High school sweetheart relationship of 4 years ended, having difficulty moving on...

[lolerskates]

Your obviously not ready to let go yet. All i can say is best of luck to you-your really gonna need it.

I'm still letting go every day. It's impossible for me to go cold-turkey though like I previously attempted. I've accepted that this woman shouldn't be my love interest any more, but I'll still take any love from her that she's willing to give. At least having her come see three times in the last week reminds me that I'm not alone in my loneliness. I don't care what else she has going on, but if she wants to see me occasionally then at least I know that she still thinks about me. She even still has a plan for us to move in together (that she formulated and shared with me). It's just funny because even though we are going out and looking at places to move into, and making future plans together - I have absolutely intention of moving in with this woman. Still, it makes me feel a lot better knowing that she isn't as happy without me as I initially thought she was. She tells me I'm the only guy that "does it for her", and hearing that made me feel a lot better about myself but only further cemented that I can't trust this woman and she doesn't deserve what I was offering her.

Furthermore, she's been acting really odd and even lustful towards me, which is interesting because I can't remember the last time she attempted to seduce me. She would pushily inquire about how many sexual partners I've had since I've been with her because she says it turns her on, as well as details of what I've done with other women. In fact, this has come up multiple times and she gets angry when I tell her that I'd prefer to not talk about it. The second time she pushed this question on me, I lying hinted that I've been with multiple women since her, and her mood instantly dropped from talkative to being quiet and withdrawn. In the middle of the last time we had sexual 'relations', she demanded me to tell me to tell her that "she's the best" (of the women I've been with). She was also really insistent on me choking her and beating her during intercourse. It's as if she wants to be submissive sexually, yet she's clearly dominating the direction of where things go. Does any of that stuff actually mean anything?

[michelle23]

i think what your doing now is even more destructive than the last time you were together or when you were without her. its as if you want to punish her by stringing her along as it strokes your ego. i still recommend you go cold turkey from her, feel the temporary pain and in time you willl heal. i no its hard but at the endcof it you will feel better and be able to make a better life for yourself.

stop lying about sexual partners-your just feeding her insecurities and damaging her self-esteem further. also sleeping with random people is nothing to be proud of and is just another self destructive way to stroke your ego.

the reason she is being more seductive etc is coz shes trying to suck you back in, trying to make you see what your missing if your not together but if you stay together-eventually it will just go back to the way it used to be. its a trap/trick-shes pretending to really love sex but women like her only use it to get what they want. then once they think they have you wrapped around their little finger-sex goes out the window and you back to being bored.

[smackie9]

Furthermore, she's been acting really odd and even lustful towards me, which is interesting because I can't remember the last time she attempted to seduce me. She would pushily inquire about how many sexual partners I've had since I've been with her because she says it turns her on, as well as details of what I've done with other women. In fact, this has come up multiple times and she gets angry when I tell her that I'd prefer to not talk about it. The second time she pushed this question on me, I lying hinted that I've been with multiple women since her, and her mood instantly dropped from talkative to being quiet and withdrawn. In the middle of the last time we had sexual 'relations', she demanded me to tell me to tell her that "she's the best" (of the women I've been with). She was also really insistent on me choking her and beating her during intercourse. It's as if she wants to be submissive sexually, yet she's clearly dominating the direction of where things go. Does any of that stuff actually mean anything?

This is pointing towards her wanting an open relationship possibly. It's obvious she gets turned on by you having sex with others and likes kink. This is not normal to us but are quite common types of fetishes. If this isn't your type of game, ignore her, delete her number, block all communication. BUT if you are willing to explore a different lifestyle no one can stop you....have at'er.

[lolerskates]

I did it for awhile, but I can't do it anymore. I don't know what she wants, but it isn't me. We'd still sleep together once a week on average (I'd sleep over at her place). Apparently she has a boyfriend now, which is odd considering I just slept with her little more than a week ago, and I haven't met any women in the meantime, and unless I do something different, I feel like I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life. I literally feel like there's some action I should be taking - yet I hate being a desperate, creepy person. I don't know what to do anymore.

