The worst thing to happen...

[jay12]

My last posts have all been about keeping in touch with my ex, worrying about whether to phone her or not etc etc.

Well, i havnt posted for a few days and ive been chatting with her and gettin on ok. Then yesterday she dropped the bombshell - shes already with another guy. And she has been for 2 weeks ... we split up 3 weeks ago.

I was debating whether to see her again and i decided i would as we were gettin on. Then she told me that, and that i couldnt go and see her because of her new boyfriend.

Now ALL i wanna do is see her, i was gettin over it nicely, and now i feel absolutely devastated ... worse than i did when she dumped me, i cant stop thinkin about it and i feel so rejected.

Last night i went out with my friends and i couldnt begin to enjoy myself. I ended up texting her some things i regret.

I know this girl wasnt the girl of my dreams and i was coming to terms with the fact that wed split, but now i just dont know how im gonna get over this.

[Pilot]

Hi

I went through a similar situation to you last year. My ex was with another guy, only told me a few weeks after we broke up and when I worked it out, she got with him around the same time she left me... anyway...

Theres a possibility that shes in one of them 'rebound' relationships with him. Maybe shes not over you, and just feels like shes in love with him when she really isn't?

Regardless of that, you've got to try and move on. I would suggest that you try not to contact her at all. She will start to miss you and start texting/e-mailing you asking you how/where you are. I did that with my ex, and she soon started sending texts and e-mails with 'just thought i'd text you, see how you are and stuff as I havent heard from you for a while' (I replied with things like 'im ok thanks, hope you are too')As time went by and I felt ready to be able to talk to her properly, I spoke to her. Things are still abit rocky at times, but its alot better than it would have been if we kept talking.

So all I can say is that time apart will work wonders, and she will start to miss you.

Good luck mate.

[Junket]

Yeah dude, do the whole 'no contact' thing.

You'll be good after that.

Plus remember, no girl is ever really worth all the emotional turmoil you're inflicting upon yourself.

[Pilot]

"Plus remember, no girl is ever really worth all the emotional turmoil you're inflicting upon yourself."

I agree 100% with that.

[JGolds29]

My last posts have all been about keeping in touch with my ex, worrying about whether to phone her or not etc etc.

Well, i havnt posted for a few days and ive been chatting with her and gettin on ok. Then yesterday she dropped the bombshell - shes already with another guy. And she has been for 2 weeks ... we split up 3 weeks ago.

I was debating whether to see her again and i decided i would as we were gettin on. Then she told me that, and that i couldnt go and see her because of her new boyfriend.

Now ALL i wanna do is see her, i was gettin over it nicely, and now i feel absolutely devastated ... worse than i did when she dumped me, i cant stop thinkin about it and i feel so rejected.

Last night i went out with my friends and i couldnt begin to enjoy myself. I ended up texting her some things i regret.

I know this girl wasnt the girl of my dreams and i was coming to terms with the fact that wed split, but now i just dont know how im gonna get over this.

Jay, I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I went through pretty much the same thing with my ex, but I kept on for 5 months! I constantly called, IMed, texted her wondering what she was doing (which was the completely wrong thing to do), and I am pretty damn sure that I pushed her away by doing that. She started dating about a week after we broke up, and the guy she dated treated her like trash. I was there for her when things went bad, and we got back together shortly after. However, that only lasted about 5 days because she said that we rushed back into things. I had to let her go once again, but I continually kept in contact with her. This only prolonged my pain, especially when I found out about her messing around with 2 other guys. After I found out about the last guy, I became so enraged with her that I told her I wanted nothing to do with her, and I stopped all contact with her (blocked her AIM, deleted her phone numbers, etc.). It is amazing what no contact did, because less than 2 weeks later she was telling me how much she missed me and wanted to get back together. The point I am making is that you have to cut out all contact with her. You are never going to change her mind by talking to her, and not contacting her will only help you heal. I know how hard it is to not contact her, but try and keep yourself busy. If things are meant to be, then eventually she will realize that she made a mistake and then come back to you. But you have to stay away from her, and do everything you can to make that happen. Good luck!

[artyemi]

I was debating whether to see her again and i decided i would as we were gettin on. Then she told me that, and that i couldnt go and see her because of her new boyfriend.

Now ALL i wanna do is see her, i was gettin over it nicely, and now i feel absolutely devastated ... worse than i did when she dumped me, i cant stop thinkin about it and i feel so rejected.

Jay- there's a quote I got from this book. it's
"we all want to be loved and wanted by the person who just broke up with us."
it's hard now, but keep trying to spend time with your friends. It's not going to satisfy your craving for your girl, but keeping busy is the only way to go..

i don't know about other girls, but for me, once i tell a guy i'm finish with the relationship, then I am. and it seems she really wants to explore other options.. you should be doing the same thing for yourself because somewhere out there is someone who is going to be happy that you didn't get back with your ex.

