TL;RD version: I was friendzoned hard, we didn't met for years, I need dating advices now.
Wall of text ensues....
I met this girl more than 10 years ago, she was a classmate of a very good friend of mine. She was after him but he didn't really care about her (even though, I learned later, they had casual sex a couple of times). Years passed and we became good friends, shortly after I fell in love with her.
I won't go too much in the details but let's just say I got friendzoned really hard, and that went on for a couple of years, to the point that some friends jokingly started calling me "doormat", because that's how they felt she was treating me. I now believe it wasn't her fault for treating me like that, it was me who begged for it just to be in her company.
What happened next is that she finally managed to get the attentions of our common friend and they got into a relationship. I wasn't angry with her, because I knew she used to be after him; and I wasn't angry with him either, because well...I couldn't blame anyone for wanting her. At that point I just felt guilty because I was in love with one of my best friend's girlfriend, but maybe it was for the best as I started to feel a bit more detached. Eventually they broke out and the chances to see her started becoming fewer and fewer, to the point that we lost contact. I stuck with my best friend and we're still pals to this day.
In the following 3 years we only met twice and in social contexts (a birthday, and randomly in a pub), I learned that she had a boyfriend and she was living with him. While I was a lot more detached than I used to be I nevertheless felt a bit jealous.
NOTE: Before I proceed to present day I believe it's worth mentioning that our relationship in the friend-zone wasn't the "I'm telling you everything" deal, we never told each other confident stuff; instead it was really physical, with lots of hugs and cheek-kissing and touching and patting and lap-seating. She would often ask me to massage her back both when we were alone and when we were with other people (it's no wonder they called me like that, after all). I was allowed to touch her pretty much everywhere on her body except her breast and between her legs, without her freaking out or looking uncomfortable.
Some times I thought she was being a teaser, other times I believed she didn't even considered me like a friend, but more like a brother.
Present day:
In the 3 years where we didn't met (except those 2 times, where we didn't interact much) I missed her a bit (even though it was bearable as I was now detached) and found myself thinking about her at times.
Finally this February I decided to call her to hear how she was doing, she was really happy to hear me and she asked to arrange a reunion with some friends, including that friend of mine who used to be in a relationship with her 5 years ago. I'm sure that they do not have any interest for each other now, but the fact that they shared intimacy and talk about the past in front of me (like "do you remember when we were together and we went to that place...") makes me feel a bit uncomfortable. On top of that I'm already quite a shy person (even though I'm not as shy as I used to be) and I wouldn't dare to make a move on her in any place where he could see us, I wouldn't want him to realize (or maybe remember, if he had any suspect before) that I was in love with her when they were together.
From that meeting I learned that her last boyfriend, the one she was living with, proposed her to marry, she refused and they broke up something like 3 months ago. She is now living with a friend of hers and her boyfriend, as they had a free room in their apartment. I also learned that she's training as a midwife, and between hospital shifts and university courses she is really busy and has a really hectic schedule (that's important).
The shocking thing that happened when I got home is that I realized I'm still in love with her, all my old feelings for her suddenly came back with the strength they used to have several years ago.
We met once more at her friend's birthday (the one she's sharing the apartment with) at a youth centre, but it was really boring and the 3 of us: me, her and "her ex boyfriend / my best friend" left early and went to her place to play board games and chit chat until late at night.
Last time we met was last Friday for her birthday in a pub, it was the 2 of us and a bunch of other people, including the usual "her ex boyfriend / my best friend". Again, I'm sure there isn't anything between them now but I just feel awkward when I'm with her and he's around, however a couple of beers (more like 4-5 actually) allowed me to be a bit open despite his presence. Three key events happened that evening:
- At some point, after a few beers, we both had to pee. The venue only had one toilet for both genders and right in that moment they also had a blackout, so she kept a small portion of the door open while I was making light through it with my mobile. Even tough we were both a bit tipsy I think this means she doesn't feel embarrassed with me standing there hearing the sound of her pissing through the partially-open door (and that she trust me with not opening the door). Later she did the same for me and I made a small joke about the shadows (a subtle reference to my penis), she laughed.
- She complained that one of her hands was much colder than the other (it indeed was), so when she let me feel it I enclosed it with both my hands to warm her up. We stood like that for a few minutes, her hand in mine on top of the table, while we kept chatting with other people. At some point with her other hand she started stroking mine, I still wonder whether this gesture was just a "thank you for warming my other hand" or some sign of affection.
- I told her that I felt sorry for not calling her in the past 3 years and that I would like to start seeing her again. She already told me what her weekly schedule is like, and it's a real mess, with day and night shifts at the hospital changing every week plus university courses plus the studying at home. So I have no chance to know when it is a good moment to call her, she could either be busy or sleeping after a night shift.
So I told her "whatever, I will start pestering you, just let me know if it is too much" with a smile on my face, she replied "I appreciate that, but you have to be ok with the fact that most times I just won't have time and will have so say no. Being so busy is the reason why I also didn't call you, nor anyone else, in these years.", I replied that I would just keep trying.
I tried to disguise that as "you are being a bookworm, let's go out and have fun", but I'm afraid I came out as needy (which I know I was on the inside).
I then asked her when would she be available on the next week and she said that she would probably be free on Tuesday evening, but that I should call her on Monday evening to be sure, so I said "good, I'm inviting you out for dinner". Her reaction puzzled (and still puzzles) me, at first she suddenly pulled back with a surprised face, but just a second later she put on a big happy smile and replied she would gladly accept my invitation.
Sadly on Monday evening, when I was supposed to call her to confirm, I received a text where she apologized saying that she totally forgot she was having rehearsals with her band on Tuesday (something she already told me she was regretting having too few times), I replied with a text saying "No problem, let me know when you can, you are the one with the crazy schedule after all".
I have no reason to doubt that she told the truth, that she was indeed having one of her rare rehearsals, but now I'm stuck with a doubt: In an effort to look less needy I wrote her to tell me when she's available, this goes against what I told her the last time we met (that I would keep calling her) and so it may have caused confusion (without necessarily offsetting the neediness I had already shown), or she may just forget to answer because she's too busy.
I haven't heard from her ever since.
How long should I wait before calling her to remind my invitation?
Considering our past friendzone relationship, how should I behave with her on a date?
How should I interpret her reaction when I asked her out?
Any other comment or suggestion is more than welcome.