[michelle23]

you need to cut her out of your life. shes poison and dragging you down. there are much better women in the world and i really dont know why you have put up with her for so long.

look up co-dependency, the five stages of grief, how to get over an ex, what not to do after a breakup etc.

you need to stay strong, have some willpower to stay away from her. i know its hard but you have to do it for you. shes treated you like dirt. you really need to man up and tell her to f**k off if she contacts you again.

i think counselling would really help you

[lolerskates]

you need to cut her out of your life. shes poison and dragging you down. there are much better women in the world and i really dont know why you have put up with her for so long.

look up co-dependency, the five stages of grief, how to get over an ex, what not to do after a breakup etc.

you need to stay strong, have some willpower to stay away from her. i know its hard but you have to do it for you. shes treated you like dirt. you really need to man up and tell her to f**k off if she contacts you again.

i think counselling would really help you

I don't know if I can convince myself to spend the time and money on counseling. Or if I know where to look for it. For the past weeks I keep telling myself "if she contacts me, I'm going to tell her I'm busy until she stops contacting me". But each time she contacts me, I feel happy that she did and then go out of my way to do whatever she wants me to do. I feel pathetic and terribly confused. That's what happens when the person who hurts you most is also the person you depend on the most to feel good about yourself. She would at least, most of the time, make me feel good (emotionally). But some times she would make me feel like absolutely shit (she likes to brag about how many guys wants to do X and Y for her), and then of course now she has a boyfriend.

I was hoping that I would've met at least a single woman in the past 5 months that reassures me there are more "fish in the sea", but I haven't. Why does it seem impossible to meet women? I'm 21, I'm not bad looking, tall, etc. - I don't consider myself to even be bad socially. I'm just a man without a country - I have no friend groups I belong to (especially out of high school), and I feel like I know a million people - but I just don't know any possible love interests (or even just friendships). And it kills me because If I'm having what I consider to be impossible difficulty now, it's only going to get harder from here.

I genuinely don't believe there is anything wrong with me (despite all the self-deprecation), but from a meta-standpoint - all evidence points to there being something wrong with me. Earlier in the thread I was discussing how I've temporarily dropped school and felt like shit - well, now I'm finished with my AA and I can now transfer to a 4 year college, but I just feel tired. My ambition is constantly chipped away at by the idea that no matter what I do - things will stay the same for me. Really, what's the point? Spend the next years of my life in solitude, living with my parents, studying for school with no other distractions - until I move out? Then what? Find a woman who only cares about me because of monetary value I offer them? I don't think that will make me happy either. I don't think I'd find a woman at that point either too (what's different between then and now?).


I feel like there's 'something' I'm missing to life that everyone else "gets". That 'something' is literally going to bring me to suicide. I just can't handle reality that well anymore. Even small random things are evoking strong emotions out of me - and these emotions distract me from doing school and work as well as I could. One of these nights I'm going to be finding myself getting drunk next to some train tracks. I'm tired of this phantom depression. My problems are so small, that they are incredibly ****ing big to me. And the fact that they are so small are what makes them so much bigger. To top it all off - I'm just completely and utterly envious of people in my life that appear to be happy, and at the same time intimidated by them. I'm even a little bit disgusted by happy people. Instead of feeling happy for friends when things go well for them, I feel annoyed. I don't act annoyed, but deep down, in my gut, I'm annoyed. And I feel like that has something to do with me finding it hard to associate myself with other people.

[michelle23]

geet yourself to the doctor and tell them you are depressed. ask about low cost counselling or a free support group.

nothing stays this bad forever. you cant depend on anyone else for your happieness. you need to depend on you and you cant replace her when your still hurting over her. its just another unhealthy distraction like the drink and drugs were/are.

you have to be strong and feel the pain. go with your emotions-it is temporary. you have to go through the ggrief in order to heal. its the only way.

you need to cut contact. block her from your phone, email etc. it could take anything from 6months to two years to truly get over her but youll get there if you just bite the bullet and get rid of her.

she doesnt give you your self worth, no one does. it comes from within you, knowing you deserve better and not allowing anyone to walk all over you.

i no it seems hopeless right now but in time when your ready you will meet someone else and she wont use you for your money. if that does happen though-youll see the warning signs and youll dump her and meet someone better.

