How To Heal From A Heartbreak

[SelfLove]

It's been nearly 2 years since my ex broke up with me, and honestly that was probably one of the most painful experiences I've ever gone through in my life(I've gone through many tough life experiences). Anyone who has ever had a broken heart can relate. So what I'd like to do is list the things that I did the months after to help heal.

1. Grieve. I allowed myself to mourn the death of the relationship. In my opinion it's no different than losing a loved one to death. You grieve the loss and the time with them that you'll miss out on... never seeing or hearing from them again. This was very hard for me to accept that she has chosen to move on with her life. Part of me was still attached to her emotionally and to have that connection severed I felt as if I lost the love of my life. I allowed myself in private to go to an empty room and vent my anger, cry my eyes out, and allow myself to feel the pain. It's important to feel this rather than hide it inside. The sooner you confront it the better.

2. Seek support. I was at a very vulnerable time in my life so I knew it was important to talk about my feelings to someone. I was grateful for the different perspective I was given by someone who was experienced in relationships. I always felt better after sessions. After 4 months my counselor saw a huge improvement and therefore gave me the option to end treatment. Now some will take longer or shorter. Don't feel bad if you have to talk for an entire year before you feel able enough to move on. For those of you without insurance you still do not have an excuse for not getting help. I don't have insurance and was able to talk with a counselor through a nonprofit organization. There is help out there for everyone.

3. Pamper yourself. I purchased a new guitar, new shirts, new watch, immersed myself in a new hobby... whatever it took to express myself and appreciate/value my life. I'm not saying go out and max your credit card or empty your bank account and splurge, but within reason go ahead and pamper yourself. Right now you are the most important person in your life.

4. No contact. Having contact with your ex after the break up will ALWAYS back fire on you. I had made several attempts after my break up to keep in touch with my ex, and each time leaving me in so much pain. The most recent attempt was contacting my ex on facebook only to find out she is engaged to another guy only 4 months after our break up. One can only imagine the pain and hurt I felt from that. So whatever you do... DO NOT contact her via phone, email, facebook, etc. Would I recommend staying friends? No. Let her/him go.

5. Forgive. I chose to forgive my ex for the hurt she caused in me... for the lies... for the betrayal... and so on. Then I chose to forgive myself for being a part of that. When you forgive you are not letting the person off the hook for their actions, you are freeing yourself from holding onto bitterness and hatred that will only consume you in the long run.

6. Get positive. Having a negative attitude will only dampen your outlook on life. Just because someone walked out on you doesn't mean someone else who is better won't walk in. So much of life is perspective. I began affirming in myself all my good qualities... all the people in my life that still love me for who I am... all the good memories that make me very fortunate for the life I have. So much of positive thinking is you reorganizing yourself internally.

7. Not alone. I realized that what I went through was something that many people experience. I'm not the only guy who was dumped by their ex for another man... a man in which she eventually marries. It happens. It's life. There are probably millions of people in this world who have gone through a loss just as painful. I had to relate to the pain others feel in their relationships, and realize that most if not all relationships are a struggle at some point.

8. Let go. This can go along with forgiveness, but I think it deserves it's own category. Letting go does not mean to give up on love or to quit, rather, it means for you to free yourself from the past, from any expectations/outcomes that were not met during your past relationship. I suggest physically saying out loud, "I allow myself to let go of the past, including my past relationship with (ex's name). I learned a lot about relationships as a result. Most importantly I learned about myself. I am no longer bound to the past, as I now welcome new love into my life." When you let go you release any left over energy from the relationship, leaving you wide open to welcome in the new.

9. Welcome change. Life goes on and before you know it you will be focused on something totally different. Remember that this heart break is only temporary. You need to allow time in between to heal this. Be patient. Never give up. Yes, a door was closed in your life... a person walked out on you, but that doesn't mean you are a bad person or should now decide that your life is over. Change is always taking place in life. See this as another opportunity for you to grow and move forward in life.

10. Love and accept yourself. Why is this last? I believe when most people are first experiencing a heartbreak they are feeling a lack of love, a lack of worthiness, a lack of acceptance since they feel so rejected. So this is something they won't be willing to do until all the other steps have been put into effect. I truly believe that in order to attract the love we seek in life, we must first find it within ourselves. To love and accept yourself means that in spite of your successes and failures in life, you honor, love, and respect who you are as a being... as an individual. You focus on your talents and abilities rather than your shortcomings, but you accept those too. You are not perfect, nor is anyone else. This is the final step in the healing process when you can realize that happiness and love are never outside of yourself. Do not go into a relationship thinking of what you'll gain from it, as if lacking in love to begin with, but to go into it with the mindset that you already possess everything you need to lead a fulfilling life. The new relationship that comes to you will be an opportunity for you to give of yourself, not to take. To be more freeing, not controlling or manipulating. However, I am finding that the best relationship that I've ever had is with myself. I'm always there for support, love, humor, and motivation. After all, isn't that all we ever need to be happy? Our genuine self? I think so.

Hope this helps.

[michelle23]

Wow well done for dealing with it in such a constructive positive way. Your obviously quite strong and have a lot of emotional intelligence as well as a positive attitude. The next girl will be very lucky and I hope she doesn't take you for granted.

best of luck to you

[SelfLove]

Wow well done for dealing with it in such a constructive positive way. Your obviously quite strong and have a lot of emotional intelligence as well as a positive attitude. The next girl will be very lucky and I hope she doesn't take you for granted.

best of luck to you

Thank you for the kind words. It was not an easy process, but I do believe in the steps provided to help mend any wounds. Since this breakup, my best friend and mother died in the same year. I used these steps to help me heal from the death of loved ones. If I can lose the 3 biggest loves of my life: my mother, my best friend, and my ex and still come out on top with a positive attitude, then there is no excuse for anyone else to act otherwise. Hoping these words can inspire someone in need.

[overanxious]

all good advice...just easier for some to follow it....sounds like you were in a similar boat to the one im in now....its still painful as hell as i wake up everyday thinking about it

a simple act of maturity and respect and we could have been good friends like she wanted.....and i wonder why she wasnt able to give that and make it easy

[vmartin143]

I recnetly got my hear broken in to pieces, I heard about this new show that helps you get over your ex and answer questions (exandwhycasting.com)
I am thinking about applying, what do you think?

[fklove]

Once we start depending on someone or something to be happy, thats when we know we'll eventually sink.

[Makeme]

Wow very inspiring thank you for the read