How can one stop wanting to love?

[phoenixcinder]

Bluntly, how can one stop themselves from desiring to be in love again.

Been there, done that, was great, got the tshirt. I don't see the purpose in doing it again. Too many rules, sacrifices, having to change in ways one does not want to change.

Oddly with all the sex and cuddles one can get in a FWB situation it just doesn't quench that ache to want to be in love again. If love works in ways illicit drugs do and many people are successful at stopping themselves from desiring the drug, the same can be done for love.

Any suggestions on how one can kill the desire for love?

[Love'sReject]

Maybe there are drugs for that. Wasn't "Equilibrium" that movie about suppressing emotion? That or go Buddhist or subscribe to Stoic philosophy. Love is pretty much lack of discipline so find a teaching or religion centered about that,

[Kromat83]

With your mentality, it seems like all you want is the sex and
not the feelings attached to it .... your basically a man whore.

No respect for the woman your with, and just want the end result.

" Too many rules, sacrifices, having to change in ways one does not want to change. "
There are no rules, you can still be yourself, but you might be seeing the wrong people.
The only sacrifice your making it seems, is not being allowed to have sex with multiple women.
Your not seeing the big picture, as love can be the best thing, as it's special.

I'm currently in a relationship that i wasn't expecting, and it has
been the greatest time in my life, as i can share my emotions and
experiences that we can spend together, it makes me feel good
that someone feels the same way.

I'm a romantic at heart, so i'd rather wait for the sex, if i know it
can last, and then the sex can come naturally when we both
know that we were meant for each other.

[basilandthyme]

If you see love and relationships as being all about rules and sacrifices then its likely that you've been in the wrong relationships. Good relationships really aren't that hard. Unless of course you're a selfish SOB who hates going out of his way for anyone....which I hope isn't the case.

I suggest you look at why you view relationships in this manner. Perhaps it's your perception of relationships which needs adjusting

[phoenixcinder]

Thank you basil for not being comical or insulting with your response. Unfortunately going out of my way has always made me a target as easy prey for people to use. But that's a different subject.

Yes my perception of relationships is what I am trying to adjust. I am trying to adjust it in a way that I stop having the strong desire to be affectionate and loving with someone. Like a crystal meth addict aching for their next hit they wish they could just stop the cravings.

Love is not a need like air, food and water. Many many people survive a very happy life without ever having to love. The same way I survive without having to rail coke. Question is how do they live contently without love or loving a significant other.

[basilandthyme]

No, being used is not a different subject. It's the *reason* you don't want to love, yes? I just can't help but believe that altering your approach to love may result in a more satisfactory love life.

Thing is, there are some people who get used and abused in love. But these same people have in common insufficient boundaries and limitations as to the behaviour they will accept from a partner. Thery are also more likely to believe in 'unconditional love'. They are more likely to forgive what should be dealbreakers. They can be lacking in self esteem and not confident that they will find another, so accept second best. Does any of this apply to you?

I can't advise how to live life without love - it's not something I'd ever desire to do. But I can help you see if there's another answer.

[phoenixcinder]

I don't want love due to all its endless headaches. Being not allowed to do x but can do y. Screamed at if an action is not done a specific way, and on and on. Ironic how I ached to be n love for nearly 2 decades only to find out it is just a huge hoax brought on by the movie industry, chocolate industry and many others.

Yes I have no boundaries or limitations, any attempt to enforce either results in subtle guilt and or a fight or worse. But that's rare as I am sickingly afraid of any form of conflict so will dodge it like a plague. Used to believe in 'unconditional love', but realized that's just part of the hoax. Self esteem varies on the subject. Am confident I could find another relationship but not through the normal dating methods.

Surprisingly though with all that I still feel an endless overflow of love and affection, many would think of that as a great trait, personally I find it more of a bother than anything else.

[basilandthyme]

So, yeah. You've been doing it wrong. Do you want to discuss better ways to love? If not, I'll just leave you to it.

[ashley89]

if you find out the answer, let me know... hahaha, kidding. love is an emotion, a feeling, how can you stop a feeling? seems impossible to me

[phoenixcinder]

wrong how? (supposedly 2 words is too short)