you need to do some soul searching, find yourself again and your independence. widen your social circle make new friends, join new hobbies, focus on study, get a part time job. you just gotta set some goals and work towards achieving them

its baby steps

[lolerskates]

geet yourself to the doctor and tell them you are depressed. ask about low cost counselling or a free support group.

nothing stays this bad forever. you cant depend on anyone else for your happieness. you need to depend on you and you cant replace her when your still hurting over her. its just another unhealthy distraction like the drink and drugs were/are.

you have to be strong and feel the pain. go with your emotions-it is temporary. you have to go through the ggrief in order to heal. its the only way.

you need to cut contact. block her from your phone, email etc. it could take anything from 6months to two years to truly get over her but youll get there if you just bite the bullet and get rid of her.

she doesnt give you your self worth, no one does. it comes from within you, knowing you deserve better and not allowing anyone to walk all over you.

i no it seems hopeless right now but in time when your ready you will meet someone else and she wont use you for your money. if that does happen though-youll see the warning signs and youll dump her and meet someone better.

you need to do some soul searching, find yourself again and your independence. widen your social circle make new friends, join new hobbies, focus on study, get a part time job. you just gotta set some goals and work towards achieving them

its baby steps

Just to even see a doctor to even have that discussion, I fear would be pretty expensive for me (having no insurance). I've never had health insurance and haven't been to a doctor in years, and have never been to the doctor on my own. I have a part time job, it's B's family's restaurant - where she works. We don't work together, I work in a separate warehouse, more or less by myself or with at most a couple of other people and the boss. Pretty much all of my friends work there too - and immerse themselves in the restaurant's social circle - which consists of older people (25+) who do harder drugs and obviously haven't made too much progress in life if they're still working full time for a pizza restaurant.

Basically all of my problems are out there in the open for everyone to see. It has basically created a situation where everyone seems to know an awful lot about me, yet I don't even know most of these people's ****ing names.


Should I quit and find another job? I actually love the job a lot, and it's a great job while going to school, but obviously it depresses me. I feel like I'm being a wimp by not being able to get over my emotions and having to actually distance myself from everything that hurts. But really, it's just an easy part time job - I'm sure I can find others just like it.

[michelle23]

start looking for something else. your better off out of there. and away from those people who are throwing their lives down the toilet and too bored and pathetic that they feel the need to gossip about your business like a bunch of old farts.

here the doc costs €50. i doubt it would cost much to visit your gp for ten mins.

[Valixy]

You pretty much know everything by now, she is your drug and the relationship with her represents your addiction. This is destroying you but it's the only way for you to get an illusory state of connection. Then the question is, knowing all this and even wanting to do things differently, why can't you? Maybe because you don't realise just how bored you are of the same old nonsense and how much you could enjoy something new in your life and maybe because you need to work towards an internal change first before you could feel that you can really connect with the outside world without experiencing this emptyness and pain that you speak about.

Leave this woman behind once and for good - it simply is such a great oppportunity for you to begin to discover life in a different way and this will generate an internal change in yourself little by little and whatever you project outside will stop failing. Accept yourself just the way you are. There is nothing wrong with you. If you fit in the the normal picture of a well balanced individual with the whole package, happy family, happy friends and happy girlfriend, good, if you don't, so be it. Maybe you are a little bit on the lonely side of life. So what? Better to be yourself than struggling too much to fit in like many choose to do. Whoever you are as a person, there must be something that would give joy. Find that something, connect with it and start building from there. Find your passion, whatever that is and immerse yourself in it. Once that you fall in love with an aspect of life, you'll start feeling connected, you will feel joy and you will be on the right path to become a stronger happier self.

[lolerskates]

You people make it sound like just by living my life the best I can, women will come with it. But my 21 years of experience on this planet is testament to the exact OPPOSITE of that. I know people with a lot less "passion" for hobbies and life in general, but have nothing but an abundance of people surrounding them. I have B cut out of my life now, but aside from that, I don't know what to do differently. I have hobbies, interests, and things outside of my sad pining. I've spent my whole life working on myself and self interests, even during the relationship, but I'm tired of it. The idea that I have to spend six hours at work, just so I can speak to a doctor so he can recommend me something else that costs more money - doesn't look like an interesting option either.

