Online boyfriend and relationships

[gloria_14r]

I met this guy online at yahoo and at the very first day he started liking me. Even though we had a webcam conversation and seen him and his pics, I wanted to take it slow, but he always said he loved me and would wait for me. The way he acted for the first few days, calling often, texting me saying he misses me all that really moved my heart. And i finally started falling for him. Initially we used to chat a lot and daily see each other on cam. I sometimes used to not pick his calls as i work from home and always be surrounded by family. One day he had a friends night out, so we had no evening web cam chat together, so wen we met next day morning I told him casually i had a good sleep last night...he might have felt little bad, but still we had web cam conversation like we used to everyday. And soon after the chat he said he was hungry and also needed to go somewhere. I ddint know but i felt little bad the way he rushed and ended the chat that day. I texted him and called him that evening many times but he neither did answer my calls nor returned. I really was worried and he didnt return my calls until the next noon when he was online from work. When i asked him about his not answering my calls he just simply said he slept for 15 hours and had a good sleep. And he also said that his cousin is going to stay at his place for a while and we would nt be able to chat like before on cam. So daily we used to chat online when he was at work and he also started not calling me or texting me much like he was before when we met. I could not understand his behaviour and one day sent him text saying that i didnt want to continue the relationship like this and want to end. He didnt come back that day but the next day he came online at work and said that he was being blackmailed by his neighbour woman to sleep with him. And that has been happening for more than 6 months then and he could nt say no to her as she threatened him that he was the one who was blackmailing her. I just got really confused with his story and broke up with him, but he kept calling and messaging for three continuous days and also said he was not keeping well. I gave him a chance to be in my life again and i dont knwo i did the right thing then. Ofcourse we never had web cam conversation since then and he still does nt call me or message me, its just online chat daily. In between i again stopped chatting him and tried to get away coz he was pushy on having physical relationship when we meet for the first time. But he came back promising that he would nt touch me until i wanted and want to meet me anyway like decided. Its been 3 months now and in 2 weeks he is gonna be at my place to see me. I dont know if i am making the right decision to meet him or even him to be in my life. I just need somebodys advice whethere or not its good to meet him personally. He also many a times said that he sees me as his soul mate and if everything goes well ...will introducec me to his family and also get engaged to me. I dont know wat to believe or not, but i reallyy need some big adivce which helps me figure out things. Thanks in advance.

[michelle23]

You should cut all contact with him now. Stay away from him and block him from your phone, email, FB etc. Just get rid of him. I hope you did not give him your address? He sounds dodgy to me and you should not trust him at all. He is coming on way too strong and it is a red flag. You have not met in person yet and hes already saying he loves you, he wants a future, he will propose. He is only saying all that to get you into bed and he means none of it.

Also his ridiculous story about the neighbor is not true. I wouldn't believe that at all. Next he will be asking you to send him money. He is either a con artist or a player.. And why would his cousin being there make him unable to talk to you? That does not make sense.

I recommend you stay away from him and stop all the online dating etc. Meet someone near you that you can suss out properly. You could meet anyone over the internet. It is dangerous.

[gloria_14r]

Thanks Michelle for ur prompt reply and the advice. Yes I shoudl go with my gut feeling and trust my instincts rather thinking too much about it. No I have nt shared him any address, except few pics of mine. I have blocked him everywhere and I now feel this is the right thing which I shld have done long back. thanks again for ur help!

[michelle23]

No problem. Always follow your instincts

[Boisdevie]

I met this guy online at yahoo and at the very first day he started liking me.

Did you not even so slightly think that was a bit how shall we say 'bloody loony'? Here's a tip. Try meeting people here in what some of us refer to as 'the real world'. Try it. You might find is surprisingly pleasant instead of all this online bullshi.ttery.

[m8check]

Seems like he is not someone to be trusted. You better cut all contacts before you fall more deeply.

[Rowen]

Did you not even so slightly think that was a bit how shall we say 'bloody loony'? Here's a tip. Try meeting people here in what some of us refer to as 'the real world'. Try it. You might find is surprisingly pleasant instead of all this online bullshi.ttery.

^ Okay, to be honest, I've never met someone in "the real world" other than one guy I kept as a friend, but I have semi-good reason due to sexuality. Regardless, if it was easier to find someone in real life, I would drop the dating site I'm on. But I agree with this; you have to be VERY careful with whoever you meet online.


