LDR Boyfriend of over 1 year broke up with me a month ago....

[neeedtoknow]

I need some advice. I've been dating my high school boyfriend for over a year and we started college last year wanting to continue our relationship. Things were going well until he told me last November that he was thinking about breaking up with me because the distance was a big problem for him. He put some thought into it and in December he ultimately decided to stay with me longer. Then in late February/early March of this year, he said he wanted to break up again. He said he'd either do it at the end of the semester in May or at the end of summer. I wanted to be with him during the summer and so we stayed together until early August. I thought he would change his mind seeing all the fun we had and notice how much he'll miss me. He dumped me on August 5th after saying the week before that he had thought about staying with me because of how he feels about me (loves me, cares about me etc). But ultimately he broke up with me.

Additionally, his main reason was the distance but also that he wanted to be single and wanted someone more like him and someone closer. Yet he said he likes everything about me and wanted to be with me. I did everything I could to help make the distance more bareable--weekly Skypes, phone calls nightly at one point, daily texting throughout the day. I went to visit him at his school first semester, then last semester he visited me when his friend drove to my school. I pointed out the option we now have of taking the bus to see each other monthly, but he says that isn't enough for him. He wanted to see me multiple times a week, not just once a month. And he is busy this semester with activities he does on the weekend on top of his studies so he says we won't get to spend the kind of time together that he wants.

I want for me to be worth it for him to see me when he can, even if it isn't very often. We saw each other weekly during the summer but his plans to study abroad these next few years are another factor in distance---which he says will always be a problem.

I am still heart broken. After one month of no-contact, I initiated a Facebook convo (unblocked him). We've had casual conversation except for me mentioning that I miss him (he said "I miss you too"). The only time I remotely brought up the break up was to ask how single life is treating him so far (he said "idk haven't really though about it"). I feel better talking to him but I had previously vowed (even said to him before we broke up) that I would never talk to him again and we'll never see each other again. He had brought up being friends eventually then because of how close we were (we both were each other's best friends) but I only want him as boyfriend and if I can't have him romantically then it is unfair to settle for friendship.

What can I do for us to have a chance together again? He is my first boyfriend but we were deeply committed and seriously in love and I believe we can still be together.

Should I make him miss me by cutting off contact again? But it will be hard for me to do....and will it even work?

Please help

Thanks

[OriginalWogBoy]

Ahh the old LDR... I was in a similar position as yourself a year ago, however we were long distance for 2 years after living together for 2 years. I was the one who broke it off with her, much like your boyfriend did to you and mostly for the same reasons. She was and always will be the love of my life, but we both needed to grow as people and it was unfair being away from each other so often.

Right now there is nothing you can do to change his mind, I am sure he still loves and misses you a lot but it just won't work for you guys at this point of your lives. I think remaining friends is always a good thing, you don't want to lose them altogether, especially if they were a big part of your life in the beginning. Try to focus on yourself and remain positive if things were ever meant to work with him then they will in the future!

[smackie9]

You can't do anything I'm afraid. The reality is that he has made up him mind. I have a feeling it's not just distance, but he wants a change. It's not surprising because you both have grown up, entering the adult world, and as individuals have changed as well. Your priorities change, goals, wants and needs.....it's just the cycle of life. Accepting change and moving on is a good thing. It may not seem like it right now, but later down the road when your emotional attachment dissolves, you will see what I mean.

[neeedtoknow]

And the problem is I haven't changed at all! But I guess he has so....

What about the whole, "if he comes around in a few months you shouldn't take him back" deal. My mom and grandmother along with a few of my friends have told me this but I don't know if I would want to do that--not get back with him.

[smackie9]

He has tried to end it several times, tried to make it work again and again....he gave it many chances already......I think he is convinced now that it's time to move on.

[neeedtoknow]

So smackie9, do you think I should just break contact with him again? For good?

[smackie9]

You said it yourself, "If I can't have him romantically then it is unfair to settle for friendship". Time to cut the cord if he won't give you what you want.

Relationships will come and go in your life. It teaches us valuable lessons, how to make better choices, how to compromise, trust, respect, etc, it prepares us for marriage. The more experience you have the more successful your marriage will be.