Can You Figure Out this Conversation?

[In Memoriam]

We met about 2-3 weeks ago, had sex of a casual nature right off the bat.

Since then, we've continued to do this. Our encounters typically consist of him talking about various aspects of his life, and me listening (I do not like to speak often), and having sex.

At first, I thought he was cool but had no feelings for him. Now, he's grown on me gradually, but very quickly. I cannot explain why because I don't understand why myself, but as I thought more and more about it, I came to realize that my strong feelings of affection for him as a person (not just as a penis) could be described as a developing love.

Since I believe in honest communication once I know someone, I told him this, and asked if he would be my boyfriend. It went something like this:

Me: "Hey."

Him: "Yeah?"

Me: "Do you want to be my boyfriend?"

[Insert Awkward Silence Here]

Him: "Umm...I don't know..."

[Awkward Silence Continues]

Then I changed the subject to something else to get him talking about something else. I guessed he was thinking about it so I gave him some time. Toward the end of the night, he still hadn't answered the question, though. So we continue with the script hours later:

Me: "So, um, how do you feel about the boyfriend thing?"

Him: "Umm...I don't know...(mumbles stuff about how he just got divorced and that's kinda exclusive)..."

Me: "Oh. Well, I think you should know that I love you." (In hindsight, probably should not have told him so).

Him: "Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! That's a heavy word! Um, I don't want to hurt your feelings or anything, but you just met me. I think you're just confused..."

Me: "Okay. Just forget I ever said anything."

A few minutes after that conversation, sex occurs. Probably the best sex we've had so far, IMO.

Sometime after that:

Him: "I'll tell you what. When I get a free weekend, we'll go somewhere together. Just me and you."

Me: "Okay."

And the night continues as normal. Everything continued as normal after that. This happened a few days ago.

Maybe I screwed up telling him that. But I'm more confused now than I was before...what is your take on this conversation?

Really, I don't get what the issue is. He despises his ex-wife and talks about how much he hates her all the time, so I'm guessing he's not still in love with her. He told me he hadn't been with a girl in some 7 or 8 months before me, so it seems like the chances he's involved with a bunch of other people is a bit unlikely (but I could be wrong?). Like I said, I don't understand anything about that conversation. I think I was pretty clear, but he was as unclear as he could possibly be. I still don't have a vague idea of where he stands.

[Wakeup]

Have you trouble mentally or is it just that your heart has a direct link to your veejayjay? Read up on oxytocin and how it's released during sexual activities (particularily during orgasm) I think you've totally confused the action word "love" with the feeling word "lust"

You don't even really know if he's even divorced for goodness sakes. Wake the fk up.

As for where you stand with this guy. So far all you've done is lay down with him so it's hard to tell. Love is an action word, a verb. Where are the loving actions from him or from you that deem this love? Sex is not love... particularily when that's all your reslationship consists of.

He despises his ex-wife and talks about how much he hates her all the time, so I'm guessing he's not still in love with her.

Here's a life lesson for you to not forget: When a potential partner keeps talking about their partner (past or present) it means they usually still do love them or that they're carrying around a lot of baggage still which is never good either.

You don't even know is last name yet, I bet. Have you ever been to his home?

[In Memoriam]

Have you trouble mentally or is it just that your vagina has a direct link to your veejayjay? Read up on oxytocin and how it's released during sexual activities (particularily during orgasm) I think you've totally confused the action word "love" with the feeling word "lust"

You don't even really know if he's even divorced for goodness sakes. Wake the fk up.

An inaccurate assessment, to say the least. Perhaps I was not clear in my post that there is a significant amount of verbal communication received from him. You also seem to be unaware that the word "love" can mean different things to different individuals.

From Merriam-Webster: a (1): strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties <maternal love for a child> (2): attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers (3): affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests <love for his old schoolmates>

See all those different interpretations of the word? Some entire relationships consist of just communicating and having sex. I don't see anything wrong with that.

As for where you stand with this guy. So far all you've done is lay down with him so it's hard to tell. Love is an action word, a verb. Where are the loving actions from him or from you that deem this love? Sex is not love... particularily when that's all your reslationship has/is/does consist of.

Again, an inaccurate assessment. You seem to be focusing very heavily on the sexual activity. My feelings arise more from talking to him. I wonder what your definition of "loving actions" is. That sounds extremely subjective.