Anyway, back to the original topic, your situation reminds me of my first boyfriend ever... That was an extremely dark period of my life, which I'm not proud of, especially because I was very depressed and lonely. I let that influence the type of guy I dated. I settled. It was late on a chatroom one night (and ever since I've not been to another chatroom), and a guy named Chris started talking to me. I gave him my number after he pressured me into being his boyfriend for the twenty minutes we spent talking. After only a few text messages, he told me he was in love with me. I knew he wasn't, that I found a bad guy to date, but I stayed for a week. It only ended because he kept asking me to marry him and wasn't taking no for an answer. When I tried to just leave him as a friend, he revealed that it didn't matter to him- that he had a male harem of three other guys. I tell you this not to make you feel bad; I don't even care that it happened anymore. I tell you because I have good reason to believe you need to cut this guy out of your life.

By the style of your typing, I can tell that you're younger (probably late teens). Because of that, listen very carefully... You have your entire life ahead of you. There are so many decent men who know how to treat a woman out there. It's all a matter of finding them. If you have low self esteem/confidence like I do (and did), I will tell you that it gets better. Don't throw it all away wishing on a star that this guy is the one. He isn't. You're young, and while I am young too, what you're describing sounds like your personal infatuation. It's nothing to feel heated about; someone shows you enough attention and you talk for so long, flirting, that it feels like you're on top of the world. Sooner or later, though, that wears off, and you wonder what it was you ever saw in that person.

Three months is not much time...not enough to say "I love you" and especially not enough to talk of marriage. Nine times out of ten, this guy is doing this same exact thing to another girl. I know it hurts to hear, but there are boys out there like this who make others feel special until it's revealed that they never cared at all. If you let yourself get drawn into this, you're only torturing yourself.
Meet a nice guy who respects you and your space enough not to push for a physical relationship and not jump the gun with the word love. Be careful with that word. It has made hearts and broken them... Don't let that word break you.
I know it may be tough to believe, but there ARE guys out there who are decent and trustworthy. Believe me; I found one and have been trying to put together a relationship with him.

Ask yourself what you'd like more: Someone who will pressure you and rush everything OR someone who starts nice and slow because they want to get to know you, someone who respects your mind and your heart. I'm willing to bet you won't want the first one. This guy's story sounds so distorted it reads like a really bad television drama. I got news for you, at that; stay away from drama. It isn't your friend, and it will only lead you into trouble. Instead, focus on your own life. Spend time with friends and family. Better yourself in academics and just do things that you love. In the end, someone who will treat you right and stays out of drama will walk your way. When that happens, you'll look back on this situation and laugh.

At the same time, if you insist on still doing the online thing, I would be very wary about giving out personal information. While I usually give out my mobile number to guys from online dating (and used to give it in chatrooms), there is an app for smartphones which works brilliantly for getting rid of numbers who insist on keeping contact. It's free and called Mr. NumberBlocker. You can block phone calls and text messages. If I were you, I would also never meet anyone privately...always in a public setting- somewhere with tons of people. Nevertheless, I would try finding someone in real life, but the choice is yours.

Either way, I'd prefer it if you tried to be as safe as you can, even if that means taking pepper spray and/or a personal siren along when you meet someone for the first time.

[Boisdevie]

I gave him my number after he pressured me into being his boyfriend for the twenty minutes we spent talking.

I don't ususally do text speak but seriously? LOL.

[gloria_14r]

Thanks Rowen, for not only sharing ur experience with online guys but also the way you understood my situation there and gave me the best possible advice. The time and the day I met him was not good for me, I was bit low and looking for a way to talk to some one other than friends and family. I didnt fall for him wat he said on the first day, but the way he tried to give me attention made me melt for him. Anyways I tried to get away from him many times and failed coz his emails and words sounded sweet and alluring. But Inside I know he was not and would never be right for me. Yes u are right instead falling for his trap, I rather cut all the contacts and hope to find the better guy for me - someone honest, trustworty and real.

Thanks to u and michelle, whose wonderful, motivating advice helped me to believe myself and my instincts instead tursting somebody who's just mean and trying to take advantage of me. I, now, cut all the contacts with him and looking forward to meet the real one

[Rowen]

I don't ususally do text speak but seriously? LOL.

Yes, seriously, though I'm not proud of it, looking back... I told you that it was a dark period of my life. :S Honestly, I never would have done it if (my guess) I didn't have some sort of twisted, subconscious need to be let down at that point... I plead the fifth as to the level of how twisted the workings of my brain have been in the past... >.>

Now, to the OP:
I'm glad everyone could help you. If you ever need to talk (though I realize how absolutely creepy and awkward I sound saying this lol), you can PM me if you wish. I hope all goes well for you in your future endeavors.

[gloria_14r]

Thats so nice of you Rowen, thanks for that.