[ALovelyLady86]

Sounds like to me if she was already with another man only one week after you guys split, she was a hoe and didnt much care for you anyway. It takes ALOT longer than that if you really love someone to grieve ya know? She didnt care...let it go. There are lots of other, more worthy, girls to look forward to. Frasbee has it sorta right... this one is definately not worth the emotions. You want someone who will miss you undyingly if a breakup were even considered.

[ALovelyLady86]

artyemi... was that book "Hes just not that into you" ?

[Jsnowman]

Jay,
everyone is right. Let her be. Two reasons though. One, she has moved on to someone else. You may never know the reason why. It could be that she is weak and needs to fill the void by bouncing to another relationship to skip the period of pain from a relationship ending. Perhaps she is confused. Maybe she is testing you to see how you react and has no interest in this other guy. Bottom line is you don't truely know because people are complicated and can have any number of reasons for their behavior. So the point is don't dwell on it even though you will Easier said then done but try nonetheless. Second, Jgold is right. It will be better for you to end contact for now. Who knows how long, only you will decide that but you should end the contact if she is with someone else. Why prolong the pain? She will not come back to you by you constantly contacting her. It will help you heal quicker and she may start contacting you to see why you are no longer in contact with her. So the simplest answer to your problem is that you should have no contact, time and the one thing no one can escape is suffer...........for now. I hate to say it but we all suffer when this happens and there really is no way around it until you are ready to stop suffering. That's where good ole' father time comes in Take care, keep us posted.

[artyemi]

artyemi... was that book "Hes just not that into you" ?

Yes it is!!!! Have you read it?? It's a totally awesome book!!!

I then made up a book of horrible things that my ex did to me to remind me why I should never ever ever want to stay in contact with him again. If he cares for me as a friend, and still want to be my friend, let him put in the effort. I'm sick of being treated like $#it!

Like Jay, if she really still cares for you, she'd never be dating someone else.
Come on, only a week after you guys ended it? And all these guys? Ok, ok, she could be bouncing or rebounding or whatever, but man, you are worth someone's time, effort, attention...

[jay12]

Reading these posts really does help.. thanks guys it really makes me feel better.

Right now i feel like she is the worst thing that has ever happened to me, my confidence is at an all time low.

But people tell me that i just gotta learn from this situation, im only 22 and i guess i wont make the same mistake again. She treated me terribly from start to finish and lookin back on it i dont think she ever really wanted to be with me, although there were some good times.
Thing is she knew how much i was falling for her - gettin deeper and deeper involved right to the end, and she basically led me on. Right now i wish i had never met her.

[jay12]

I forgot to mention im right in the middle of my final exams at univeristy, came in today to try and work but just cant concentrate!

Thinkin about it the no contact thing worked before, i didnt speak to her for about a week - felt much better, then she started calling me ... which has led to all this. She just seems to be so good at hurting me ...
Now tho, she has still got some of my library books that i took out for her, i have to return them by this week or else i cant graduate. So im gonna have to break no contact already, when i can see that it is the best way for me.

[ALovelyLady86]

I'm only 19, and I swear I've learned SO MUCH from past relationships. Just take it like a grain of salt. Of course there will be pain but remember you are worth everything! God wouldnt have made you had He not thought you were worthy of a life.
I've been made a stronger person and thats what you should look forward to because every day that you become stronger, youre becoming stronger for your future wife.... and shes definately worth it!

[artyemi]

I forgot to mention im right in the middle of my final exams at univeristy, came in today to try and work but just cant concentrate!

Thinkin about it the no contact thing worked before, i didnt speak to her for about a week - felt much better, then she started calling me ... which has led to all this. She just seems to be so good at hurting me ...
Now tho, she has still got some of my library books that i took out for her, i have to return them by this week or else i cant graduate. So im gonna have to break no contact already, when i can see that it is the best way for me.

hhhhhhhhmmmmmm, I HATE it when you're so over them, and very happy at doing your no contact then, then they call you and everything gets bad all over again.

That totally sucks Jay that she ahs your books. Do you guys go to the same uni? Maybe you can ask her to return them for you?

[jay12]

Its all sorted, she doesnt go the same uni, but is from the place where i go. Her friend brought them back for me and i went to see her. I was so desperate to talk to her about it but i know it would have been a bad move and i held back. Tempted to phone her now to thank her, but its only because i want to contact her somehow ...

Then again I suddenly feel a lot better this evening, no contact starts here....