon that did my surgery told me, "You are an adult, You can make your own decision, you shouldn't have been refused" grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr f uckin doctors!!

[smackie9]

With all these posts it looks like he has a lot to gnaw on for awhile.