I can't tell if she is interested in me! Need a females input. Halp!

[vicvo]

I was introduced to someone from a friend almost a year ago. She lives in NY and I'm from NJ. I went along with my friend to a party and met her there and we exchanged contacts. Afterwards, I found out she was interested in the same online game that I play so that's how we mostly communicated and kept in touch. This was during the summer and once the school semester started, I haven't spoke with her since. During that time, she had a bf that only lasted a few months and when we reconnected again, she was single and this was during winter break. We decided to meet up in NYC to hang out and catch up. I was testing her said that I would be getting a hotel room and that she is welcome to bring her laptop and stay with me. She actually agreed, and being gentlemen that I am, I offered to get a 2 bed room. Well we met up that night and she brought her bestfriend and another girlfriend with her and we all ended up going out to drink and karaoke until almost 6am. At that point, I decided her friends should stay at the room too and I ended up sharing a bed with her and her 2 girlfriends were on the other bed. I didn't try anything, but I did had my arm around her as we slept.

Now mind you, I'm a very shy guy. The next day, we had rock climbing planned and I was so hungover I never followed up or said anything to make a move on her. But besides sharing a bed that night, here were some things that I thought she might be interested in me:

- she fell in front of me and I quickly held her up and I kind of hear her friend saying out loud something about her falling on purpose for me.
- she shares her cigarettes with me
- she shares a drink with me
- she feeds me while I was driving
- at the restaurant, we ate korean bbq and she would prep that portions for me
- she would not let me pay for that dinner and she also paid for some shots and other things for me

I went back to jersey and her back to Long Island. I recontacted her that I would be back in NYC the following week for my friend's birthday party. She almost didn't want to go because of money issues, but I had to plead and beg her that I wouldn't let her spend a dime. I just wanted her to come out. She was very hesitant and her best friend was sick so she didn't want to go alone, but she ended up inviting another girlfriend and came out to meet me at the club. That night I was still trying to figure out where we stand and/or whether she is interested in me.

- I held her hand to help her walk up stairs since she was wearing heels
- I danced with her a few times, but I tried not to be all over her and gave her space to do her own thing
- There was a point she felt dizzy and sat down, i wrapped my arm around her waist and she was fine with it.
- There was a hookah in there and she gave me a shotty from it


But the night ended and all I got was a hug and we departed ways again.

I followed up and tried to stay in touch with her, but we started to talk less and she was busy with school again. I also noticed on Facebook that she has been hanging out with other male friends and busy with her own life. It just seem like she didn't make the same effort that she had to see me anymore. I swore all the indications were there that she was interested in me and I didn't formally tell her, but through my actions and the little things I say she pretty much knows that I like her. I became busy with school too and although she was always on my mind, I had to try very hard to let her go and move on. But I just couldn't settle the thought of letting go and moving on with some kind of closure. I never regretted meeting her. I'm leaving out alot of details her, but we have a special friendship/bond despite I wanting more. One of the thing I noticed was that she really needed a new phone bad. Never once did I felt like she was using me. Everything I did or payed for when we hung out was my offering, otherwise she paid for her own or for me. So I decided to get her an Iphone 5 and I wanted to give this to her and meet up with her once last time to reconfirm that we are just friends. I swore to myself that I will find out this time if she is interested in me. So I got her to make plans with me for spring break which was last week. I almost cancelled b/c of miscommunication, but she insisted i come. We met up and she came out with her best friend again. Wrapping this up fast since it's starting to become long, but I gave her the phone, she almost didn't want to accept it but finally did, we had a casual night of just eating, drinking and karaoking again and that was that. All I got from the whole outing were 2 hugs, and her best friend approves of me and gave me a hug too lol. So I'm happy with this closure, but now she's been texting me alot more now, and it seems different. She's obviously very happy with me about the phone.

So here's my question to the ladies:

- Do you think she is interested in me?
- Is she pulling my string since she knows I like her?
- Did I ruin my chance from being a nice guy?
- What can I do/say to see if she likes me without being awkward or ruining the friendship.

Thank you!

[Ann S]

Dear Vicvo: So many points I'd like to share with you, so I'll do them in the order that you wrote them:

1. "she was interested in the same online game that I play so that's how we mostly communicated and kept in touch." So, with online gaming, we have, "VIRTUAL FRIENDS," who we don't know. It is NOT personal when we interact with virtual friends!

2. "she was very hesitant and her best friend was sick so she didn't want to go alone, but she ended up inviting another girlfriend and came out to meet me at the club. That night I was still trying to figure out where we stand and/or whether she is interested in me." Well, us girls know, that when we aren't really into someone, we DON'T want to be alone with them. We take our friends and meet up. All her behavior says that she didn't want to be alone with you.

3. "I didn't formally tell her, but through my actions and the little things I say she pretty much knows that I like her." Women are NOT mind readers! Most of the time we get stuck in the, "who's going to say something first," game. Why weren't you up front? Then you wouldn't be going through this guessing game!

4. "I had to try very hard to let her go and move on. But I just couldn't settle the thought of letting go and moving on with some kind of closure." Let her go???? You never had her! Moving on? This was NOT a relationship, it was, "let's hang out with you and my friends," kind of thing.

5. "she paid for her own or for me." Sometimes we don't want to be obligated. It doesn't mean we're interested!

6. " I gave her the phone,"....."All I got from the whole outing were 2 hugs" - Did you do all this stuff with expectations? Were you trying to manipulate her to SHOW you appreciation?

Do you think she is interested in me? - I'd love it if you'd ask her instead of wondering. Then you'd know.
- Is she pulling my string since she knows I like her? Does she know you like her? I didn't get that from your writing. What is keeping you from having this conversation with her?
- Did I ruin my chance from being a nice guy? NICE GUY? Do you have some belief that by being mean that she would be drawn to you?
- What can I do/say to see if she likes me without being awkward or ruining the friendship. "I want you to know that I value our friendship. I was wondering if you have any interest in getting to know each other better?"
Take care. Ann