reality flash on relationships around me

[balance_try]

Well, lately i have a reality flash. I see my relations with my friends and past friends in a new light and see that i am surrounded by more or less manipulative narcissists. The thing is i don't even mind their behaviour that much, because i am not a target or their anger. They pretty much hate on themselves and i see that they need success in their life or they will be their own demise.

The other thing is, they just don't care about other people (me for instance) or are even pervese and sadistic to get what they want. They don't want to know themselves and i know that criticism is not working. If things get emotional, i have to be very careful what i say; if i open myself too much, they feel inferior and aggrieved. They close up and try to hurt my behind my back.

And again i would not mind all that. I see, that i can learn and grow from good and bad friends. But i also see that it is time to move on. The thing is, one perticular of them, lost his female "companion" he was with for 6 years. After i saw how he really can be and how they understood their relationship, I was kinda happy for her that she could get away from him, (went on a trip with them, the relastionship was broken long before and there were no honest attemps in saving it). She left him a month later, after he stressed her to say if she want to still be with him.

If you think, that i made her leave him, i never was alone with her, except small 30 min. talks and never talked about him, direct or indirectly. He often wanted to talk about his relationship with me. I was one of the guys that he could open up to.

As i am, after the breakup i helped both of them to get kinda stable and tried to be honest as to how i see their relationship. With her i just talked how i see things. With him, this is impossible. I have to be careful with my own opinion and more be like a doctor or sokrates to even see for myself, how much he can understand. Well, for him it is as it always is. She is to blame, she has another man, she is naive and his only fault is, that he stopped to manipulate her that much. That he tried to let her have more room to breathe and decide. Really he was like a bad dad would be to his son...

Now here i am. Seeing all the similarities of this relationship and that of my father and mother.

He (friend) was so destructive the last month, that he made some people ignore her for no reason other, than his belive that she has an affair. I could not accept everything. Now he thinks that i am in love with her and have no balls to say so. Honestly, he is just a little child who has no clue how love feels.

I see why he thinks that, she likes me, sure. If the situation would be reversed (he is in my position), then he would just go for it as he did in the past (not with me). Just seeing himself, always blaming the others. I like her, as i do every woman that i feel that i can speak freely. Even he said 3 months ago, that she would be the perfect girlfriend for me! It could be possible to be with her, but not if i want to stay friends with him. He is not mature enough. I have to have a talk with him and her soon..

go ahead, analyze and give me another perspective please... sry if my english is bad.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Your friend is right. You want his girl, and probably have for a while. Peons like you always whine about how bad the guy is that the girl you like is with currently. Stop vomiting your self-righteousness on us. Admit that if the girl you like is with such a dickhead, then she obviously either has really bad judgement(and isn't as perfect as you make her out to be), or was able to look past what you see as flaws. The girl doesn't like you that much since she's with someone who isn't you. You say your friend is toxic and you'd be fine without him, so go after the ex if you really want her. Pussy.

[Love'sReject]

Settle for an ugly, overweight chick. They're the only ones who like righteous guys.

[balance_try]

hi guys, thanks for the hate.

first of all, he was an manipulative ass to her and she sure was dependant on him. Btw, my friend thinks all the world wants his girl and ohh how he loves to "protect" her and nowadays that the whole worlds slept with her (nobody did). They came together bwhen she was 16 (bad home) and he was 23 and had his own home. He is really a cool guy that makes a lot of awesome stuff and is very active. go figure

i like many woman that i know and not many of them had sex with me (you might think, that i am ugly and bad with the ladies but i had youth and gained my own insights on human relationships. I act on my principles even when drunk) . A relationship is a very serious thing. I am not 16 and play around with the hearts of other people. The reason i am so happy for her being alone, is because she is so much like a sister of mine and my mother. Both of them only know an unhealthy and in the case of my mother abusive relationship. not based on communication or understanding but on reasons to be together (sex, not being alone and egoistical stuff). It is real hurt, when i see that pain in the eyes of my sister(s) and mother(s). Now you guys come and bash on me for being a "righteous" guy? Please if you don't want to really communicate TOGETHER with another human being, just shut your mouth... your critisism of my person as you imagine it, is just a look into a mirror.

[balance_try]

well BackUpOrGetStng, i just wanted to say to you, that i want to thank you for caring. i feel that you have authenticity.

[balance_try]

doublepost

[Love'sReject]

because she is so much like a sister of mine and my mother.

Kinda creepy to compare her to your mother. But anyway, the key thing is, if she reciprocates the feeling of being a sister to you, you're friendzone'd for life, bro.

[IndiReloaded]

Sounds to me you are having a hard time admitting you want her. Yes, you will likely have to choose b/t your 'friend' and this girl. Can you? Depends how good a friend he is.

What is it about her that you can't get from another girl? One who isn't a friend's ex? I'm not saying you can't, I'm saying make sure its worth it.

[balance_try]

You take something out of context there. I am talking about personality and their story in relationships. I love my mother and sisters for so many things, but one is like an angel (no not because of her body) and i think it is a good thing that there are more angels out there. To see them getting hurt for nothing is hard to accept for me (not always possible). My friend knew that, so he hid much of what was going on. This reminds me of a quote that popped up in my head the other day:

“Half the harm that is done in this world is due to people who want to feel important. They don't mean to do harm; but the harm does not interest them. Or they do not see it, or they justify it because they are absorbed in the endless struggle to think well of themselves.” T. S. Eliot

[IndiReloaded]

“Half the harm that is done in this world is due to people who want to feel important. They don't mean to do harm; but the harm does not interest them. Or they do not see it, or they justify it because they are absorbed in the endless struggle to think well of themselves.”

I agree with this. They don't mean harm, but yet they do it. They deserve our compassion, but from a distance. Sometimes, space is the best gift one can give to someone at this stage of personal development.

So, that's your male friend. What about her? Sounds like she came to realize this^ and is moving on. What do you want?

[balance_try]

Yes i want her as did want many other woman, even thou i must admit with her it seem to be strong (i rejected many girls after i got to know them). The thing is there is always my mind that makes all this noise and all the shit that happened behind my back the last couple of days (friends)... It is one of those things, where the right thing is also the wrong thing.

The questions you asked are excatly the questions that i examine since a while.
He is a bad friend and always was, which i don't mind that much (he is not trying to hide that). I still respect him and have no issue being together with him. He has many positive qualitys, but he would never be there if i would be "not so well".

Other woman sure there are many others. It even seems that i have to choose between more that just her and a friend. She really is unlike any other woman i met.
If it is worth it, can only be known, by having it. And if it is love, will be shown, by leaving it (in time).

[balance_try]

I agree with this. They don't mean harm, but yet they do it. They deserve our compassion, but from a distance. Sometimes, space is the best gift one can give to someone at this stage of personal development.

So, that's your male friend. What about her? Sounds like she came to realize this^ and is moving on. What do you want?

yes. man yes. right now i want to get out of this city for a couple of days and go into nature, to the mountains with myself. That quote from T.S. Eliot is chasing me with many friends lately and the feeling itself was there long before. I want to thank you for listening!