Better to just stay away?

[nox]

Essay incoming apologies. Basically looking for the opinion of whether I should keep my distance from this girl, is she just playing games?

I've known this girl for years, since we were in primary school in fact, however we only really became friends during the final couple of years of sixth form (17 years old, high school for some countries?). She was with someone at that point so I never saw her as anything else, however she broke up with this lad a few months after we left school and began talking to me a lot. We went out drinking a fair amount with mutual friends and became extremely close, however I bailed on pushing for a relationship because of nerves / poor self-confidence.

We carried on being friends, both getting jobs at home whilst all our mutual friends went to live away at university, making it just the two of us. I started to develop really strong feelings for her, and we'd go out doing things a dating couple would do. In fact, people who saw us constantly mistook us for a couple, including several friends. During this time there were a few nights where I slept in her bed with her after a night out drinking, at most cuddling, nothing more (I was too nervous to make a move). Eventually I pumped up the courage to talk to her about how I felt, but she returned with the line all guys dread, "I only see you as a friend". I was pretty hurt afterwards, and the friendship became pretty awkward, so I cut contact with her.

A few months later we started talking again and she kept saying how much she missed me. During a movie night round a friends shortly afterwards, she spent the whole night cuddling with me / laying on my chest, however continued to insist we were just friends. At this point in my life I joined up to the military and decided enough was enough, and fully cut contact. It's amazing just how secluded you become working in the military!

Fast forward 18 months and I got posted close to home. A mutual friend of mine and this girl's pretty much tricked me into going for lunch with him, to find out he'd invited this girl as well to get us talking again. I had thought about her occasionally over the 18 months, so we started talking and meeting up again. It has been like it was before things got awkward between us, however I still have feelings for her and I know she can tell this too. Despite this she still flirts with me, will sit on my lap, and when she sees me will run up and hug me for a prolonged time (same when leaving). We text constantly, with her initiating a large proportion of the conversations. Last week she invited me to a charity ball with some of her work colleagues, insisting we danced and had a photograph taken with just the two us. Her reason was I hadn't gone to my school prom so I needed a picture of me suited up, and she'd be my 'prom date'.

Honestly I feel incredibly confused, she says she wants to be friends, which is fine, but why then initiate physical contact when she knows I still have feelings for her? I do want her to be part of my life, so I'm willing to put my feelings aside, but the way she acts just serves to give me false hope of something more.

[Ann S]

Why would you want to be romantically involved with a woman who sees you only as a friend and then gives out mixed messages all over the place. She sounds sincere about her feelings of friendship for you. But then she leads you (because you follow) on this emotional roller coaster ride. You know, some women are just eternal flirts and this person sounds like she has no regard for your heart. I'd limit this, "friendship," (it actually sounds like dysfunctional teasing) and find someone who can feel for you the same as you feel for them! Ann

[nox]

Thanks, what you've said is what I've been thinking but just needed someone to say (type?) it, if you get what I mean. We do get along brilliantly and have a good time together, but I think I need to take a step back, stop following her as you put it, and get on with my own life

[Ann S]

If you want stability in your romantic life, she is not a candidate. Good luck to you!