There are lots of aspects of life that I love - but that doesn't connect me to anyone. If anything, all the things I love separate me from other people, because they typically aren't the same thing that everyone else loves. I just can't find anyone out there who loves the same things as me. I can't change myself internally. I am who I am.

But I can't do this loneliness shit for the next years of my life. Furthermore, If I don't foresee any tangible results from my effort towards meeting people, I'm not going to make that effort. Having passions in things isn't going to bring me closer to anymore. If anything, those same passions have disconnected me from everyone else (all I have are my hobbies and my depression), because I've spent all that time on my passions and not meeting new people.


And again, I really appreciate the advice, support, words, etc. It means the absolute world to me. I just feel like I'm stuck in a loop. Sitting here and wallowing in my emotions perpetuates my depression, and bottling it up is just that - bottling it up. I want to bottle it up and move forward, but bottling it up is just going to make things worse.

[michelle23]

You should widen your social circle and make new friends. However, dont try to meet a gf. Your not in a good place emotionally right now. You need to heal first.

[smackie9]

Does coming here to talk about it help any? maybe that is all you need...to just be a part of our little community, maybe share some nice words with another broken heart. That can be good therapy too.

[lolerskates]

Does coming here to talk about it help any? maybe that is all you need...to just be a part of our little community, maybe share some nice words with another broken heart. That can be good therapy too.

I enjoy coming here (very nice people and all), but I don't really have much experience to offer, just a bitter viewpoint on my experience with women. This is pretty much my only outlet of frustration on the whole situation - none of this I've ever shared with anyone.

I don't really know how to widen my social circle without at the same time bringing myself to having potentially work with B (though I could likely ask her mom, who schedules the shifts, to keep me away) - and I'm not having much luck job hunting (at least for a job that I'd consider a step up from my current situation). The whole job dynamic complicates this.

- I have good friends who already work at in catering/restauraunt side of the business, all whom assured me that I fit in with them fine (where B doesn't quite really, so it's not that big of a deal on my part)
- My little brother works there too and likes his job there, they even made an exception hiring him, and I'm worried they'd start giving him a hard time if I left
- My bosses typically treat me very well

The only downside is B will be in my close proximity, which is potentially depressing (but I could get over).


But it's pretty hard to get over when the shit between us is virtually never ending. It couldn't be any better described than an awful addiction. It just kills me because she seems to be addicted to it too (some aspect of this). We have probably the most insane relationship. When she told me she had a boyfriend a few days back when she posted, I more or less told her some of the meanest things I've told someone (that she's a dumb sl*t who's lost her dignity and self-respect with her loosey-goosey behavior and insane amounts of manipulation that only I seem to be capable of noticing). I got her mad enough that she told me I should kill myself, which is probably the meanest thing she's said to me. But to be fair, she woke me up in the morning and invited me out on a picnic, just to tell me she has a boyfriend half-way there and how it's some older guy in the military.

Yet just now, probably not even 2 weeks since we last slept together, she's begging me to sleep over at her house so she can make things up to me. After 4 months of being broken up - it's apparent craves my attention whether I'm in a relationship or not. It's pretty ****ing hard to say no to the comfort of going back to a begging ex. Especially when she knows me so well. I'm going to spend the night there tonight and see what she has to say.

[smackie9]

I wrote her off for the tenth time today
And practice all the things I would say
But she came over
I lost my nerve
I took her back and made her dessert
Now I know I'm being used
That's okay man cause I like the abuse
I know she's playing with me
That's okay cause I got no self esteem

We make plans to go out at night
I wait till 2 then I turn out the light
All this rejection's got me so low
If she keeps it up I just might tell her so

When she's saying that she wants only me
Then I wonder why she sleeps with my friends
When she's saying that I'm like a disease
Then I wonder how much more I can spend
Well I guess I should stick up for myself
But I really think it's better this way
The more you suffer
The more it shows you really care
Right? Yeah yeah yeah

Now I'll relate this little bit
That happens more than I'd like to admit
Late at night she knocks on my door
Drunk again and looking to score
Now I know I should say no
But that's kind of hard when she's ready to go
I may be dumb
But I'm not a dweeb
I'm just a sucker with no self esteem