crazy to put things on hold for a couple years?

[jeebies]

I was with someone for 4 years and we got enganged. I broke things off with him twice because he would not look for a job and I couldn't support us on my school loans. Now, 1.5 years later, I have a good career, he is in school (thinking about med school), and we are in different states. We still talk and there is no question we still love each other.

Here's the kicker: he unintentionally got a girl (who happens to be lesbian) pregnant after we broke up. We discussed this in depth, and he was so distraught after our breakup he became friends with this girl, and just needed to be with someone physically. She was young and apparently didn't think skipping a day or two of birth control would make a difference. We don't know where the baby is; she is doing everything in her power to keep the baby out of his family's reach. I don't know why; his family is incredibly loving and supportive and wants to take the child in. They don't use or abuse substances and treat their own kids very well while keeping them structured/disciplined. They want to take the baby in. I would trust them with my own kids if I had any. He is in school away from the family in a different town (and different state from me).

I wonder if I should wait a couple years to get my career established, to see if he continues with and follows through on his plans for school (I know he may not find a job for a while if he continues med/other schooling), see where the baby ends up (I would be willing to take her in) and to see how everything settles out. I think a couple years will give me better perspective if things could work out. Should I wait for this mess to settle? Am I wasting my time? Part of me thinks that love is worth waiting for and that love is (shoud be) blind to character flaws and to many other things, and love is faith that things will work out. The other part of me thinks he will never change (not complete school or find a job, etc) and that I'm wasting my time. I know he wants me to wait... I'm not risking him finding someone else if I tell him I will consider things in a couple years. Am I crazy?

[Leila]

Women have a biological clock. I think it's silly to wait around for somebody or anything for that matter. If you want something you go get it, if you want to be with someone, make it happen.

I would not put all my money on betting that he would change. Keep your options open with other pursuers.

[Boisdevie]

Yep you are batshit crazy. Listen honey, life happens when you're making plans. And the guy sounds like a dickhead. Clearly not bright enough to use a condom when he's shagging a woman he's just met. Not exactly a catch there is he?

[bulrush]

This guy wouldn't get a job for 4 years? Did you live together and you paid all the bills? Wow. Did you know that love won't pay the bills, put food in your stomach, or pay for heat in the winter? That's a cold, hungry kind of love. He's "thinking" about medical school. He's not in med school. Does he even have the college prerequisites to get into med school? Are his grades good?

This guy sounds like a talker, not a doer. If you are fine with paying all the bills for the rest of your life, go ahead and marry this guy. I'm not into someone who won't pull their own weight though.

[jeebies]

It sounds like from your answers that you expect his behaviors will not change in a couple years. I will consider your advice, thank you.

[InYourFACE]

I THINK you both are not a good match for each other.
soon or later money, job, baby mama drama will keep coming up as a drama and will be a
big issue! And often you will lose the battle cause she have a child with him so he
will invest more time there and there is more connection there also and he may sleep with her and tell you he was
just there to visit his child and since you cant control that, more drama will come

You have other mentality and stands way different in life then him.

I think he will keep bringing the same drama to your life.
cause i smell immaturity,insecurity, and a men should be one that wants to work and knows where he is going.
cause when you have kids he will have to be the cost-winner . and if he is lazy like that you will only have drama.
and for shore baby mama drama.

Stop this crap and go for your future plans and dreams, find someone of your own type.
and looking at your post i think you know already what to do.
so do it!
Let him go and be a dad to his kid and his baby-mama.

Dont make excuses for him , he is grown,, let him clean his own mess!
and you cant take no baby in, cause that baby belongs to her mother!
make your own!

[InYourFACE]

-cause that baby belongs to her mother!(and father sure).