PLs help, patching with cheating ex

[Jannie23]

The story goes like this, he was my first bf & I was quite possessive towards him. However, he was treating me really sweet & nice with surprises & constant care. I always throw small tantrum but he still apologize when its nt his fault. I thought he really love me from all his efforts. We were rly happy tog.

Until 8 months ltr, he switched jobs & had long working hours, I start making complain to him that he didnt spend enough time w me. We quarrel on e phone almost everyday. But things will still be okay the next day after some coaxing. However, time spend was getting lesser & we started to quarrel more often. I started to say I wanna break up (but i didnt really mean it) but thgs will still be ok aft e nxt day.

It was until one month ltr, I caught him cheating through his phone & I called that girl. It was his colleague & then I found out that he didnt told her tt he has a gf & i ask her did he had sex with her, she said no. However, I was devasted that my boyfriend had e intention to cheat on me. It was midnight, he was slping & I went to his room cried & revealed him, BUT what he did was to give a very vexed look & no answer & he continued to hide & sleep. I was so angry I scolded him & walked out.

HE tried calling me a few times ltr in the day but i ignored. Then the next day, when I knew that this r/s might just gonna end, I clam down & realise that I really love this person, It's only until then then I realize I haven been giving him space. So, I called him, he was on his way to work & he said he will come down & talk to me aft work. I didnt slept & waited. During his lunch time I send him a text saying :"pls rmb to come, I'm waiting for you" & then I recieved a shock reply "What you want". I immd know this is not from my bf as I know his style. HE called 2mins ltr & ask what did he send & what did I repiled. I knew it was TT female coll that replied me & deleted off the msg. However, I stayed clam I say i will wait for him to come. HE said ok.

He called aft his work & said he can only come in the night cos he needs to go GYM. I was so pissed bcos I knew it was that girl that held him up bcos she saw e msg & he actually priorities her. I cried horribly & my friends told me to break up w him. I did. I send a break up text. But thr was no reply until one day ltr. He tried calling a few times but i ignored, he text me to ask is the breakup for true. I said yes. HE said ok. Then few days ltr, he used an unknown number to call me so tt i will pick & I told him to stop pestering me & I hang his phone. I tried to move on thinking that he had a new gf & changed my number. Then again, I soon recieved a fb msg from him thru his friend's fb (bcos I blocked him), he apologised & said he can't forget me & ask for my forgiveness & begged me to let him talk to me for once. I repiled "no".

Then somehow or rather tt msg affect me alot, it just couldn't get off my mind. Few days ltr, I was crying I called him and scolded him. HE rushed down (previously he didnt bcos he nv enter my hse before as my parents dont know him). HE cried and begged me for forgiveness and said will not do it again and will be honest. I then asked him did he bed e girl and is he still in contact with her, he said NO. I went soft hearted so I forgave him and followed him back to his house. Sudd I felt so happy, it's like all e heart ache just vanished.

Little will I expect that, the next day while I'm still at his house, that girl turned up. HE told me to stay aside & he kinda telling the girl to stop contact with him cos he's with me already..but the dramatic thg is the girl shouted to me "he cabbed down & find me on that day you found he cheated & he told me you guys broke up and you the one bugging him, do u know we had sex in the hotel room & ytd I was lying on his bed".

I slapped him and ran off, he gave chase. He tried explaining to me that he is gonna tell that girl to end it already and that they have no status, it was a moment of folly & lust. I thought it was e end. I was crying & he seems upset too then I took a cab home.

It was a hell week of breakup pain for me,flashbacks, regrets, anger. Couldnt eat or sleep well. The guy that always send me texts & listening to my daily whines is gone. I kept having this regret that if I treated him better things wouldn't be like that. Soon, I contacted him again. Somehow or rather, we got back together bcos we cant let each other go.

The thing now is we are happy tog but I feel insecure whenever he's not ard. I got e crazy crying spells thinking he might just leave me. I become extra possessive. I had thought like all guys cheat as long as he still love you & show affection it is alright. But agn, it still hurts. It's been 4 months since e patch, e pain did get better but it still hurts. I wonder if i'm over paranoid & it's also driving him abit crazy. What sld i do now? Sld I give him a "test" like ignoring him for a while? Or will time heal everythg so long as I preserve? IS it my prob? Cos my friends can accept their cheating bf easily.. but i seems to have this insecurity prob from the start of this rs.. now it's worse..Pls help me.

[HeartIsAching]

There's nothing you can do to change this. Even if you manage to get him back, you'll never be able to trust him, and the cycle will continue. You'll be even more insecure and harass him even worse.

I don't know whether or not your insecurity pushed him away but regardless of that, he DID cheat on you. Take the lesson that's been given - crazy-lady behavior won't get you what you want.

It's hard, and it'll take time, but you do need to move on.

[smackie9]

It's obvious he loves you, BUT a man can only handle a crazy psycho bitch GF for so long. Once he spent less time with you, he realized how awful as a GF you really are, especially when his co-worker treated him with respect and kindness. He finally had someone to compare you too, and see that he needed a change. The love he had for you is what made him real confused. He wanted change but didn't know how to handle it, and like a loser he felt putting his penis into someone else might give him some relief. People cheat to escape, and he wanted to get away from you. He thought that by sleeping with her would help him not love you anymore, but it just made him even more confused....I guess the thought of being without you was too much. BUT, HIA is right, this cycle will continue, because you will never get over this, and your sh itty behavior has gotten worse...and that is what started all this in the first place. You won't change unless you get yourself out of this relationship and learn to be independent and not dependent on a BF to give you happiness ( also learn to respect your partner and they will respect you). For now you are way too immature to be in any kind of relationship, because you don't know how to keep those emotions in check. You are insecure to the core, not because of him, it's who you are as a person. You need to grow the f uck up.