Mixed Signals, Slightly Confused

[Birdy]

Like many post this post need a tiny bit of explain before i can then explain the problem.

I started seeing this girl that i do a bit of volunteer work with most weekends, this started before christmas and everything was going well,
both of us making it obvious that we like each other and get on really well. we had the odd few days where we didn't speak but i thought that
was normal (Im not one for chasing, if they other person wants to be in a mood and not speak to me ill let them). We both went back to Uni and knew that we would get busy from time to time but said we would still have time to chat and if we can see each other outside of the volunteer work.

In the last few weeks of January she became every blunt and sometimes not even talkative at all but i put it down uni work as i myself was also
spending hours studying (i put this down as the reason as the first week as before even when we were at uni we would still chat like mad when we had the time so i thought as the term was going on she was getting more busier) I then saw her when volunteering and she was really down, to what i find out her ex had started to speak to her after not wanting to have anything to do with her (hes currently in another country and will be for a few years)
That some what annoyed me as we were so close we would tell each other most things, but i found out from another person that i volunteer with.
Having the attitude that i have i turned round to her and said that i would be there for her if she needs me. She was still being blunt and all... Now here comes the confusing part. I sent her a message last Monday saying im here if you need me and felt that id wait for her to get in contact with me as i was fed up of the bluntness. Not hearing from her at all in the week. Today at volunteering she walks up behind me and gives me a hug, then asks why i have been in a mood, not messaging her!
I just turned around and siad that i felt from the way she was texting me that she need some space and that i was bothering her otherwise. This kind of put me back into thinking things maybe be okay and i was worrying over nothing BUT Later she starts saying how she's trying to save up to go to the country her ex is and talking about him! I would find this okay if we were friends and i was there to talk about it friend to friend but the fact that we both admitted/showed liking each other, it makes me think why is she telling me this, Is she trying to make me jealous? Get a reaction?

I wouldn't be bothered but I've found that we have both really fallen for each other and her friends tell me she's really in to me. but the above really makes me feel second best, a tiny bit weary and confused? I just dont know what to do really?

[LoveDocJon]

Your instinct to pull back and not get in touch with her was on the dot. When girls aren't acting the way they usually are towards you, you need to give pull back and cut the amount of time you are talking to them and spending with her. The number one complaint from women is that men take things too fast. That is why men should take it slow and pull away when you notice her interest level dropping. This also works when you are doing things wrong, which is why she changed and what you were doing in the first place. Stick with only phone calls to set up dates. No texting or calling just to talk. Call her after every date in five to nine days. No more and no less. On that phone call, set up a day, place and time and be specific. Then hang up.

Your story is a little vague and hard to understand, so if you want more help send me a PM.

[smackie9]

Dude you were friend zoned. This is a mistake many guys make...sometime they don't even know they are in the zone. Well this just proves it....she only sees you as a friend.

[smackie9]

To add you had a whole 2 months to ask her out on a date, but all you did was chat. Thumbs down. I say you probably put yourself in the zone.

[Birdy]

I have to agree with LoveDocJohn And Disagree with you Smackie9 due to knowing im not friend zoned as i dont think friends would be getting off with each other when meeting up every time... as well when talking to her friends Ive been told she was talking about a possible relationship but didn't want to rush in to things. What i also found out since her ex had been messaging her.... She had also stopped speaking to her friends until sunday.. Where it also seemed that she was back to her normal self with me... but i just kept myself pulled back from it all, as im not the sort of person who chases someone or runs back straight away.

[smackie9]

That's fine....lets see how it goes then.

[michelle23]

I think she still has feelings for her ex and it is not a good idea to start anything with her or you will just be her rebound and you will get hurt. You can be her friend-that's fine. Talk to her while you are both volunteering but other than that stay away from her and stop texting her. There is no point if she is planning to move away to be with her ex again.