Is it wrong to be attracted to a girl who is a lot younger?

[thescaredmummy]

Hello guys,

I'm new to the forum. I came here because I have relationship issues. My problem is that I am always attracted to girl who are much younger than me. I am 18 year old. My last girlfriend was 15 year old, and her parents were extremely suspicious of me and were apparently "relieved" when we broke up... All this because of my age.

Now I am attracted to a girl who is actually 14 year old. I know this sounds shocking, but I genuinely like her. Well, I don't know her that well, I've only talked to her a few times (she is the sister of one of my girl friends), and it makes me wanna get to know her better.

But I fear what other people will think... I'm honestly scared that some people will call me pedo or that I will get into trouble somehow. So I need help. Is there something wrong with me? And if yes, how do I get help?

[HeartIsAching]

Ummmm... yeah. You don't know her that well, but you're attracted to her. This is disturbing. I don't know that there is any reliable, good help for pedophilia. You might want to try a therapist.*


*note - that's ONE word, not two.

[michelle23]

4years would not be a big deal if you were 24 and she was 20 but shes only 14-still a child in my eyes. There is a big difference between a 14year old and an 18year old when it comes to emotional maturity, sexuality and mental intellect. It would be wrong for you to persue this girl. You surely no girls your own age that u like?

There is a reason y their is a legal age in each country for sex and this girl is too young. This has only happened twice so i wouldnt say its a pattern.

How do you feel about girls your own age? If they repulse you-please get therapy as thats not normal. What do you like about this young girl? If its her innonce or childlike body-you need therapy.

[warriormaiden]

4 years really isn't that big of a deal. But at 14....she might as well be 10.

A. Do you think your ex would be cool about you hooking up with her littke sis?
B. Can you wait 4 years?

I know its a long time, but think about what her parents would probably say if you try to go that way. Think about where she's at emotionally right now. If things take off, yoy could be her first love. If things don't work out, do you really want to be known as THAT guy?
If you really want her, I think you should wait a bit. You may have harmless intentions, but I'm sure her parents wouldn't think of it as such.

[Rowen]

I'll be honest that at 15 I dated a lot worse than 18...My boyfriend back then was 23 years old, and we had been dating two months before my 16th birthday. So, I can understand the side that it's natural. To me, it really does depend on the situation. With John, I quickly saw that I was actually on a higher maturity level than he was...and things swiftly became an emotional roller coaster that ended up really hurting me.

However, that being said and before anyone crucifies me for saying that, 14 is young to date someone who is 18 years old. Think about the mentality that you have right now- probably getting ready for university or creating some sort of plan for your life. Granted, I don't know exactly how it all works in Canada because I'm from the United States, but hopefully I'm in the right ballpark there, yeah? Anyway, my point is that you have a certain mentality and certain maturity level. At 14, there is quite the difference between an 18 year-old's maturity and a 14 year-old's maturity levels. If she's young enough to think of sex just as something funny and embarrassing, she's not mature enough for a relationship with someone who is on your level. It'd be different if she were 16 or 17 and very mature for her age, but she's not...

Furthermore, you have your whole life ahead of you. Don't throw it away by doing something illegal (assuming the laws are similar to the USA). I know it may hurt, but you should probably talk to other girls and move on. Can you really see yourself lasting with someone who isn't on your emotional and maturity level? And what would you talk about if you worked hard in university classes and wanted to tell her all about it? Would she understand what you're talking about?

There are certain instances where dating that crosses legal lines like that actually works out. However, they're rare and take a certain level of maturity in the younger one and a certain level of immaturity in the elder to balance it all out... It's not worth the try, believe me.

My basic point here is that you should be focusing your efforts on finding someone you can go forward with...not backward or crash and burn with... So, go out and talk to random girls. Don't be afraid to make some new friends and see what happens. In the end, you'll be more satisfied because they'll be closer to your level than this girl ever could be. Just talk to some girls, and you'll see what I mean. You're 18, and so am I! You've got this mentality that's evolving into an adult form, so why not build an honest relationship with honest feelings and honest progression with someone who complements this side of you? It's really nice, believe me.

I hope this helps. Sorry I ramble.

[basilandthyme]

When I was 14, I started dating a 17yo for a couple of years. My parents were also suspicious, but he talked them around and it the end they found him trustworthy. And for what it's worth, it was me leading him astray and not the other way around. Unlike what Michelle mentions, I was hardly innocence and a child-like body LOL. I was hormones out of control!

I don't see much wrong with it as long as you're not pushing her for a sexual relationship.

[hp1990]

Nevermind wrong, how about highly illegal!!

[lamobatsman]

i reli liked an 18 year old girl and i was 24. i got told that that was wrong cos the age difference is still too much. 18 year old girls are still immature for 24 year olds. does anyone else agree with this...?

[basilandthyme]

i reli liked an 18 year old girl and i was 24. i got told that that was wrong cos the age difference is still too much. 18 year old girls are still immature for 24 year olds. does anyone else agree with this...?

I wouldn't see a problem with it

[Wakeup]

In Canada, the age of consent if 16 so back off unless you want to be charged with statutory rape (even if its consensual).

[The Observer]

If you both are mature enough, I don´t see any inconvenient.
A female friend of mine has had an 18 year old boyfriend since she was 13 and they were together for more than ten years.
Eventually he cheated on her in they´re last years. That´s really the only crime he made in my opinion, ONLY because she was mature enough for him.

[IndiReloaded]

14 is just a sack of hormones. There *is* no 'deciding for themselves'. That's true even at 16 but at least then you have the [outdated] law on your side. You should come with a warning sign.

[no-se-nada]

My niece is 13, and if she started dating a 17 or 18 year old...i dont even want to think about it lol. I would not be ok with it, neither would her dad or other uncle

[michelle23]

I still stand by what i said that 14year olds should be innoncent. Sure they think about sex and masturbate-that does not mean they are emotionally mature enough for sex-i no i wasnt and neither was my group of friends. There were girls my age at the time having sex but they alk hung ouyt with an older croup and made a lot of stupid decisions to fit in.

All those girls are now single mothers with no education, career or life.

[Rowen]

i reli liked an 18 year old girl and i was 24. i got told that that was wrong cos the age difference is still too much. 18 year old girls are still immature for 24 year olds. does anyone else agree with this...?

Nope. Age is but a number in a case like that.