[In Memoriam]

Here's a life lesson for you to not forget: When a potential partner keeps talking about their partner (past or present) it means they usually still do love them or that they're carrying around a lot of baggage still which is never good either.

You don't even know is last name yet, I bet. Have you ever been to his home?

As for his talking about his ex-wife, I really doubt that he still has positive feelings for her. She was very abusive. Anytime he talks about her, there's usually a lot of cursing involved (b itch, c unt, w hore, etc.).

And yes, I have been to his home. And yes, I also know his last name...in fact, I probably know the names of most of his family members as well.

[Wakeup]

An inaccurate assessment, to say the least. Perhaps I was not clear in my post that there is a significant amount of verbal communication received from him. You also seem to be unaware that the word "love" can mean different things to different individuals.

Yes well it means the same thing to you and me since you want him to be your boyfriend ~ I certainly understand in which meaning your are longing for.

From Merriam-Webster: a (1): strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties <maternal love for a child> (2): attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers (3): affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests <love for his old schoolmates>

Save it.

See all those different interpretations of the word? Some entire relationships consist of just communicating and having sex. I don't see anything wrong with that.

I don't either but when you're saying you "love" someone who you don't even freaking know, who's last name you do know (or so you say) but have no real knowledge of the man, who is still very much bogged down by another woman and/or her memory and who has not shown you in one little way that it's love, you're delusional and/or BPD.

Again, an inaccurate assessment. You seem to be focusing very heavily on the sexual activity. My feelings arise more from talking to him. I wonder what your definition of "loving actions" is. That sounds extremely subjective.

If you were'nt fking him and just talking to him, do you think you would mistake your conversations for love?

What does your therapist say about your premature love of this man who never answered your question but just shut you up with more words without action. "when I have a free weekend" Where is he when he's not with you? "I'll take you away" Don't count on it until it actually happens. You're going to be easy to play, dear.

As for his talking about his ex-wife, I really doubt that he still has positive feelings for her. She was very abusive. Anytime he talks about her, there's usually a lot of cursing involved (b itch, c unt, w hore, etc.).

So he's issued as well and still very much not over her or what he thinks she did to him.

Anyway your question... about the conversation.

Just taking it at face value. It's too freaking early for him to commit to you and be your boyfriend. If nothing else he's smart enough to realize that. Currently I'd say he's now stalling you in your pre-mature fixation by telling you what he thinks you'd like to hear.

[In Memoriam]

^How many assumptions can you make in one post? o.O (See post above yours).

[Wakeup]

I've made no assumptions. I wonder how many assumptions you've made about this man you know nothing about and in your pre-mature confession of "love" for him? In those two weeks you've known him. In those two weeks, just how many hours have you actually spent with him?

I'll repeat this in case you missed it on edit:

Anyway your question... about the conversation.

Just taking it at face value. It's too freaking early for him to commit to you and be your boyfriend. If nothing else he's smart enough to realize that. Currently I'd say he's now stalling you in your pre-mature fixation by telling you what he thinks you'd like to hear.

[In Memoriam]

What does your therapist say about your premature love of this man who never answered your question but just shut you up with more words without action. "when I have a free weekend" Where is he when he's not with you? "I'll take you away" Don't count on it until it actually happens. You're going to be easy to play, dear.

So he's issued as well and still very much not over her or what he thinks she did to him.

You sound very paranoid and distrusting of men. I'm not the type of person who worries about where a guy is 24/7. And I realize that he has a job, friends and family, and probably would like some alone time, too. He works most weekends...since he talks about his job pretty often, he probably isn't lying about it either.

And she did do things to him. He has scars on his body from her.

Anyway your question... about the conversation.

Just taking it at face value. It's too freaking early for him to commit to you and be your boyfriend. If nothing else he's smart enough to realize that. Currently I'd say he's now stalling you in your pre-mature fixation by telling you what he thinks you'd like to hear.

Okay, that sounds reasonable. Honestly, I've seen people pair up and say "I love you" sooner than this and stay together for years...but yes, it is still quite early. As for the "telling me what he thinks I'd like to hear"...again, that may be possible, but sounds more like an unnecessary stab at his character.

