Is it too late

**dorogoi1** · 04-12-12, 01:20 PM

Hi Everyone,

I apologize for the length of this post..

I've been working with this guy for over a year. He went overseas for 6 weeks and we talked the entire time he was gone. I pushed for friends with benefits because I was in the process of divorcing from my abusive husband, I finalized my divorce and we had sex the first night he came back. At one point, he called me his girlfriend and introduced me to some friends but the entire relationship was confusing/complicated.

Looking back at it, I did put a lot of pressure on him to act like my surrogate husband. I was always really depressed and unstable. We always fought and I kept making him feel like he did not treat me well no matter what he did. He really was an awesome boyfriend for a while (of course, he had flaws - a lot of them) but I didn't appreciate any of the good. I broke up with him 15 times in a span of 6 weeks. During these break ups, he'd tell me he didnt treat me the way I wanted because he didn't have that "in love" feeling with me and he doesn't want me. After a week break, he and I reconciled (we started up again a couple of weeks ago) as fwb. Now, outside of work, we see each other about 2-3 times a week only on weekdays. We have dinner together, have awesome sex, and talk. The other night, he called me his girlfriend but also said its complicated (he said it on his own, I didn't ask about our relationship). We had a very open, honest relationship and now he's closed off but I feel like he's slowly opening up again. I'm starting to develop real feelings for him and I want us to move past the craziness - I really was going through a lot - but I don't know if this relationship is salvageable at this point. Right now, he and I are not dating/sleeping with anyone else, but if we do meet someone we may be interested in, we have to tell the other person right away.

With all this said, should I take his words at face value and assume he doesn't really want me and give up? Is there anything that I can do or not do so we can build a relationship?

**Mme Desgranges** · 04-12-12, 02:57 PM

Is there a question in there? Finding it hard to understand and separate the exposition from the issue and the question.

**dorogoi1** · 04-12-12, 06:27 PM

The question is at the bottom: "With all this said, should I take his words at face value and assume he doesn't really want me and give up? Is there anything that I can do or not do so we can build a relationship?"

The question is two parts: 1) Is it too late for our relationship to develop since I've put him through so much and since he's already said he doesnt have that "in love" feeling; 2) Is there anything that I can do to help the relationship develop?

I hope that made sense..

**HeartIsAching** · 04-12-12, 09:19 PM

Originally Posted by dorogoi1

Hi Everyone,

I apologize for the length of this post..

I've been working with this guy for over a year. He went overseas for 6 weeks and we talked the entire time he was gone. I pushed for friends with benefits because I was in the process of divorcing from my abusive husband, I finalized my divorce and we had sex the first night he came back. At one point, he called me his girlfriend and introduced me to some friends but the entire relationship was confusing/complicated.

Looking back at it, I did put a lot of pressure on him to act like my surrogate husband. I was always really depressed and unstable. We always fought and I kept making him feel like he did not treat me well no matter what he did. He really was an awesome boyfriend for a while (of course, he had flaws - a lot of them) but I didn't appreciate any of the good. I broke up with him 15 times in a span of 6 weeks. During these break ups, he'd tell me he didnt treat me the way I wanted because he didn't have that "in love" feeling with me and he doesn't want me. After a week break, he and I reconciled (we started up again a couple of weeks ago) as fwb. Now, outside of work, we see each other about 2-3 times a week only on weekdays. We have dinner together, have awesome sex, and talk. The other night, he called me his girlfriend but also said its complicated (he said it on his own, I didn't ask about our relationship). We had a very open, honest relationship and now he's closed off but I feel like he's slowly opening up again. I'm starting to develop real feelings for him and I want us to move past the craziness - I really was going through a lot - but I don't know if this relationship is salvageable at this point. Right now, he and I are not dating/sleeping with anyone else, but if we do meet someone we may be interested in, we have to tell the other person right away.

With all this said, should I take his words at face value and assume he doesn't really want me and give up? Is there anything that I can do or not do so we can build a relationship?

You treated him like that because your ex-husband was abusive. You likely married your ex because he treated you in some way similarly to the way one or both of your parents treated you.

You broke up with him 15 times in 6 weeks and he said he didn't have those "in love" feelings?

If he's with you at all, you're lucky. I'd have run like hell from the crazy lady. Personally I think he's probably just using you for sex, but your best bet?

Ask him.

**Fruitsss** · 05-12-12, 12:29 AM

U can never start something with sex and think it will be all real and well.
Cause a men works always the same way.

After sex he lose any kind of respect or serious interest in a woman like that.
And he may keep coming only for what u let him know u r good for : : SEX!

If u love yourself u would break all of this. Cause it started like a mess so it go's on like a mess.
U need to know what is his intentions and how he sees u before u even let him touch u.
U did it all in a messy way so now u r confuse . And me 2!
Sex change peoples feelings and minds etc. So if the guy was serious about u after sex he can be completely different/

Thats why sex is the last thing u need to bring on the table. So leave it for marriage it the best thing.

Right now your situation is like i showed him i was a easy one. So now how am i going to TELL him im not.\So
i can have a serious relationship with him..........:S:SS:S:S:

And u wasnt ready for any kind of relationship after a divorce. And if it was abusive i would aspect someone like that to
to shout out how happy they are to be single and get console and enjoy being single and take time to heal from that horrible marriage . And not dating or look for sex or the arms of any men to be near u.
So u can get stronger out of your past.

Cause maybe this whole sex things started with that guy cause u was vulnerable in that time.
So maybe and i am pretty shore its nor serious.
U r a mature person be wise . U have been true to much to just lay down with whatever person for no good reason
just cause its temptation.
U aint a victim anymore , But u shore can be wiser now!

**Fruitsss** · 05-12-12, 12:37 AM

I see that u think and he also see u like : noting more worth then a dinner, and crazy sex figure.
I think u know all of this but u want to belive that its the opposite.
MAybe u do that cause u try to cover the heart u have , and to run away from it.
But if u dont deal with it the right way honey it will not go away.
What about stop any dating or relationship stuff and go to a therapist and take time to
get your rest and your self and work on your self esteem.
And to enjoy the rest u have missed for so long cause of that bad marriage.

Stop running here ad there from loser to loser. Your body is special and delicate . U can get also HIV if u r not careful with it. So why give away like that.
Love yourself before loving someone else.
LOve yourself firstt. And then u can know in a better way who is loving u!
And who is not.
Is that what u want? Work on your self esteem go to a therapist to see what makes u be happy with less or rubbish.

**HeartIsAching** · 05-12-12, 12:54 AM