His family hates me....

[jlyhu]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 8 months, and so far, the relationship has been beautiful. We never fight or argue, and we are deeply in love and planning our wedding for next year.

However, recently, his family heard a rumor that I cheated on a previous boyfriend (this is absolutely, entirely untrue). They hate me now, and they have completely broken up our relationship. He works for his father, and he hopes to one day inherit the company. He lives in a house on their property that they pay for, and they even pay his cell phone bill. After a month of them calling him and trying to get him to break up with me, his grandmother had a medical emergency. His mother didn't even bother to call him and tell him. He was so hurt and heartbroken over it, and he broke off all contact with me over this.

I don't know what to do. I haven't done anything wrong, and I would do anything to make this right and fix things with his family and with him. I have tried to call and text, but he won't answer, and his sister has recently contacting me demanding that I stop texting him because she says it's just making him angry with me.

The girl who originally started the rumor admitted that she was mistaken, and she told his sister. However, this has not made the situation any better. I feel like I'm completely at a loss. I have planned an entire life with him, and now everything is crashing and burning around me.

How can I make this better? Should I keep texting him, or just stop like his sister says? Should I fly home to see him? (I'm currently out of town for school.) What can I do to figure this out and make things right again?

[bearz]

His parents are way too controlling, have the two ever talked about that before he broke off contact with you?

[tassy]

I am so sorry that this has happened to you. I agree with Bearz his family seem to be very 'involved' in his life, too much so IMO. Is he young? If so maybe there is still time for him to grow up and work things out for himself and it will be up to you if you choose to wait around and see if that happens. I think there may have been a bit (or a lot) of "you are chosing her over your own family" he may have got sick of hearing it and instead of telling them that you too are his family now he chose have to walk away. Maybe him not contacting you or replying to you is because he feels ashamed that he is not mature enough to tell his family to mind their own business, maybe he is hanging in to get his hands on their business and if thats the case darlin he is not worth it IMO cos if he can choose money and his controlling family over love then he is going to be very lonely indeed or unless mummy or sister finds someone they approve of for him to be with. It is very sad for you and unfair however best you find out now how much of a hold his family has over him rather than after you were married, goodness me imagine that!!! Take care of you as he is taking care of him i think he is doing whatever is the easiest thing for him to do, i am not saying that he wouldnt be sad himself cos with what you shared in your post i have no doubt he will be missing you too, But it's not easy being with you due to his family and him not having enough balls to stand up to them. So you and him both lose out, however he may get that business now cos he is being a good boy, go on with your own life there is someone wonderful out there who will walk away from everything and everyone if they had to have you in their lives. Good luck xx

[ashley89]

this is ridiculous. first of all, even if you DID cheat on a boyfriend in the past, what business is it of theirs? the fact that it was a made up rumor makes it even more unbelievable. they are super controlling, I don't know how old you guys are but it's a little odd that they would even be this involved in his romantic life. if he is going to up and leave you and not talk to you over something like this, maybe you lucked out.

[Rowen]

I know it hurts, but he has to meet you halfway. You can't appeal to his family if he won't grow a backbone and trust you and stand up to him. If he can't be a man on his own, he can't be a man for you, and your relationship will fail. So, before you blame yourself, think about what kind of character that he has that he can't stand up to someone like that for you. If he can't stand up to his family and say enough is enough, you don't want him.

My brother went through this with his girlfriend... We've had good reason for not liking her, mainly because of how she treats my brother, but he in the end stood up to us and said what we're doing to her is unfair. That we need to accept his choice in a woman. So, from then on, we've been civil to her and accepting, inviting her to dinners and things like that. My point is he grew a backbone and your guy should too.

[jlyhu]

I am so sorry that this has happened to you. I agree with Bearz his family seem to be very 'involved' in his life, too much so IMO. Is he young? If so maybe there is still time for him to grow up and work things out for himself and it will be up to you if you choose to wait around and see if that happens. I think there may have been a bit (or a lot) of "you are chosing her over your own family" he may have got sick of hearing it and instead of telling them that you too are his family now he chose have to walk away. Maybe him not contacting you or replying to you is because he feels ashamed that he is not mature enough to tell his family to mind their own business, maybe he is hanging in to get his hands on their business and if thats the case darlin he is not worth it IMO cos if he can choose money and his controlling family over love then he is going to be very lonely indeed or unless mummy or sister finds someone they approve of for him to be with. It is very sad for you and unfair however best you find out now how much of a hold his family has over him rather than after you were married, goodness me imagine that!!! Take care of you as he is taking care of him i think he is doing whatever is the easiest thing for him to do, i am not saying that he wouldnt be sad himself cos with what you shared in your post i have no doubt he will be missing you too, But it's not easy being with you due to his family and him not having enough balls to stand up to them. So you and him both lose out, however he may get that business now cos he is being a good boy, go on with your own life there is someone wonderful out there who will walk away from everything and everyone if they had to have you in their lives. Good luck xx

This is the single most helpful thing anybody has told me so far. I want to think of him as the amazing, giving, loving, devoted man I've been in love with for the last 8 months, but you're right, if he loved me like that, he should be willing to walk away from anything to be with me. God knows I would have, and I did. I turned down a number of wonderful job opportunities in order to make our life together work. I just feel like it's so unfair that he won't even speak to me, or give me any clarity or closure in all of this.

[HeartIsAching]

Yep... his parents are controlling...

but he's allowing himself to be controlled. In effect, he's made the choice - money, housing and future business ownership over you. That sucks, but now you know what kind of man he is. You wouldn't really want to be with a spineless jerk, would you? You're better off in the long run.

[tassy]

This is the single most helpful thing anybody has told me so far. I want to think of him as the amazing, giving, loving, devoted man I've been in love with for the last 8 months, but you're right, if he loved me like that, he should be willing to walk away from anything to be with me. God knows I would have, and I did. I turned down a number of wonderful job opportunities in order to make our life together work. I just feel like it's so unfair that he won't even speak to me, or give me any clarity or closure in all of this.

You keep thinking of him that way, I dont think there is anything wrong with that, 8 months is a long time. Be thankful for the time you had together but also be thankful for finding out what you have now rather than later. Yes it is very unfair and it sucks when you cant get answers that you think you really need to move on, but darlin in my opinion you already have all the answers that you really need (and are probably going to get) from his actions. It is very sad for you and I dont have any real advice to offer you to help heal your heartache, time? I know that sucks. Try distracting yourself watch something funny, listen to songs that empower you, exercise, cry lots then shake it off and move! Dance, walk, I dont know really it's all stuff that I'm trying and to tell you the truth dancing around like a fool is helping (sometimes) I wish you love, peace and happiness.

[michelle23]

You are probably better off without him. If his parents are this bad now-imagine what they will be like when your married. Any parent who is that obsessed with their child will make the inlaws life a living hell.

Also it sounds like your bf has been moddycoddled all his life, no responsibility, no independence-without his family he would be nothing. That is not your fault or his. He is the product of overbearing smothering parents and he doesnt no any better.