Feelings For A Coworker..

[CJA02]

Hello, I'm in need of some advice. So I just recently realized I have strong feelings for a coworker..

It started off as nothing but a physical attraction for her. We've always had a flirtacious type of work relationship. Like teasing each other and making each other laugh. She actually was the one to even start this kind of relationship. Everything would end when work was over, I really wouldn't even think about her after work. Anyways, it's been 6 months since we've been working together and I can't get her out of my head.

People would make jokes about us being together and I didn't think much of it. She would do things that would show everyone that she was interested in me. Other coworkers would come up to me and tell me she was into me. Although whenever we interacted outside of work, she was always brief and dismissive showing me that maybe she's not interested in me after all..Some time went by and nothing really changed until last month. She asked me one day if I had a girlfriend and I told her yes. Once I told her that, she's started acting really weird for that day. She still remained flirty with me. I love my girlfriend and she is a beautiful, all around great woman; but our relationship has been really rocky lately. I never thought I could have feelings for 2 women..

I had dinner with her a few days before New Year's as nothing more than just that. She was always complaining that she was so lonely during time off, so I'd figure I'd invite her out. Dinner was great but she would send me signals just like she always did during work and then said "See.. I'm not so bad", as if she's been waiting for this. A few days pass and she deletes me from facebook as well as all the other guys at work. I didn't think much of it, until I found out she is now seeing someone. She avoided telling me that's why she did it and had another coworker tell me. She says she needed to be good now.

Ever since then, I can not get her out of my mind. I think about her at all times and I even dream about her. I don't know what it is that I'm so attracted to about her. A few days ago my friend tried to talk to her about me in an effort to get some answers and she said she doesn't see me that way (like a boyfriend type). I was crushed. I'm not even an emotional kind of guy and I've been so depressed. Even though things could never work because of our job, I still have feelings for her and I can't help it. It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have to see her everyday.. As if that wasn't enough, I see her all the time after work. We don't even live close to each other and I saw her driving by today.

I figured it would pass but it's been 3 weeks and I still feel the same way. I know how to deal with breakups but how do I deal with this if I've never even been with her? I've never had feelings for someone who didn't have feelings for me. I just want to forget about her but can't.

[smackie9]

This is why I stress that no one should date a coworker or use work as a dating pool. Now you are stuck with heartache. Well a lot of it is from obsessing and daydreaming. This happens to everyone in the workplace, but you need to recognize it for what it is and not do it again. Don't worry it will wear off eventually, just keep busy and spend as little time around her as possible.

[CJA02]

This is why I stress that no one should date a coworker or use work as a dating pool. Now you are stuck with heartache. Well a lot of it is from obsessing and daydreaming. This happens to everyone in the workplace, but you need to recognize it for what it is and not do it again. Don't worry it will wear off eventually, just keep busy and spend as little time around her as possible.

Thanks for the advice.. Yea, I know better than to obsess over a coworker, but that's just the thing.. I can't help it. I have been doing this for 8 years and have never experienced this before. That's what makes this whole situation so strange. The weirdest part about it is that there are many things I don't like about her personality, but I'm still so attracted to her.

I wish I could but I can't just not see her at work. I'm forced to interact with her and that's probably the hardest part. I think it's just admiration from her end but she likes being around me. She stares at me a lot and goes out of her way to acompany me to do things and go to places. Telling her what I feel and to stay way is risky due to affecting my job and how I'm viewed. This whole situation is pretty strange.

I'm going on a trip for a few weeks across the country soon and I'm hoping this will help.

[chloe90]

Don't do it. Read my thread. I fell in love with someone I work with and he's broken my heart and now I feel sick every day I go to work and seeing him kills me. I wish I'd never fell for him.

[IndiReloaded]

If she's staring back at you, is she perhaps returning your interest? One way to get over her is to, well... get over her. Is there any professional repercussions to you if you get together and things don't work out?

In cases like this, I would recommend you actually pursue her hard, get the girl and then see if this sorts you both out.

[CJA02]

If she's staring back at you, is she perhaps returning your interest? One way to get over her is to, well... get over her. Is there any professional repercussions to you if you get together and things don't work out?

In cases like this, I would recommend you actually pursue her hard, get the girl and then see if this sorts you both out.

I really don't understand this woman, to be honest. A few months back when I wasn't really into her (just physical attraction) she would say and do things that would convince me that she was interested.. Like for example, I was on vacation and she texted me asking how I was doing and when I would get back.. I told her and she didn't like that it would be so long, and then she said "Nooo!! You keep me sane".. There are many other things she used to do that someone wouldn't do to/with someone she isn't at least interested in. Then she tells my friend she doesn't see me that way.

She confronted me about the other coworker asking her about me, but she didn't tell me that she wasn't interested in me.. Instead she just said she was seeing someone. She was real giggly when she did too. Another thing is that she didn't tell me that she was seeing someone shortly after I started getting feelings for her. She had someone else tell me. Why wouldn't she just tell me herself?

Either way, things could never work between us because of work. No to mention that she said she didn't see me that way anyways.

[RILEY82]

Thanks for reading mine.
I think you should take things carefully with her perhaps only speak if it is important.
I tried that in my case but mine lurks around me. every time she comes down stairs she will go out of her way to walk past me and get my attention.
What i am saying is if you keep it to a minimum be prepared that they may lurk around you.

[jolene austin]

Dating someone at work is very difficult. In a strange way relationships need their space in order to thrive. And while you may enjoy being with someone you see every day, eventually that every day becomes too stressful to handle. Just look at how you’ve managed to build a friendly relationship with someone while your girlfriend isn’t around… that wouldn’t happen if your girlfriend was always with you. Now as for how you should handle it… I think you should let her know how you feel but be open about how you still are in a relationship and would a) like to keep that relationship so shouldn’t pursue a new one or b) feel you need to end your relationship because of the feelings you have towards her. Either way, you might feel a big stress release by being honest. Holding that stuff in can really mess with your emotions (think about the anxious dreams you’re having). You have to forward and direct. It’s the best way to go.

[mydnyght]

If you say you have a girlfriend, I would not advise you risking your relationship over a co worker. Neither would I use the excuse of your relationship being rocky to try and jump the fence or anything. All relationships have their darker moments, but if you love this girl like you say, don't go throwing it all away. But if you feel you really do need to pursue this and the co worker ever does reciprocate, I would say it would be best to break it off with your current girl, of course in instead of cheating on her.

[AdminOnline]

This is why I stress that no one should date a coworker or use work as a dating pool. Now you are stuck with heartache. Well a lot of it is from obsessing and daydreaming. This happens to everyone in the workplace, but you need to recognize it for what it is and not do it again. Don't worry it will wear off eventually, just keep busy and spend as little time around her as possible.

agree with smackie.


never date fellow colleague..

[ashley89]

My ex was a co-worker of mine and it had its good and bad points. We met obviously at work and had the same type of flirtatious relationship for about 3 months before we started dating. However, during those 3 months he would act the same way to other girls we worked with and I was interested in other guys outside of the job, so I never gave it much thought even though I did like him. When we started dating it was fun because the relationship was new and we got to see each other at work which was great, but over time it kinda caused problems. Since we both worked there, people would start gossiping about our love life and it caused little problems here and there between us because everyone was always up in our business. If I talked to another male co-worker he would get jealous, same thing if he talked to the other girls. We got in trouble a few times for PDA type things when we thought people weren't looking... so overall it kinda started becoming a problem after awhile. Luckily I found another job and quit that one halfway into our relationship so by the time we broke up I wasn't there anymore. that would have been awful. In general it's not a good idea