What is she thinking? What should I do?

[SamHill]

Hello,
first of all I would like to point out that English is not my mother language, but this seems to be the safest way to avoid anyone who knows me to read this. I'm in a really difficult situation and it will take some time to explain it.

Well, where to begin? 6 months ago I've started a new job. A lot of People, all working in different shifts so it took me a few weeks until a noticed “her”. At the Beginning I was just occasionally looking over, but had the feeling that she was looking back. A few months passed in which I only saw her 3 or 4 times. I remember her saying “hello” once, but I had a pretty bad day and didn't say anything at all. It was a very faint "hello" and she seemed very shy. Kinda like me, actually.

Then, five or six weeks ago, we started to see each other almost every day, she was always talking to this other guy who worked at the plant (if that's the right word) next to me, but it was obvious that they were just friends. Whenever she was walking by I noticed a little smirk on her face and that was the point where I started thinking that she might be interested. I also had the feeling that she tried to be close to me. On one day I was replacing a guy for a few minutes right next to her but, and this will make me sound very stupid and juvenile, all of a sudden I was so nervous and shy so I tried to act cool and wasn't giving her any attention. I still don't know if I was the reason but she started to get really mad and I know this sounds funny, started beating a cardboard box, that made one of her co-workers come over asking her if everything is all right. She remained pretty much in that mood for the rest of the day. That was a Wednesday. I guess it was that day where I started to develop feelings for her. On Thursday, she completely avoided me she didn't even go to that other guy. I was feeling really bad and wanted to talk to her. I had Friday off but couldn't wait because the feeling became really strong. So I decided it would be the best if I just wait outside at the end of her shift and tell her how I feel. I still can't believe it, but that was exactly what I did, although it didn't go as planned. In fact, she didn't even notice me standing there and looked really surprised as I approached her. I asked her for a few minutes of her time, but I could tell by the look on her face that she had absolutely no idea what I was going to tell her. I had the whole conversation planned in my head but now I couldn't use any of it. I hesitated for a second and just told her that I have feelings for her. She jumped back and looked totally shocked. It was brutal… She told me that she has a 24 year old daughter and started walking away, asking me how old I am. So I told her… 28. I completely misjudged her age and the whole situation. I felt horrible and ashamed. I couldn't sleep or eat the next two days. How could I have been so stupid, telling someone I don't even know that I'm in love with her? That's not like I usually am. This never happened to me before and I still don't understand it.

On Monday everything seemed a little bit better, I had the work to keep my mind busy and I knew she was working in a different shift on a different floor, so I expected her to avoid me which she could have easily done. But then right at the end of my shift, there she was, but she wasn't there for me, she was talking with one of our co-worker who was sitting right next me. She didn't look at me but she must have noticed how uncomfortable I felt that moment. Eventually she had to go since her shift was starting. She came again the next day but the co-worker from the day before wasn't there so she just slowly walked by looking my way but not at me. She also made sure that I saw her on Wednesday and Thursday, but again didn't say anything. On Friday I finished early so we didn't see each other. The week after were back in the same shift working on plants right next to each other, I had to walk passed her at least 40 times a day. There were a lot of looks between us, sometimes I seemed that she wanted to talk to me and sometimes she looked rather annoyed or even disappointed. She never looked happy, the little smirk was gone. I know she told at least two other people at work about me but I have no Idea what exactly. There were at least three separate occasions where I tough she was about to walk over and talk to but then lost the courage, but maybe I was just imagining it. There was another situation where I was talking to a female co-worker and she looked over from the corner of her eye, like she was jealous.

What does she want? What is going on in her head? I mean, there is the age gap and I haven't mentioned this before but she is Russian, so there are some cultural differences as well. That woman raised a child, there is nothing I could tell her that she hasn't heard before. At that age you expect certain things from a man and I couldn't give her any of it. My Life is full of problems. I could never make her happy. Actually, it seems that I made her very unhappy. I'm very sorry about that. I don't know what I was thinking. The emotions just blocked any sense inside my head.

The week after that was last week, we only saw each other three times. She came again to the plant I'm working on but again didn't talk to me. She was looking over a few times but I tried not to show her how bad this whole situation makes me feel.

I have the week off, maybe that's enough time to get over it. It's just very awkward whenever we see each other. I don't know how to react when I see her, I still get nervous. I don't even know what to say to her now. I think the point where we could have had a normal conversation is now long gone.

I guess I would like to hear a woman's perspective on this. Maybe even some advise what to do.

[smackie9]

You haven't had a GF before or dated anyone have you.

[Negan]

You're pretty screwed son.
Get over that one, try get another completely unrelated to work or any of your activities. Makes things so much more easier.

[smackie9]

I agree, trying to use work as a dating pool will only be trouble for you. Work and personal should be kept separate.

[SamHill]

Well, I guess you're right. But should I try to talk to her and apologies or should I just leave her alone?
Like I said she is still coming over and is still trying to get my attention.
It's true, I don't have that much experience with woman and I'm pretty immature considering my age.

[smackie9]

It's best to keep your relationship professional. Be courteous, say hello, how are you or nice day, have a good night...that's it.