At a crossroad - Need advice

[Ezio546]

Soo... Ive reached a point in my life where I really feel like im at a crossroad – and im not really sure what to do, considering the decisions im about to make could shape me in the years to come..These things are topics ive been thinking a lot about lately, but ive been unable to find a suitable solution to my problem.. and thus I turn to you, great internet in hope of help and advice

WARNING: Very long post inc, summary at the bottom.

So here we go.

Lets get the basics out of the way.. Im 21 year old virgin. Back when I was 14-15 and everyone was getting interested in sex,love and all that I just didnt.. It wasnt until very recently I got interested in sex/love/relationships, but we´ll get back to that later. When I was 16 I was still not interested in sex and not even girls in general. I had quite a few other interests to keep me occupied (Videogames,gymnastics,politics) and ive always been that guy who, once he found something that would grab his attention, he just couldnt let go if it. So naturally, sex just didnt come in to my life, considering I was busy persuing my hobbies elsewhere. I always got fine grades, went to partiet, got drunk etc etc average teen life so my parent didnt bug me and I actually had/have a really great relationship to them..

Then towards the end of my boarding school(still 16) I met this girl.. and it was weird. We never really talked much, but I just felt a connection. A strong one. It wasnt lust, she wasnt that good looking, but I wanted to get to know her and be with her, the sex part still didnt really interest me that much, but she did. This was towards the end of boarding school though, so before I could really make a move, it was over. She vanished from my life as fast as she had appeared...

I then went on to high-school and for the next 3-4 years I was kicking myself a little for not really doing more. Needless to say, my hobbies took over again and I went back to my old ways through high-school where I graduated top of my class(not cause im smart, the rest were just lazy) while being part of a political youth party and doing gymnastics/running on the sidelines.

As you can imagine, while some of my friends were out there, losing their innocence I was either training, studying or working on my political project. I still attended parties and went clubbing, but since I was never really looking for anyone while doing it, nothing happened. In retrospect I think I might actually have been hit on once or twice without even noticing it, only just realizing this now >.> I remember a particular case where I was out with friends after celebrating a big exam where we had gotten a high grade on a group project. A girl I knew from elsewhere(career-networking event) spotted me and chatted me up about it. A while in, she kissed me, but it took me by surprise and I didnt really return it. Later that evening she tried chatting me up again, but I blew her off – Not even realizing what her real motives probably were(Yea, I was that innocent). Never saw her again.

Anyways.. I graduated high-school and went on to university.. surprise, the girl from earlier, (my first love, the one from boarding school) also attended the same University. Naturally, I wasnt gonna make the same mistake again and eventually found a way to approach her, still feeling that connection.. and in truth, I had been beating myself up for not doing more about it when I had the chance. Now I had another and I wasnt gonna let it slip.

We started texting and turns out she wasnt what I had imagined at all. The cute crush I had imagined was replaced by a... well, for lack of a better word non-selfrespecting slut <.< She was apparently promiscuous, nothing wrong with that at all, but I hadnt seen that one coming. Thought she was as innocent as me. Eventually we attended the same party at the local university and there I found her making out with some other guy. Believing we had something, this obviously changed me quite a lot.

Having usually had succes with everything in life up to this point I felt.. weird. Not sure how to describe it, but I changed. I got interested in what I had done wrong(which I think in retrospect was not making a move quick enough).. and started reading up on various dating sites and books to find out where I had gone wrong, surely I had made some minor mistake?

And ooooooh boy.. Was I in for a rude awakening. After reading all the PUA forums, gaming-books and scientific articles on love and attraction I was stunned. A whole new world I had never even considered oppened up to me.. and I was shocked. I suddenly felt that there was hundreds of things I didnt know that I SHOULD know at this point.. and it all led back to one question.. why was I still a virgin? when I had friends who were fat, living at their parents place, not working or studying who werent, while I was in shape, working, studying and building a strong career? Why was I still a virgin? Cause I hadnt devoted time to girls at all. I had blatently ignored the ones who had been interested while waiting for some dream chick in my mind who turned out to be.. well, something else.

