Found out he is cheating on me

[ohsosad]

Hi everyone!
I started to write my story and after I wrote almost everything the post got lost
So I will write it again but surely with less detailes because I just can't write the thing again..

I've been married for 8 yrs. We are both (quite) young, with succesfull careers, not bad looking, with a nice house, travelling around and enjoying life with our biggest success - our to beautiful kids.
I thought our marriage was far from perfect, but still a very very good one...

Lately I noticed he was spending lots of time on his iPhone while starting to be quite cold towards me, so I decidet to "follow the situation" and payed more attention to what he was doing...So I realized he was messaging with someone on facebook but couldn't be sure who it was since I would recognized the same picture but seing from far away didn't know if it was a he or a she. It started to bother me, eating me from inside..I felt very bad...

One day, I got the chance and looked in his phone (I know I know I am not proud of it). He has a pass lock but I knew it. So I looked. I found out he is cheating on me..Not withone. But with at least 3 women. I was shocked, angry, miserable and sad at the same moment...My whole world fell apart.
I took some pictures of his screen, confronted him but without saying I looked in the phone. I told him someone has told me.

He of coure denied everything making me look like a neurotic crazy woman wich made me evem more angry...
He didn't know what I knew so kept on denying things for wich I have proofs. But stil....I cannot tell I have the proof...why? Because I know the moment I do that everything is over.....

I aked him to show me the messages telling him this way he could resolve all my doubts, but he didn't want to do that. Instead he got up at night and erased all his messages....


I start thinking of goint to one of those women (he even intoduced me once with her) to ask her directly, but I might not have the courage to do that
Then I started to try to find a way to hack theirs facebook accounts just to see .....To see what? I feel like I am trying to hurt myself even more....

I told hime I wnated a divorce..but I am not sure I want that..I don't know what to tell to the kids..they are so small ( 7 and 4)...He is attacking me saying I am not normal and saying nothing is true..but I know he is lying..so why? Why can't I just say: enough?? Why?
I am so sad...

[Guybrush]

I assume that you are reluctant about confronting him with the evidence since you feel that the way you obtained it was deceiptful. I would not worry too much about that. Rather, I think the situation absolutely calls for you confronting him with what you found. Your husband is a big time casanova and pathological liar, who even has the nerve to throw accusations back at you. You have to expose him.

If you have moral issues about that, think of it this way: You have already looked at his phone, what is done is done. It is still nothing in comparison to what he has done to you. If you tell him you checked his phone this is actually a display of honesty from your side, in response to his extreme lack of the same. It is going to take a lot more than a little phone-snooping to turn the table in his favor when it comes to moral judgement, believe me!

And when it comes to evaluating his infidelity, I don't know where to start.... To be honest, I do not think I could ever forgive being cheated on, nor would I expect to be forgiven. That said, there are degrees of infidelity too. You have the good-old one time "drunken mistake" during a cold phase of a marriage, and I respect the people who are able to forgive and move on after something like that.

But, seriously, this is completely different! He is cheating with three different women? And that is just the ones you know about? Give me a break!? I am sorry, but there is no hope for this guy to change. He simply cannot be trusted.

Find a divorce attourney and get it done.

[Scarlet_P]

I think that, especially in marriage, cheating is unforgiveable. It was one of the vows he made. No matter how you obtained the information, which you only did because your intuition told you something was wrong, on a scale on 1 to 10, yours is a 1 (low) and his is a 10 (top marks for being a b'stard). Trust is very important in a relationship, but not as important as fidelity. Believe me, dear ohsosad, I've been in the same position after a now ex-girlfriend did the same, and I found an email saying how great it was. Even her sister and her mum was pleased for her, that she'd cheated on me.

You are doing the right thing. Divorce him. Studies show, if you want stats, that a person who has cheated is 2.5 times more likely to do so again. May I please ask if you don't mind: were you still having sex? If so, how often? If not, was it you who pushed him away, giving him any cause at all to have affairs? The blame is still with him, but can you see any logic or reason for him doing this? Have you had a haircut he doesn't like, or, put on a lot of weight since the wedding, or anything like that? Sorry, that sounds horrible, but I can only stress again you've done nothing wrong.

There's no wedding vow for "I won't try and find out if he's cheating on me" :0)