I've been friendzoned...

[boom43]

I'm probably the only chick I know who actually knows what the friendzone feels like.

My whole life I've been one of the guys - I grew up with all brothers, got tormented by my girl classmates in grade school which led to me having pretty much no interest in being around girls all through highschool and my early 20s. I now have a few girl friends, but they are mostly similar to me in the ways mentioned above.

So, in general.. still to this day, all my friends are guys. I talk like a guy, act like a guy and, to be honest, feel more like a guy than a girl... I have much more in common with dudes.

I'm a pretty good looking girl - I get asked out often by guys who don't know me. But guys who do know me always seem to consider me one of the guys and can't see me as something else. I love being one of the guys and I wouldn't have it any other way. The only problem is that, sometimes, I actually like one of my guy friends.... and find myself in the friendzone.

I've liked my best friend since the day I met him - in fact, since the moment I saw him across the room on the snowboarding trip we met on. I ended up boning a different dude on that trip and the next night set now-best-friend up with my other chick friend. They dated for a while and the two of us became really good friends while they were dating. She went off the deep end and f*d it all up and, unfortunately, placed me in a position to choose one over the other... I chose to stay friends with him - not because I liked him, I'd gotten over it by that point - but because he was way freaking cooler.

Since then we have become best friends. We do everything together. Just as my feelings for him were beginning to resurface, my (now ex-)roommate, who I might mention is a crazy b with daddy issues, started flirting with him like crazy after I told her how I felt about it.. and, her being a good looking girl, he started to like her. .They started dating. He has now seen her for what she is and broke up with her.

While they were dating, things got weird between us, but since he began thinking about breaking up with her he has started to be more normal around me again. Now they are broken up and everything is completely normal between us but I am again finding those feelings coming back. Every time we are together - and it's always been this way - we seem perfect together and he seems so natural with me... seems like he likes me. But I was wrong before about thinking he likes me.

Do I talk to him about it? Or do I just assume we're only friends and that's all we're ever going to be? I love him, but I'm not willing to risk our friendship, which is one of the best things in my life, because I want something more.

[searock]

Talk to him about it :-).

[InYourFACE]

If he is single for a while why not? just tell him that you feel more then a friend for him.

Dont wait till he date someone else for you to start tripping or acct weird toward him.

[InYourFACE]

And i dont know you, but if you say you are acting like a dude,

guys like girls. they love to see that in a girl.
and not a dude. they want to be the dude..

so i think its good for you to find back the female in you and be it. it will have a better influence on your love life.
2 i think

and in this case you can score some extra points toward this dude 2. and make him so crazy about you when he see
you in a dress and nice open hair.
Cause while you act like a dude toward him, he may think you are a buddy, so he cant be like in love with you.(while he maybe feels the same for you).

[sadie_genie]

Try letting him see you in a different light. Dress more feminine (wear a dress) and ask him to go out with you for dinner (He might assume its just hanging out at first) but then choose a restaurant where there is a romantic atmosphere and it is just the two of you. Stop swearing like a dude and act more feminine. He already thinks you are a cool chick so all you have to do is let him realize you are sexually attractive. You don't have to be slutty, just be more feminine. Compliment him (e.g casually mention he is cute).

[boom43]

...so essentially, every one of you is saying "don't be yourself".

I wear chick clothes.. I have long silky hair... I LOOK like a chick.... I used to be a tomboy, but I've become more feminine in my 20s.

I can change how I dress, but I can't change who I am. For one thing... I honest to goodness don't even know how to act girly. When I try to be all bubbly and flirty and teeheehee-y I feel like a complete douche. I'm not comfortable acting feminine because it is just so not me.

[Wakeup]

When I try to be all bubbly and flirty and teeheehee-y I feel like a complete douche

you probably feel like a douche because that's not how MOST women act ALL the time. I'm sure you act flirty and teehee when you're around the guy you're crushing on though. If you aren't, then start. You have to give the signals if you're too intimidated to use your words. Actually, I think the signals will get him thinking or, at the very least, reacting to your feminine wiles.

If you don't want to be just a friend then stop acting like just a friend. You can practice not being just a friend in jeans or a dress.. sport something you're confident, sexy and comfortable in... you can manage that in a blouse and a pair of nice slacks that show off your awesome ass.

...so essentially, every one of you is saying "don't be yourself".

It's important to find someone who loves you for who you are. Anything else and you're just being a poser.

[boom43]

" I'm sure you act flirty and teehee when you're around the guy you're crushing on though. " ... no, I don't. That's the problem - I can't.. I feel like a tool. My form of flirting is touching a guy more than I would if I wasn't interested and giving the eyes/sly smile... problem with this situation, though, is that he's my best friend - he'll wonder wtf is with me if suddenly I'm flirty mcflirtflirt. I'd honestly rather just talk to him about it than bother with the flirting BS. I am just really worried that I won't get the answer I want and things will get weird again

[Wakeup]

My form of flirting is touching a guy more than I would

That IS a form of flirting so is giving him the eyes
... and ... sorry but I don't believe you never laugh at his jokes.

I'd honestly rather just talk to him about it than bother with the flirting BS.

Then talk to him. If you don't get the answer you want then just tell him "don't let this make things weird between us, I'm glad I know so that I can move on and find someone who does want more than just friendship." You come across as confident and straight forward in your postings so actually be that way and go ahead with what you'd rather do.

[searock]

I've been in your situation, I had a crush for my male best friend, and I also couldn't be bothered with flirting to get the message across - just tell him. For the record, we're now in a long term relationship.

[boom43]

Yes - I do always laugh at his jokes, Wakeup... and he always laughs at mine. But it's not flirting, it's because we geniunely find each other ****ing hilarious!

Anyways - new addition to the story... we went to a punk show last night and had an awesome time. Went to a bar for a few drinks both before and after and the whole time I thought he was flirting with me - kept leaning in really close every time he talked to me, kept brushing up on me, etc... totally confused me but I started to think maybe there was a reason I was the first person he asked to take his extra ticket (well that and he knows they are my fav band and we both love to mosh our hearts out)

.. but then when we went back to his place to party with his roommates (one of which is my other best friend) and a few other people the ex-roommate/ex-girlfriend was there... and apparently they are still sleeping together.

Now I am just freaking confused.

[boom43]

Agghh it really pisses me off because I can't believe for one second that he doesn't feel the chemistry I do. It's too real and too natural to be one-sided.

[Wakeup]

and apparently they are still sleeping together.

Then he's got baggage.

Searock can relate to you on this better than anyone I'd think. Hopefully she'll give you her usual insightful thoughts. Just keep in mind that he may very well be feeling some chemistry with you but he's still very much involved with an ex. I'd not go near anyone who hasn't wrapped up a relationship. To much confusion and drama for my liking.

Why did they break up?

[boom43]

Not sure exactly why ... I haven't asked him, since I don't think it's my place to be talking to him about her - I promised myself I wouldn't get messed up in their business because I know I have my own selfish motives in any conversation that would ensue.

From what I understand from our mutual best friend, he broke up with her. No details tho. I have my suspicions why, ranging from she expected way too much from him, to he realized she was only with him because I wanted to be, to he was just totally unhappy since he started dating her (everyone noticed it..)

[chrisv24]

Talk to him about it. You can't go on wondering what if...