Is he cheating on me?

[confusedisme1]

Ok, So my partner and I have been together for 8 years and have a family together.
There has been some pretty crappy stuff go on lately and im not sure what to do.
I went on to his Facebook to see a message from a girl at his work who is Married with no kids.

She wrote a message saying " I would love to kiss you" and "dont you see how i look at you at work".

I was so angry and spoke to my partner who claims he knows nothing about and that he had given his log in details to another guy at work and that the message was for him? Believable?

I let that go and believed him.

I than found him sitting in HER car at an oval around the corner from out house at 2:30am. He apologized for this and said he was in the wrong and i had every right to be angry but nothing happened. He said they parked there because he was hoping i would fall asleep and not see her drop him home??
Since than, he deletes messages he has with her at work daily. He says they are for work but who knows hey?

The last 3 weekends he has made contact with her..... He says the last messages was he asked if she was having fun at a party. I dont know what to do or if that is true. . I really dont. Im confused.
He gets a lift home every night from work. A few times over the past two weeks he has been getting dropped off and walking the rest of the way. He reckons that this other guys wife goes to this house around the corner and he walks from there. But how often would they go there seriously? Now that i think of that, i think its a load of crap.
I would really love some advice.
How do i know for sure whats going on? I need to know. I dont want to live in a lie. I also dont want to throw our relationship away if nothing is going on.

Help me please

[HeartIsAching]

Yes. He's cheating on you... or at least wants to.

[yoyobabe01]

I was the "other girl" with a taken guy for 7 months and those are the exact types of things he would text me, but he is really good at lying and his girlfriend is very naive which probably doesn't help. I told her and she still doesn't believe me.

[searock]

Yes, he's cheating on you. You already gave him an opportunity to come clean but he wasted it, he kept lying to you. I think you should dump him, don't stay together just for the kids, it's better to grow up in a happy environment with separated parents than an environment in which parents fight and hate each other (that's what it will turn into if you stay with him any longer).

[bcgirl]

I used to cheat on my ex. From a cheaters point of view, without a question of a doubt he is cheating. When I used to cheat, those are the excuses I would make. Remember, cheaters are masters at manipulation and deception. They have already played out the scenario in their minds of what to say to you when they are accused. They are able to make their lies believable and have the ability to twist it so that its somehow your fault for even thinking such things.
For you, I know it's human nature to want to so badly believe the lies he is feeding you. It's your defence mechanism to shield you from hurt and trauma. But trust your intuition it often is always right.
Maybe you should higher a private investigator and catch him totally red handed (if that's what you need for closure) and go ahead with a divorce

[yoyobabe01]

I used to cheat on my ex. From a cheaters point of view, without a question of a doubt he is cheating. When I used to cheat, those are the excuses I would make. Remember, cheaters are masters at manipulation and deception. They have already played out the scenario in their minds of what to say to you when they are accused. They are able to make their lies believable and have the ability to twist it so that its somehow your fault for even thinking such things.
For you, I know it's human nature to want to so badly believe the lies he is feeding you. It's your defence mechanism to shield you from hurt and trauma. But trust your intuition it often is always right.
Maybe you should higher a private investigator and catch him totally red handed (if that's what you need for closure) and go ahead with a divorce

@bcgirl you may hate me based on my long thread that you had commented on before, but you are right on. The guy I accused of, he then accused me of slander and is a master of lying and manipulation to keep the girl in his life when he wants.

[smackie9]

You want to nail him hard? Get some software that will record his pw, and any other activity he does on the computer. Now start looking. Check that cel phone bill and see who he has been texting and credit card bill, and banking statements to see if you can find where lunches were bought or hotels that were used. If you have some dough hire a private investigator. Once you have all the evidence you need, hire yourself a divorce lawyer and have papers served to your husband.

If you have damning evidence I wouldn't bother confronting him, just pack a bag for him and leave it outside at the front door and have the locks changed on the house.

[smackie9]

@bcgirl you may hate me based on my long thread that you had commented on before, but you are right on. The guy I accused of, he then accused me of slander and is a master of lying and manipulation to keep the girl in his life when he wants.

He is not a master at lying, he just had no problem finding stupid girls.

[bcgirl]

@bcgirl you may hate me based on my long thread that you had commented on before, but you are right on. The guy I accused of, he then accused me of slander and is a master of lying and manipulation to keep the girl in his life when he wants.

Yoyo, you did it in the wrong way. Of course he will make you seem like the fool. In the end, he came out more on top and you became the laughing stalk of the neighbourhood. If u wanted your point made you'd have a better chance of : leaving Behind a female condom wrapper where he wouldn't find before she does and some dirty female panties or something when u fu(ked him in her bed, then write her on FB with an anonymous person and say something along the lines of forgetting your panties at her place while fu(king her bf on her bed with a "by the way, your baby blue bed sheets with gold trimmings are very nice, where did u get it?"

[Wakeup]

I was the "other girl" with a taken guy for 7 months and those are the exact types of things he would text me, but he is really good at lying and his girlfriend is very naive which probably doesn't help. I told her and she still doesn't believe me.

^^^ Give it up for gawd sakes!

There has been some pretty crappy stuff go on lately and im not sure what to do.

@ OP: The very fact that she sent that type of email to him and he didn't shut her down is a bad sign. If I were you I'd tell him what you would like to see happen that would make you less suspicious and him less shady. I would tell him to stop getting a ride with her and then I would have a nice convo about how disrespectful she is to your marriage and ask him why he is allowing that disrespect. Then I'd listen to his explanation and watch to see if he values your relationship enough to shut down this whole risky business he's gotten himself into.

Keep in mind that just because BCgirl used to cheat and that's the excuses she used, it doesn't mean that your guy has cheated in the physical sense, but I do think that he could be well on his way to becoming emotionally attached to her (if he hasn't yet cheated). Get to the bottom of it, don't just let it ride... If he won't stop the rides and after work emailing/chatting, well then ... *shrugs* 8 years and a family together is a lot to throw away. You might want to mention that to him if he's not open and willing, along with yourself, to fix whats missing at the home front.

I was so angry and spoke to my partner who claims he knows nothing about and that he had given his log in details to another guy at work and that the message was for him? Believable

This is just lame. pffft. Why on earth would another guy at work need his log in info? Shady.

[Rowen]

Since than, he deletes messages he has with her at work daily.

If you REALLY suspect something and think he's lying, why don't you get a print-out of all his messages to that number, assuming it's a cell phone. You can do that, you know...All you have to do, if I'm not mistaken, is go to the cellular provider and request it.

Now, I only suggest this because my nose may be clogged up with a cold, but I still smell fish... And something is definitely fishy right here. I would be suspicious too.
Hope this helps.

[HeartIsAching]

If you REALLY suspect something and think he's lying, why don't you get a print-out of all his messages to that number, assuming it's a cell phone. You can do that, you know...All you have to do, if I'm not mistaken, is go to the cellular provider and request it.

Only if she's the account holder.