[In Memoriam]

I've made no assumptions. I wonder how many assumptions you've made about this man you know nothing about and in your pre-mature confession of "love" for him? In those two weeks you've known him. In those two weeks, just how many hours have you actually spent with him?

I haven't been counting hours. And the only assumption I make about him is that he's a decent person. Otherwise, I only claim to know what he tells me. Of course, you could say I should assume he's constantly lying, but I'm not.

[Wakeup]

You sound very paranoid and distrusting of men.

No, but in this one situation it is clear that you are going on blind trust. Trust of a man you do not even know who is obviously not stupid enough to tell you he will be your boyfriend after two weeks. You ignore red flags and you fall very easily

I'm not the type of person who worries about where a guy is 24/7. And I realize that he has a job, friends and family, and probably would like some alone time, too. He works most weekends...since he talks about his job pretty often, he probably isn't lying about it either.

He works most weekends... yet another red flag you're ignoring. Did you meet him online?

And she did do things to him. He has scars on his body from her.

Then he has issues. How long was he stupid enough to stay with her? If he's even left her? For all you know of him he could be lying about her too.

Okay, that sounds reasonable. Honestly, I've seen people pair up and say "I love you" sooner than this and stay together for years...but yes, it is still quite early. As for the "telling me what he thinks I'd like to hear"...again, that may be possible, but sounds more like an unnecessary stab at his character.

I know as much about him as you do except I don't know the size of his dick or the colour of his hair and eyes.

All i'm telling you is step back and look at this with your brain and leave your heart and vagina out of it.

[IndiReloaded]

Me: "Hey."

Him: "Yeah?"

Me: "Do you want to be my boyfriend?"

[Insert Awkward Silence Here]

Him: "Umm...I don't know..."

Okay, well, other posts aside, this^ = NO.

Sorry, but there it is. That other stuff about going away for a weekend is him trying to keep you from freaking out and bailing. Which I think you should, btw. You are clearly a rebound at best, and probably (more likely) and affair partner. Are you *sure* this guy is divorced?

Oh, and telling him you love him? Now he thinks you're a nutcase. Just saying.

Currently I'd say he's now stalling you in your pre-mature fixation by telling you what he thinks you'd like to hear.

This^.

[In Memoriam]

No, but in this one situation it is clear that you are going on blind trust. Trust of a man you do not even know who is obviously not stupid enough to tell you he will be your boyfriend after two weeks. You ignore red flags and you fall very easily He works most weekends... yet another red flag you're ignoring.

I don't really look for 'red flags' in people...that seems like the kind of thing that can easily be misinterpreted and cause unnecessary paranoia and confusion. Could you point out exactly what you see red flags in? Is it just because he works on the weekends?

Then he has issues. How long was he stupid enough to stay with her? If he's even left her? For all you know of him he could be lying about her too.

For all I know, anybody could be lying about anything. And absolutely everyone has issues of some sort. Anybody who just got out of an abusive relationship would have issues.

I know as much about him as you do except I don't know the size of his dick or the colour of his hair and eyes.

Incorrect.

All i'm telling you is step back and look at this with your brain and leave your heart and vagina out of it.

Okay. (Although I did specify early on that this is purely heart - you seem overly fixated on the sexual aspect, as I've said before).

[Wakeup]

You'll learn on your own. You have absolutely no concern about your own emotional health so carry on. There is no point trying to educate you about what is wrong with this picture.

[In Memoriam]

And also...there's a reason why I posted this in the "Ask a Male" forum. I find that women have a tendency to turn small things (for example, potentially imaginary "red flags") into big problems. Which is what I'm seeing here.

In my experience, men are generally less harsh with these kind of things. A female friend of mine broke up with her boyfriend at the time because he said he loved her within a week. A male friend, in contrast, seemed proud that he and his GF exchanged "I love yous" within the first 6 days. I actually asked a few people (males) how they'd react to an early "I love you" (which is how I got the courage to even say it). No one said they'd think the girl is a "nutcase" from that alone. Maybe some guys will (hopefully not mine), but women seem to be much worse about it. They overreact.

[Wakeup]

Yes, that's right, dear. Keep trying, eventually someone without a clue will tell you what you want to hear.

I actually asked a few people (males) how they'd react to an early "I love you" (which is how I got the courage to even say it). No one said they'd think the girl is a "nutcase"

One wonders why you keep seeking yet more validation.