I felt like a massive train had left and I hadnt been on it. All my friends had gotten on in time while I didnt even notice it was there. Deciding to not go through the same mistakes I had made with the girl of my dreams again, I did what seemed most logical.. I started practicing. Talking to girls, watching PUA-artists etc and it worked.. to some extend. I managed to make 2 or 3 girls interested in me, but I were never really interested in them and thus I always held myself back, not going futher than first base. I managed to piss off a chick or 2 in the process though.

I was slowly making progress, learning stuff when I one day meet a random stranger on an internet-chat forum. Surprise, it was a girl and she wanted to chat.. I viewed this as the perfect opportunity to practice making conversation.. and guess what? It worked. She asked for my mail and we kept chatting back and forward.. Still do. After a while she confessed that she really liked me and wanted to hook up, turns out she was a virgin too. The problem? She lives in the states and I live in Switzerland.. yea. She got me into an LDR and I honestly agreed because I really liked her personality. We shared many of the same interests and she just seems to understand me somehow. After throwing more than 10.000 messages across skype,MSN,YAHOO and Facebook she asked me if I wanted to commit to it and wait, then come join her in the states(as Ive alwasy wanted to live in the US) when I was done with my education.

So here I am.. 21 years old, virgin, only just getting into the whole love/sex/relationship thingie and stuck in a LDR. Truth is I really like this girl and I would love to date her, but I cant because of the distance. Meanwhile I also acknowledge that I have a lot to learn and ive recently found out that ive gotten a real interest in intimate business.. I want to try sex and many different kinds and with different people, because I dont want to miss out on one of lifes greatest pleasures. In 20 years I think I will be sad and dissapointed if I ended up ”wasting” my youth when I knew there was all these great experiences out there and I said no to all of them.

So to sum it up.. im rather well trained, not in muscles but in shape. Planning on running a marathon at some point and I regularly run 10s and 20s, im closer to slim than I am to beeing buff, though. My confidence is high and im not afraid to approah or talk to women/girls, but I also know that I still have quite a few things to learn before im a real charmer. My social skills arent horrible, but they arent great either. I especially have problems with breaking the touch barrier, but ofcause I am willing to work on that.

And thus I reach the crossroad...

Should I keep going out there, trying to meet new girls, hook up with that and let myself go? Should I acknowledge my in-experience do something about it while there´s still time? Meeting new girls my age isnt a problem for me, considering university and my political work.

Or should I drop it, stay in this LDR with this girl I actually really like and go back to my old ways or working on my career and sports?

I honestly dont know.. it feels safe and ”right” to stay with this girl in the LDR, but at the same time I dont want to miss out on what could be the time of my life.

TLDR:Im a virgin in a LDR which could take years, should I drop it and find another girl to experience sex or should I stay and have nothing happen atleast another year?

Lay em on me, internet. Im open to any advice/tips/whatever

Thanks in advance.

[michelle23]

I think you should get out of the LDR to be honest. The distance is too far and I think your wasting your time. I'm not a big fan of people who want to sleep around and have sex with lots of random people for the sake of it. I think sex is much better when you have a strong emotional connection with someone and care for each other.

Its your choice obviously but I think the only reason you want to bang lots of random chicks is coz your insecure and want to prove something to yourself or others. All it will say about you is that you have no self respect or integrity.

It all depends on what you value and what is important to you. Relationship vs one night stands.

[FlaCooln]

I would tell her how you feel. From what you have written I think this LDR is a bit much and will go no where. You could go visit her and would probably end up sleeping with her, but that would probably only make the LDR even more difficult. Your young and in college, I say go out meet some local girls and have fun. You don't have sleep around, but look for a connection and go with the flow.

[Cerby]

You could go visit her and would probably end up sleeping with her...

Big assumption, most virgins have no idea how to make the move, and he may end up getting nothing. Could be a lot of time for an awkward failure. He should leave now and find some local woman who is present in both body and mind.