Bad timing sucks

[AwptiK]

Hey guys (well...girls) First time on here in a good while.

I'm posting in here mostly because this has to do with the fact that my recent ex is a nursing major and a single mother. All advice is appreciated here, but if you fall into either of those similar categories, I would love to hear from you as well!

I'll try to be brief, which is a hard one for me.

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I had been with my recent ex since the middle of December.

Things were incredibly great the entire duration of our relationship, she felt the same and was always praising something...how special she felt, happiness, sex, everything.

She just started her nursing school in mid-January. We took the slightest step back in hanging out, because she needed the time to study and whatnot. But as her first term (6-week terms) drew on, we hung out more and more because she was getting the hang of being back in school again. She hadn't done school/work since her daughter was born, nearly two years ago, so it was an adjustment on her for sure.

She just started her second term of classes (today marks the third week of said term), and that first week there was a very large change in her stress levels. I could tell from that, and from her saying it, that this term was much much harder. We still managed to get through that first week.

However, the second week started and she had her first few tests. She did badly on her first two tests. It was Tuesday last week when she ended things. I'll justify this being absolute truth if I have to, but she is very blunt and we always had the best open, honest line of communication so I absolutely trust her reasoning.

She told me that she realized she needs to focus on school and her daughter, and doesn't have the time to offer to a relationship. Adding, that it is unfair to me to be strung along waiting for a chance to hangout, when she doesn't know if she can offer it right now. I spoke my mind and expressed willingness to help, make sacrifices, etc. But she came back saying that THIS is her future and she needs it. We haven't spoken since the breakup, everything was definitely left in good standing though and I never begged or pleaded or anything. I simply wished her well in school and am giving her what she needs.

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Edited to shorten extensively. The only thing i'll affirm a hundred times over, is that she is too blunt to have simply lost interest or not be into the relationship. She'd have let me know, I guarantee you. Honesty, bluntess, openness ruled our relationship and her past. She's said, "i'm not feeling it anymore" to past bf's of longer terms than this, but that wasn't said here. I heard, "You did nothing wrong and nothing was wrong, I just don't have the time to offer right now. I hate it, but it's what I need to do."

[AwptiK]

edit, typed a bunch of memories out that aren't worth my actual story

[Cerby]

Those looking for the TL;DR - OP Met a single mom in November, started dating in December, dumped last week, given the "I don't have time for a relationship" line. The rest is just content to a simple story.

AwptiK, I read it all, but there isn't much content here that actually contributes to the breakup. You have dug in, talked about what was feeling right, etc, but the final outcome was a simple "I don't have time for you right now, sorry". Be happy you had some fun, and that the heartbreak will be short as the relationship was only a few months long. You'll learn from it, and once the smoke clears and your mind thinks properly again, you'll see that she simply isn't interested, or wasn't feeling something that should have been there.

Sucks, but thats life. A short relationship with a bad end like this one is what brought me here 2 years ago, and I did the same as you did, tried to find out why, went over each individual detail, etc. Once my mind cleared, I saw that she just wasn't feeling it, so I moved on, found someone new, and life is good. You will too, the hurt won't last long.

[AwptiK]

I appreciate you reading all of that Cerby.

Only thing I disagree with is her disinterest. She's definitely doing what she needs to right now, but as for not being interested or not feeling as what should have been there, I have to disagree. From a logical standpoint, not a heartbroken one.

She's literally, word for word, told guys in the past "I'm not feeling this." She's said, "I'm not into it as much as you." I didn't get that. There's no sugar coating in her, maybe some "I'm sorry" lines before and after, but I didn't get that from her.

Everything I say is totally out of respect, btw. Not declining any advice at all, I do appreciate your response, but if something is/was/has ever been wrong, she'll straight out say whatever it is. I know she'd rather me know she wasn't into me if she wasn't.

[FlaCooln]

I think you have to respect her decision. Maybe you could send her a text, saying something like...I hope you and your daugher are doing well and school is going well. I am here for you if you need me. Basically, reminding her that you care and that you are there for her.

She is just stressed from school and just figuring it all out. She may realize that she misses you and that school and her daugher are not enough.

[AwptiK]

Thanks FlaCooln.

I definitely feel like i'm respecting her current decision. My mind might be into the idea of reconnecting in time, but I have parted myself from her life for the time being, so she has what she needs to focus on school and all. That's also why I haven't acted just yet. I want a good bit of time to pass (like a month), so that she's had time to think about things and hopefully miss me. I've had the time to think about stuff, but I don't have school or a child to take up the majority of my free time; the equivalent amount of free time for her might actually come down to around a month.

Even when/if I do text or message her, there won't be any "I miss you, lets get back together" stuff. I just want to pass on my continued support and say something like, "I haven't paused my life, because I know you wouldn't want that. If you find that you are still interested in trying things when you do have the time for a relationship, give me a call and i'd be glad to see where we could stand."

[Cerby]

Ultimately, it doesn't matter what she is actually feeling as much as the final outcome. Take what you need to from the breakup to rationalize it to yourself, but in order to move forward, you'll need to reach the point of acceptance of the fact that it is no longer a relationship here. She has to focus on the things in her life that are the most important - her child and her school. Give her space, look forwards, and if she decides she wants to give it another shot, she'll let you know.

So if she is still into you, she won't be able to stay away for long. Take the time to yourself, reflect, and start moving forward while she makes her own decisions about what she wants. Don't get caught up waiting or deciding to contact her, just give her space and see what happens.

"I haven't paused my life, because I know you wouldn't want that. If you find that you are still interested in trying things when you do have the time for a relationship, give me a call and i'd be glad to see where we could stand."

She knows this already, trust me. No need to text it, it will come across as an underlying desperate attempt.

[AwptiK]

Thanks again Cerby. That's awesome advice and I really needed to hear that.