Sexless Relatioship (4 times in 3 years) and Selfish Partner

[Cerby]

Codependency isn't the term for "every bad relationship" There are certain symptoms that apply to people who are codependent and addicted to the situation they find themselves in. Op, in his other thread, has admitted that after reading about CD that it applies to him. If his personality wasn't so codependent, then he would certainly have left at least two years ago knowing that he's not getting his needs met. It's his own issues that keep him there. This hasn't anything to do with her. (although she has obvious sexual issues that need to be addressed and fixed but, which won't ever get done as long as he stays and enables her to be sexless and orgasmically selfish.).

Ah, I hadn't realized he was posting elsewhere at the same time. In this case it sounds like the lack of sex probably won't be addressed as long as the bigger issue still remains.

[HeartIsAching]

Have you thought of telling her that if she's not gonna give it up, you want permission to go outside the relationship for it?

[Nicki XoXo]

Have you thought of telling her that if she's not gonna give it up, you want permission to go outside the relationship for it?

I dont like that suggeston, but its so true. Most men will definately start to look elsewhere if their not getting it from home or its not the kind that they like. I know this for a fact.

[HeartIsAching]

There's a difference between sneaking out and getting some on the side, and getting permission for it.

[smackie9]

Chip why do you worry about hurting her when she has been hurting you by not wanting to be intimate? Your expectations are not being fulfilled, and she is repulsed by the thought of having sex with you...it's a no brainer you both are not right for each other.

[michelle23]

Have you thought of telling her that if she's not gonna give it up, you want permission to go outside the relationship for it?

That is a waste of time. It will just lead to the relationship being even more unhealthy and destructive. Sex is not the only issue in this relationship-there are other issues too and even if he is "getting it elsewhere" that still wont make him happy. He wants the intimacy that comes with a loving relationship. Not a half assed relationship and ****ing other girls on the side.

[Wakeup]

It may not be a waste of time though. If he doesn't ask however; he'll never know. They seem to be totally happy as a couple. Even if the relationship is codependent if both parties are happy in it, then who are we to tell them differently? Since their only issue seems to be the lack of sex, then perhaps she would be quite fine with him getting it elsewhere as long as there were rules in place and it was stricktly to supplement the physical side of their union.

Just because it's not something you or I would do, it doesn't mean that it would be a waste of time for them or that it wouldn't be agreed to and resolve the main issue of op's dissatisfaction. If after being asked about her view on supplementing and she doesn't agree, then it will likely, at least, sink in that he's not happy with what she's doing. At this point she doesn't seem to even care about how he's feeling.

Besides, how do you know it will only "make him happy?" For all we know, it could make her very happy that he stops "psestering" her for something she can obviously live without.

Why present your view on open relationships like it's gospel when you don't know anything about what would or would not be acceptable to them as a couple. If asking upsets her that much, if she doesn't want him supplmenting with others to cover her lacking, then she can shape up or ship out. It's that simple. If he doesn't want to do that, then He can come in an tell us that much on his own I'd think.

Bottomline: She can't suck and blow at the same time. Either get help for her lack of libido or farm it out to a woman that wants NSA. Or: end it or, stay and stfu whining that you're not getting any, Op.

[michelle23]

Would it not be better to find a women who can give him everything she does as well as sex? The OP does not sound like someone who would get much out of "no strings sex" its not for everyone and hell probably just fall for the first girl and that will give him the push he needs to dump his current gf.. which is wrong. He should end it now

[Wakeup]

Let him decide that. He doesn't want to leave her He can't stand to see her upset and it is a simple suggestion that would allow him to keep her and enjoy sex as well. *snipped* If she doesn't want to do that, then op can decide whether or not to stay with her and be sexless or move on altogether, or do what too many codependents tend to do due to their fear of leaving and their addiction to the one that doesn't make them happy and supplement behind her back... eventually.

[HeartIsAching]

That is a waste of time. It will just lead to the relationship being even more unhealthy and destructive. Sex is not the only issue in this relationship-there are other issues too and even if he is "getting it elsewhere" that still wont make him happy. He wants the intimacy that comes with a loving relationship. Not a half assed relationship and ****ing other girls on the side.

Not really - even if she says "no", she will now know that he's serious about it. It may spur her to actually do something about it... or she'll break up with him, or he will. It's a win-win.

[michelle23]

I still think the best thing he could do for himself is just end the relationship for good but its his choice.

[HeartIsAching]

Almost certainly - but what's the harm in trying? It wouldn't even take much time or effort.

Communication is better than no communication.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Just kill yourself.

[Zulnex]

If I was in such a situation, I would definitely end the relationship.
Naturally, I would explain the reasons for my decision. Communication is very important.

[VerticalMoon]

Staying in a relationship with this little intimacy when you need a lot more just doesn't make any sense. How long has this been going on?! Do you really think things might change at this point? Come on. Be honest with yourself here.

Nobody likes breaking up when you've loved each other and been together so long. Even for the dumper, it's usually one of the toughest things you have to go through in life. But what's the alternative? To spend the rest of your life in an unhappy relationship? To have the person find out ten years down the line that you've been lying to them all along? To break things off after you're married or have kids? As tough as breaking up with her may be, staying with somebody after it no longer makes sense to is a whole heck of a lot worse. You're basically lying to her and leading her on with a fake relationship just so you can hide from the truth. Breaking up with her would be really painful for the next few months. But then in another a year or so, you both would have had a chance to move on with your lives. You'd look back, realize the relationship wasn't meant to be, and be glad it's in the past. Or you could go on lying to her, feeling guilty about the thought of cheating on her, being miserable for many more years. The choice is entirely yours.