Girlfriend emotionally distant, how do I get her back?!

[Onedaydream3r]

Hi everyone,

Going through a rough patch with my girlfriend at the minute and wanted some advice as I'm not sure what the best thing to do is...

Brief background:
We met online 18 months ago, were seeing each other for 8 months but when questioned over if I wanted anything more serious, at the time I was still getting over my ex and didn't really "feel" it so it didn't feel right to start anything serious so told her the truth. Naturally she started seeing someone else and I moved on, and to be honest was even happy for her. A few months later the feelings for my ex vanished, my head cleared up and the smoke disappeared so to speak and I realised there was something missing. On getting back in contact I found her bf had cheated on her and they broke up so I moved back in.

We took it slow the first couple months, dating and keeping it casual but I made it very clear I wanted more this time and wasn't going to mess her around. Things progressed, I fell absolutely head over heels in love with her and things were going absolutely perfectly.

A few weeks before Xmas I noticed she was a bit emotionally distant. Couldn't place it but just felt like she wasn't 100% there like she had been. A week ago she apologized for not being herself but had something on her mind. She said she wasn't sure where we were going, felt like if we were meant to be then it would have happened first time round and she would have been enough for me to get over my ex, and she feels like she's not sure where we're headed long term.

My problem: what on earth do I do here? We talked about it, I tried to explain that that was then and all that matters is how we feel about each other now, I ****ed up got given a second chance and am sure as hell not going to do it again and am madly in love with her. She was like "ok, ok, well I'm not breaking up with you I'm just telling you". On occasions I get a glimpse of the girl I fell in love with, but more often than not now I'm faced with emotional distance. Hard to explain but it's just not quite the same. No more "I miss you loads" when I leave in the morning for work, her bubbly lovable self is not quite there. Small things but noticeable.

How can I get my girlfriend back without pouring on the love and potentially smothering her, pushing her away even further? She's the first girl I can realistically see myself growing old with, but we need to get over this hurdle, and I'm prepared to do whatever it takes to get there.

Any advice appreciated, in particular from a girls POV

[violete]

She doesn't trust you that this time you actually mean it. First you weren't ready to let go of your ex and now all of a sudden you realized that you want her (before, when you could have her, you wanted your ex). See my point?
Well, now I believe you shouldn't talk about too much because in my opinion talking won't change much. You have to be there for her, SHOW her what she means to you, appreciate her, your time together and stop convincing her into something. Maybe you should be more in a "what happens, happens" zone. And with time, I believe it will get better. Just open up to her, be kind, friendly, supportive, the perfect boyfriend. If her attitude doesn't change, if you'll still have this feeling that she is too distant then there is nothing you can do. Because no matter what kind of proof you will give to her, it simply won't be enough. That's my point of view

[BackUpOrGetStng]

"How can I get my girlfriend back without pouring on the love and potentially smothering her, pushing her away even further? She's the first girl I can realistically see myself growing old with, but we need to get over this hurdle, and I'm prepared to do whatever it takes to get there."

Back off of her completely. Start doing your own thing, and don't initiate contact with her. Start detaching yourself, treat the relationship as over and start looking for another girl. Once she sees she's losing you, she'll either let you go or fight for it. Either way you won't be confused anymore.